Life Is Sound

031 | 10X Your SUCCESS With The RIGHT Mentor By Your Side w/ Maureen Fearon

September 25, 2023 James Mayer Episode 31
Life Is Sound
031 | 10X Your SUCCESS With The RIGHT Mentor By Your Side w/ Maureen Fearon
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Show Notes Transcript

In this episode of Life Is Sound, host James Mayer sits down with the phenomenal Maureen Fearon to uncover the transformative power of having the right mentor by your side. Brace yourself for the exploration of how mentorship can catapult your success to unimaginable heights.

Join James and Maureen as they delve into the essential aspects of finding the perfect mentor. From setting clear goals and identifying ideal mentors in specific areas, to navigating the uncomfortable truths that may arise during the mentorship journey.

Prepare to have your mind expanded as Maureen Fearon shares her invaluable wisdom on the immense value of seeking advice and opinions from others. Discover why gathering various perspectives can lead to better decision-making and ignite your creative spark. Witness the power of mentorship as James reflects on how their mentor-mentee bond has positively shaped his life and enriched his creative endeavours.

Get ready to be inspired as James and Maureen remind us of the magic of making a difference in someone's life, even if it's just one person. So, buckle up and prepare for a thrilling ride through the world of mentorship.

 Life Is Sound Episode 031 - "Maureen Fearon: 10X your success with the right mentor by your side" is not just a podcast episode—it's an invitation to unlock your true potential and embark on a journey of epic transformation. Tune in now and embrace the extraordinary possibilities that await.

What We Discussed In this Episode

  • Friend turned mentor brings invaluable support.
  • Guidance is crucial, saves time and avoids mistakes.
  • Thrilling to empower others in achieving dreams.
  • Why and who for mentoring, goal-oriented thoughts.
  • Valued instant belief leads to growth.
  • Mentorship is a natural, beautiful exchange.
  • Judgement, support, and admiration for personal growth.
  • Great mentors are rare, but spotting them is key.
  • Mentor = reference point, ideas come easily.
  • Helping people, especially young ones, is crucial.
  • Lack of training in school mentoring systems.
  • Know your goal, find experienced guidance.
  • Seek mentors with positive energy and expertise.

Find Maureen Here:

