038 | Breaking Free: How I Overcame Anxiety and You Can Too

Hello, good people, and welcome back to life is sound. With me, your host, James Mayer. I hope you're good. I hope you're well. I hope you're blessed. And if not, how can we get you back to feeling all of those things? Today, I want to speak about how to overcome and anxiety. Now. In today's age, this is a very common word. It definitely started to circulate a lot more in the vocabulary of society. Years ago, I didn't feel like we heard this word as much as we do today. As language becomes commonplace, commonly used words have the ability to shape society on the whole. Now, this is not disregarding anyone's anxiety. Anxiety is very real, and it is something I have experienced myself, and I'm going to share that journey with you guys and things that I've done over the years that has helped me on my journey to overcome anxiety. I hear a lot of the time, people just flippantly using, I'm feeling a bit anxious. Yeah, I'm feeling anxious about this. Years ago, this just wasn't a thing we used to say. I'm a bit worried about that now. I'm a bit apprehensive. I'm not sure about this. Anxiety has become the common word. It's something we all are very familiar with now. And anxiety is a very real thing now. As you probably are aware, when we think about anxiety, it's always linked parallel to depression. Those two words, those two experiences, are usually linked in and around each other. Now, when we talk about being depressed, that's often when we are in a state of thinking and dwelling in the past, going over things that have happened. In our lives, things we just do not have the ability to change, things that have happened. And when we ruminate on these things that have happened, and the emotion comes up that those events may not have played out in the way that we would have liked them to, and they cause a deep emotional trauma. When we live in that space, when we're thinking about the past, we become depressed. When we think about anxiety, it's often when we're living in a state of worrying about future events. Big one for people is social anxiety. This is something I suffered from for a long, long time. A lot of my 20s were riddled with crippling social anxiety, and this came from numerous things happening in my life, rapid changes in many different areas, to. Now getting to the point where I. Am living in my purpose, living my truth, constantly working on being a great version of myself. And after years and years of doing. That type of work, the anxiety slowly but surely started to drift away and come down to a level where it's not even noticeable anymore. And I had a session with a client last week and she shared the exact same thing with me, that she suffered with social anxiety. And at the moment it seems to have disappeared because things are going right in her life. So my experience with social anxiety used to be I'd think about a night out. I created a lot of scenarios in my head of what could happen in and around that night, things that potentially wouldn't even happen. But I was creating this narrative, worrying. About the future in an illusionary state. And when we do this, we get really good at it. At the same time, I am what. People call an empath. So if I'm around a lot of. People, I feel a lot of people's energy, and people's energy drains me quite quickly. Unless I'm surrounded by people who are filling up my cup with great conversation. Or great energy, I get drained really quickly. So I feel depleted when I go. Into large social environments. I've had an awareness over the years that challenging yourself when you don't want. To go and do that thing, or. You feel like it's time to leave, when we enforce that behaviour, your brain actually changes its physiology to back up that behaviour. For example, I'm not sure I want. To go out tonight because this could happen and that person could be there and this and this and this. I'm just going to stay in your brain then realises that this is what. We do when we don't want to. Do this, we do this, more of this. Then it gets harder the next time to make the decision to go out and put yourself in that environment that might feel uncomfortable. So a great question is, am I challenging myself beyond comfort? Because this is a habit that can really serve us in the long run. Now, on the other side to that is when I'm going to these social. Places, am I surrounding myself with the. Right people, people who are adding to me, people that are making me feel good about myself? Quite often in life we surround ourselves. With the wrong people, that make us feel horrible, that then, without us realising, creates subconscious anxiety around a night with. People who, deep down we know we. Do not want to be around. A lot of us at some point will have done that, will have looked. Around and gone, why am I here with these people? So we want to ask the questions, are the right people in my life? Is there people in my life that. Are adding to my anxieties? What am I doing to make sure. I am working on this part of myself. So if you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you would have heard the different things I've done over the years to help me with anxiety. Those look like things you will hear. A lot of people do. Kundalini yoga, Soul yoga, meditation. Walks in. Nature. Finding deep, genuine connections with people. Who you trust and can share with, finding a mentor, asking yourself who you are. Who am I? What is my purpose here? Because I can guarantee when you start to embody the version of yourself that is living in your purpose, your anxiety will start to drift away without you even realising. Now, for me, when I was moving through life, not doing the things that I felt were aligned with being in my purpose, I could feel the anxiety rising when I wasn't being a creative. When I wasn't helping people. I can feel the anxiety rising when. I think about anxiety now. It's something that may come up, which. Is often for me, closely linked to stress. Stress and anxiety. They're related, they're cousins, they know each other well. Anything else where I'm thinking about going somewhere, doing something, speaking to somebody. About whatever that thing is, I know I am capable of being in those environments as my highest self. Because we have to find the things that pour into self love when we. Love ourselves more, when we're in our purpose, these two things are aligned, self love and being in your purpose. When you figure one out, the other one will follow. When you pour into your cup, when you love yourself, you will find means and ways to end up in the thing that you really want to be doing, the thing that aligns you with the universe, with God. You will find that way to live in your purpose. And when you're there, you start to feel more alive in your spirit. And when you're more alive in your. Spirit, it's hard for anxiety to come in and fill those spaces because you're already filling it with the right stuff. There is no space for this thing to come in. Or if it does find a little. Pocket and a little gap, you know, what else to add in to nudge that back out. We have to be smart with our little tool belt, things that we use that are unique to us, that may. Work for other people as well, but. You'Ll find things that work for you to help you get rid of that anxiety. Whenever it starts to make its way back into your life, whenever you feel it coming up, ask yourself, what am I doing that could be adding to this feeling arising and getting stronger? What could I be doing to help settle that feeling and even get rid of it. These questions often don't require any overcomplicated