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Hello, good people, and welcome back to Life is Sound. We've got a guest that a lot of you will know. She was our first guest on Life is Sound. The very first person I went to went, maureen, will you come and be a guest on my podcast? And that's over a year ago already. So the fact that we're still here doing this, this is episode 31. If you've been listening from the start, a big thank you. If not, let's say a big warm welcome to Maureen Back to Life, his song. How are you doing? That's so lovely. I can't believe it's a year. It's actually worrying how quick time is flying. Yeah. So I wanted to speak today about the importance of mentorship because you've been someone in my life who has definitely facilitated that role and we've become great friends. You're someone now. I actually class as a real close friend when I think about it, the impact you've had in my life and the things you've taught me, but how much you've supported me in everyday know, recently, losing Dexter and you being the first person to come round and just give that emotional support as a great friend would. And I really appreciate that. So this podcast has always been about sharing the people in my life that have helped me and their stories. And I think one we can overlook is the importance of a mentor, that person that can, from a distance, give you that guidance to help you become a better version of yourself. Yeah. And sadly, so many people haven't even got the notion of what mentoring and mentorship is all about. Some people are lucky. They'll naturally have them in life, but I'd say most people don't. And that's a sadness and don't even know what exists and what could be really useful to because life is a challenge and we're forever going through uncharted waters. And it's useful to actually have somebody there that whether you physically turn to them or pick up the phone, even just having them in your mind can be so useful to be able to think, right, okay, I'm at this crossroads, I'm not sure what to do. And that can be a resource. It's an invisible resource to actually give guidance, support and give a sense of assurity to be able to go and do the right thing. So sadly, we don't know and we don't teach it. We don't teach it. So if I think about my life, who are my mentors? Yeah. Baron. Completely barren. So through my childhood, no one at school with teachers, no one. Yeah. First real, possible real mentor was a guy in work. But that was all work related. Teaching me how to get basically how to do the financial stats. I'll remember pipeline deviation. It was like I can't get my head around it. Which made me feel so stupid because I couldn't work it out. And now he used to be good at math. And so he coached me, mentored me on those things, but not on other things that he could have done. He was an amazing communicator, he was a brilliant manager and he could have mentored me, he could have helped me understand and be able to learn how to manage people faster. Instead. It was a very long, tough journey, but he could have because he was the right person. And unfortunately, I didn't know that I could ask. Was I 1819 and I wasn't a know all, but you just kind of like know. And there was great shame in not knowing anything because if you say, well, actually I don't know how to do something, then that meant that you were rubbish and that you were a fraud. And it was just such a dangerous place. So I didn't even know that I could ask. And now, many years later, as a mentor, I love it when people pick up the phone or send me a message and say, can I pick your brains? Can I just ask you a question? Could you help me with this? Could you help me with that? I just love it because we're able to steer them to getting their best results. So if we think like a lot of people in the lives might not even know what a mentor is and not have a clue about how to approach or find a mentor. What is the real importance of why a mentor matters in your life? Because there are times where we do need guidance. There are times where we could do with guidance. We might not have it, but then the journey ahead might be fraught with challenges that we didn't need to have or we might take the wrong direction. So it's really useful because if say for example, you're going somewhere and you think, right, I'm going from A to B and the journey is all over the place, but you could have asked a mentor and it says, right, okay, just take a letter, just take that. You might not have seen it before, but that'll take you straight there. And so it can save us an awful lot of time, an awful lot of mistakes. And it's finding the right mentor, the mentor that is going to be the most useful. And you might have a few, you might have one that's good for relationships, one that's good if you're in business, one that's good for other things. So it's important. Not all mentors are it's not one mentor that does all of the jobs and so it's finding out, okay, first of all, I'm okay to ask for help. It's good to ask for help. And a lot of people, it gets programmed out of us asking for help for whatever reason. And so we want to get into do you know what? I want to be asking for help. Yeah, I deserve I can because you can. What's the worst that can happen, somebody will say, I don't know. And the beauty is, a good mentor thoroughly, enjoys sharing, thoroughly loves to give, especially if especially with young people, if in their day, like in my day, I didn't have it. So I'm even more enthusiastic to give what young people need that I didn't get to help them. Is that one of your driving forces with that, do you think? Because it was. There a lack of any kind of, like, mentorship in your life now, learning everything you've learned and knowing what you know. I see it with people. When people are struggling, I point them pretty rapidly in the direction of you, and people are like, wow, Maureen's incredible. And is that why you get a lot of that enjoyment from giving back? Because you spotted that lack of in your early life? I think that'll be part of it, maybe. But I just love people to be able to do what is possible. I love people to have a good perspective of themselves, to have belief in themselves, and to know so much is possible. It all depends on what we do and how we do it. So I just get a real thrill out of especially really good, lovely people, helping them feel good and get on their journey and make things happen the things that they never dreamed was possible. And I think everyone should have that as a human, right? But they don't. And it's a huge, great big ocean of need. So I just love any opportunity, and it really thrills me when I can help somebody. It's brilliant energises me so I can feel really, really tired. And it's like, okay, what's the problem? And just even listening, it's like, oh, and all the energy and it's like a battery reboot, it recharges the batteries, and it's all learnable. So a lot of people can learn how to be a mentor, and it feels so good. But most importantly, we have to be able to ask, because we don't. There are some people that are brilliant at asking. They're brilliant, no hesitation, really comfortable. Ask for this, ask for that, ask for the other. Sometimes over asking. But you know what? They get so much more. And I think I might have said before, my mom said to me maybe more than once, if something's meant for you, it'll come to you. Rubbish. You have to ask. There are times where you have to ask. And I used to be really uncomfortable asking for things, and it was like a conveyor belt of opportunities that is like, yeah, I deserve that. It'll come to me. Never did. Oh, I deserve that. It goes to somebody less deserving. That's not fair. But that's how that belief system stuck inside of me for such a long time. And I suppose maybe that's part of the lesson for me, to encourage others to ask. I have clients that say to them, look, especially that have got some real big challenges in life. If you ever need, you just pick up the phone. If I'm there, you have my time, so pick up the phone. And it's amazing how many people will not do that when we'll have a conversation and I say, well, where was the phone call? Well, I didn't like why? The resource is there. It's not a financial thing, so it's not about costing you anything. I'm there when you're in crisis. How come? Because they've got this discomfort in asking. I just feel so bad at asking. Well, who taught you to be bad? To feel bad for asking for things? Because we learn it. We're not born thinking, I mustn't ask. Quite the reverse. When we're born, we're born designed to make noise to get what we want. We cry. Otherwise all babies would be quiet. I don't make a noise and say that I'm hungry. I don't make a noise and say that I want to move, or whatever it is the babies need. Go to the toilet, whatever. Yeah, so we're born being able to do it and then it gets wiped out of us somehow. So that's the big thing. Get comfortable with asking. Get comfortable with asking. The worst thing that can happen is they say, Sorry, no, I haven't got time. What have you lost? Nothing. And then you move on to the person. Because if that's the case, they're not the right person for you. But what have you lost? Nothing. And there's that old phrase, if you don't ask, you don't get. Yeah, very true. First thing, know that you deserve, know that you've got a licence to ask people and go and find somebody and listen to your gut feel as well. Maybe if, say, for example, you're thinking of achieving something. So I've mentor people in all walks of life, from sports entertainers in the workplace. Oh, I love those phone calls where there's a bit of bullying going on, or they've got a meeting that they want to maybe put a proposal to, an appraisal meeting, a pay rise meeting, whatever it is, I love giving guidance on that. And I would say 100% of the time they go in and get a better result than they ever dreamed possible. Stunningly. It's like, wow. And again, helping them get comfortable with asking as well. That is the saying, get comfortable with asking. So people might be listening, thinking, oh, it's all well and great saying, find a mentor who can be quite overwhelming. Where to start with me. I was really lucky. People might have heard this story before, but I was looking at NLP online the next day you appeared in my life and are a trainer in NLP. And it was, you know, when the student is ready, the teacher will arrive type thing. And I was always really grateful and open to that. And I think that's a thing where we might not realise there might be mentors already around us and it's being open and spotting those signs that if you were looking at something today and the person relevant to that thing arrives the next day, maybe, just maybe, that is the person for you. So I was really blessed and grateful that you came into my life that day. And we continued a relationship which has grown over years, which is now a friendship, which is really amazing. I really appreciate it if people are in that place of yes. It's great hearing you say find a mentor. What would be the first steps would you recommend? Well, first of all, think about what do I want mentoring? What do I want? Mentoring. Why do I want a mentor? Why do I want it? So again, everything starts with a goal. Why do I want it? What? Do I need help? Is it your career? Is it your relationship? Is it family situation? Is it neighbours? Is it whatever it is? And then you think, right, who would be good? Who will have understanding and wisdom in that area? So if say for example, it's like I'm having trouble with my relationship, it's like, right, who would be good with that? And then your mind might go, ken, this is how complex our minds it might be. Well, if I go to them, they'll side with me and so they'll kind of make me feel good about what I'm thinking or I'll go to them. And sometimes, especially when it comes to relationships, it's kind of like that's a bit uncomfortable because they're the truth tellers and sometimes we don't want to hear the truth. So it could be that I don't want to hear the truth about my behaviour because I could clean up my behaviour. Or it could be I don't want to hear the truth, that they're just not into me and this relationship should end. But if I go to my friend and say, oh yeah, give them another chance. And so it's working out, who is going to be on the best side for your future goal that is best for you? So when it comes to relationships, that's a big caveat. Really think