answers. We already know them, but we often behave in a way that opposes the things that we know to make the deep changes. So maybe it's time we start listening to the knowing and following our gut and seeing what is possible. So for me, after going through really traumatic things in my early 20s, having to figure out who I was again. After that definitely turned up the volume for me on anxiety in social settings, because people may have seen the same James that they know turning up, but. I felt really disorientated in these environments. While I'm figuring out myself, while I'm. Growing again, while I'm spiritually levelling up and everything's changing and looking different, to. Me, my whole perspective on life has changed. So when we're going through that process. It'S a very scary process. It's a very tricky process. And we have to find the balance. Of not putting ourselves in places around. The wrong people and also making sure we're not being super reclusive and denying ourselves social activities that could actually lead to beautiful nights, beautiful experiences, great conversations, deeper connections. Now, for me, I, over time, started to get rid of the things that. I knew were not serving me any. Longer, even though I enjoyed it. Like smoking. Never been a drinker, but smoking. I enjoyed smoking. I enjoyed smoking a spleff. And I had to let go of that because I knew it was adding. To my anxieties in life in general. And I'm going to do a deep dive into this topic of how when. I let go of these things, my mindset became clearer. I started to live more in my purpose, get more done, output way more, be more creative. And my social anxiety came down with that change. Now, I'm not saying that's going to be the journey for everyone, but what. I am asking you to ask yourself. What am I doing now? What is in my diet that is not serving me? And when I say diet, I don't. Just mean food, I mean weed, I. Mean alcohol, I mean drugs, I mean. Bad relationships, bad people, negative people surrounding you who's adding to your anxiety. We're living in the future when we are anxious. How do we get back to the present moment? How do we get more conscious to live in the present moment? How does that look for you? What are the little things? Now, we've all heard the little things. Like to bring yourself back to the present moment, do something as simple as run your finger along the back of your hand and just be aware of that sensation. If you're driving, become aware of grabbing the steering wheel a bit tighter. But when we practise things like meditation. And tapping in with ourselves and becoming. Aware of our breath and being in. The moment with no distractions, the more. We practise that, the less we're in the future, the better we get at not projecting into something that has not yet existed and may not exist in the way that you are thinking about it existing. This is illusionary, this is not real. And we spend so much time in this space which creates anxiety in the present. The more we do it, the better it gets. The better we get at it, the. Stronger the emotion connected to these things, especially social settings. Ask yourself this question. If you were the version of you doing everything that you would be doing at that version of you, however that looks in whatever successful way you design in your mind, what things would you be doing differently to what you're doing now? Now, the me today is very different than the me ten years ago. When you start to ask yourself what. Truly matters to you, you will start to make the changes, to make sure you arrive at the person who you want to be in your mind. You get to create that. And when we let things like social. Anxiety cripple us and cripple our experiences. We are not living in our highest, truest versions. You, by design, are here to flourish. And thrive on this planet. You've been given all the tools and resources around you to do that. You may not have discovered them all. Yet, but you certainly will if you choose to do that. More questions we can ask ourselves. Are you surrounding yourself with the right people? Are there things, relationships, that you need to let go of, that are fueling your anxiety? What are you pouring into your daily. Routine that helps keep that anxiety at bay? Or are you doing the things that are reinforcing and helping that anxiety exist within you for longer? Often we make choices that we know. Are not serving us, but we keep repeating this behaviour and we get good at it. And we've got to be careful not to fall into the victim state of stopping ourselves from doing things. Because I have anxiety, I can't do that. I've been there. We want to be walking into rooms. Knowing that we feel 100% comfortable with. Ourselves, and if not 100, and we have a little wobble, we've got things within our toolkit to bring us right back up to the point of we feel good enough to coast through that environment, being cool, calm and collected. I want to share my journey with you guys. So you know that you are not. Alone when it comes to things like. Social anxiety, something I fully understand. And if I ever feel it, if I ever have an element of that, I ask myself, do I really want to go to that? Is it worth my time? What am I going to gain from going there and being aware? Not to shut out experiences just because something may happen that I'm creating in my mind that there is no evidence to whatsoever. But be really cautious around your energy. If you are a sensitive person, if. You are a highly sensitive person, be cautious about where you go, who you surround yourself with, and whether you need to be in that environment or not. This is the path of true growth. These changes can be difficult. These changes can be hard. These changes can even be isolating. But when you are on this path. As long as we are asking questions. Along the way and following up with change. Proactive steps forward motion. Every episode, I'm going to say this to you. Forward motion. As long as you are taking steps. Forward, I promise you the anxiety that you experience or are currently experiencing will drop down and become to a level that you find manageable or completely unnoticeable, what is possible. So I encourage you to reflect on. Your own life at this moment and think about what are the things that are holding you back? How do your relationships impact your mental health? What are the steps you can be taking to call in the life that you desire? And if you had that life that you desire now, would that version of you still be highly anxious? Because I see evidence in myself and other people that when you step into your purpose, the illusions about the future and the worry you let go of, because you focus on the present, making steps here in this moment, create a better outcome for the future without us worrying about how that could look. I want to say a big thank you again for checking in with these shorter episodes of Life is sound. The messages I receive from you guys again warm my heart and it keeps me going on this journey to share these things with you, things that I've been through, other people have been through, guests, strangers, people that I know, people that are close to me, people that aren't, and my own personal experiences. I'm a big believer in that sharing these things can help you on your path and you can then go on and help someone on theirs. And this is the beauty of life. Thanks you very much for checking back in with life is sound. Remember, no matter what you're going through, whatever you're feeling, we can get back to feeling great. Remembering that life is good. Life is sound. See you on the next one. Stay blessed. Bye.