about the person that is going to be more logical, that's got the experience and the understanding and also not got the issue basis of. So, for example, and I've come across it and I just think shame, where they've got their own issues guiding the decision making and how they'll steer you, for example, it could be, and I've heard it too many times, where you can't trust people if they've made a mistake once, that's it, that's it. Don't trust them, you mustn't trust them. You can never trust a person and it's like no. So people will have bias. So you want to make sure that you go to somebody. I just think of think of somebody as a wise old sage who just knows from a bird's eye perspective what is the right thing to do in business. Go to not necessarily the person that makes you feel the most comfortable chatting to go to the person that's got the real understanding of what makes things tick, that will help direct you to the mistakes that you're making. Somebody nice might not do that and somebody that's not had those experiences, then they might not even know, so they might actually waste your time and waste their own time. So it's finding out the mentor that's going to work. I worked with Young Enterprise for many years and I came across loads of wonderful good hearted mentors wanting to help young people but that's all. They had good intention, they had no business experience, they had no coaching skills, they had no understanding of how to and it was like, God bless them, great hearts, but they were not the right ones. So you could line them up and think who would be the best? So if I ask you now going back to say, teenage years or in your twenty s, or even before then, who would have been a person that you could turn to, knowing what you know now that would have steered you in the right direction? Apart from parents, I don't think there's been a particular person that was like, obviously peers, friends, same age. You might bounce things off them, but not a go to person outside of maybe like my granddad, my dad at times, my mum always maybe only those people. Not a person outside of kind of like the natural family or friendship dynamics. That person is a mentor, someone a bit older, a bit wiser, having that experience that's disconnected from you in a personal relationship way and was offering that advice. I don't think there has been someone. Yeah, and that's the thing that's few and far between and that's why obviously there are professional mentors and it's worth paying for the service for it. And if I think back to especially in my 20s, probably not too much in my teens, but in my 20s if I'd have thought about and got comfortable being able to ask there would have been people that I could have said and it would have made them feel good. Can I just ask your opinion on this? Can I just ask you what do you think of this? Because it doesn't have to be a big structured with pens and a table in front, it could be just as simple can I just ask you what do you think to this? And just gathering different opinions so that you can actually think, yeah, maybe not. And even that might trigger an idea of what to do and there are not as many as there should be, which is really sad, isn't it? Now, normally you can kind of expect people that are older because they've got more experience, they've gone through the challenges of life and they've learned lessons from them often and that's why we get the sage advice, because people have been through and they can help us avoid the mistakes that they made. So often it's somebody that's had great experience, but we want to be looking at, right, okay, in our minds, be forever questioning, who might that be? Who might that be? So if I wanted, for example, business advice, because I'm self employed and think, right, okay, with this project, who would I go to? Would I go to them? They're salespersons, so they'd be able to help me on the sales, but not on another aspect of it or that person. And sometimes it'd be they're like a god in this world. I feel so inadequate. I feel so pathetic because I'm so far from where they are. They're perfect and I'm just so far forget that you are where you are. Go and ask them and take whatever gems that they give you. Different projects that I'm going into. I will go and talk to people in that field and just say, can I just ask your opinion, thinking about this? What do they need? What's going to motivate them to buy into whether it's a project or whatever? And I'll go and it becomes really comfortable. So it really is getting comfortable and knowing that you're okay to go and ask. And people love to be asked their opinion. I mean, I ask you a lot, James. Can I just pick your brains when I ask you that? Do you go, oh, here we go again? Yeah, it's very rare. Yes, you do say that. It's a valued, the straight thing, the instant belief, the mechanism is, oh, I'm valued here, so I'm going to give you an answer. And I think, like you said, we build those walls of if I go to that person and ask that, they're going to think I'm this or I'm cheeky or I'm rude for even asking the question. But like you said, most people see value in that because they get a sense of belonging, oh, I'm needed for something, I have value to offer. And I think a great point you said there is also finding the person that might make you a bit uncomfortable in the right way. Because when I think back to when I'd first come to you with things, the pattern interrupts, which we've spoke about in the past, where I might be telling you an emotional story, and it'd be like you interject, how do you know that? How do you know that to be true? And that pattern interrupt would scramble your brain and go, yeah, well, how do I know that to be true? We're often looking for people to back up our belief systems and just go along while we're just offloading, and that's not really conducive to growth. So that pattern interrupt is something I've really appreciated. And one thing we were laughing at the other day is you said it's very rare. I hear someone thanking me for correcting the language. So even when you might do that now, I'm really grateful for it, where it's really easy to go, maureen's, correcting my words again. But I'm really grateful that there's someone there going, hey, did you hear that? And then you think about and you go, I did hear it and I'm aware of it, so I'll be aware to try and change it on the next time round. And that is it. That can be really not comfortable for a lot of people. And we don't want to be finding the people that just make everything feel okay. We want to find the mentors that make us go, oh, yeah, whoa. And then you have that moment where you process it yourself and now that's become a part of you and you have real profound change within yourself. Before you know it, you then start to see yourself doing that bit by bit for other people as well. And that's a beautiful part of mentorship. It's the natural giving from one person and the natural guiding to the next, which then starts to become part of you, because we naturally pick up behaviours, we're learning from one person to the other and then we start to do this thing and then we're like, Whoa. Then you realise the symphony of life. We're all just here living, experiencing this thing, and if we can all help each other, that's the beauty of it. So the mentor mentee dynamic is something I've been thinking of recently, and you've helped me in my life a lot. So now, as I said, when people come to me, I'm just like, yep, Maureen, that's your person. You won't find anyone better than Maureen. And I think a lot of people are like, yeah, I don't think so. Yeah. Because people have an one thing I have to do mention yes. When I correct language audience I have to tell you, I have his permission. It's not with a teacher hat and a stick and a long cane. Yeah. I'm not advocating that everybody goes and corrects people's language because you really because sometimes people don't want to know and that is perfectly fine. But we have this understanding that it's okay for me to pick up, because as human beings, we're on autopilot and I make mistakes as well. And I love people and I've got peers that will go, Maureen. And it's like, oh, yeah, okay then. But I don't have that discomfort anymore. The best mentor, my first proper mentor was when I first came into business and doing workshops. And he was brutal. He was lovely, kind, cared for me, but it was brutal. He was a great friend and first of all, I asked, would he help me? But that was painful for me to just ask, Will you help me? And he was like, yeah, of course. Oh. And he loved it. He just absolutely loved it. And the first workshop was building better relationships. And so I put the things together, planned things together in my PowerPoint. And I was going to his house to rehearse and beautifully he said, I'll come and co present because he'd not done stuff like that for a long time. And he was an incredibly gifted man, business minded, as amazing guy. And I remember so he said, Right, okay, so do this. And I remember it's like the introduction at the beginning. So it's like right, okay. And I was nervous inside and feeling really just got to do this. And he went, oh God, no, you don't do that. Really? Have you not done this before? And it was like, no. He went, oh, no, you can't do that. He's like, oh God, I thought you had more experience than this. It's like no. It's like, right, come on then. So I said, Just teach me what I need to do. And that was really uncomfortable and it's like, Right, okay. So he gave me this. But it was a compliment because he thought I was more competent than I was. But when I first started off doing what I do now, I had so little experience, but I just had a go. I'll have a go of that kind of spirit without thinking things through. And it was for that initial bit excruciating, then he would say, right, okay, this bit right now, you do it. The pressure of doing it the right way in the way that he just said and remembering everything. And so I went and did exactly what he told me to do because he was spot on. He was right. He knew his stuff. And so I worked really hard for the rest of that day and the Saturday practising and rehearsing and then on the Sunday starting off, putting on the act of doing it and then to in and fro. And I had the majority of the delivery and then he was there supporting. And then at the coffee break time in the morning, he turned to me and went, who are you? Who are you? I can't believe the transformation from Friday. You'd think you'd been doing this years. And it was because I had the what it took. And you can't give that a label because everybody has it. I had the what it took to go through that discomfort zone. But it was well worth it. Now in our society now we've got a big issue. People are not used to going through uncomfortable zones. It really is tiny little things. Little things. Going for interviews, traumatising people. Just the thought of going for an interview, going for an interview online. And an awful lot of people have a bigger sensitivity. But the beauty is that can change and you've got a choice if you go through it, you get comfortable, then you open up life's opportunities as well as feeling great. So it's so well worth finding that mentor that will take you out of your comfort zone that will ask you the questions. So if I'm mentoring or coaching somebody and let's say after a session they'll have the homework, I'll cheque up on them and they'll be like, have you done that? No. Well, that was a crucial point towards the goal that you want. Do you not want to achieve that goal anymore? Well, yeah. Or how come you well, it's like, oh, are those in the pool of excuses? Because they are. Well, I didn't have time. Have you slept well? Yeah. Well, you could have taken half an hour each day to have made time to do that. Because people we can get lazy and we can get lazy over the jobs that are uncomfortable as well. So we want to get used to getting through those discomfort zones so that we can achieve because the discomfort doesn't last long. And that's the trust dynamic. Trusting your mentor isn't saying these things for just any reason. There's a reason behind the asking of questions or maybe guiding you towards something. And there is a trust there that if I'm investing this time into you, there has to be some work done on your side. So when you're saying you're checking up on people, have you done that? It's kind of like, this is my time, this is my world. That's the one thing we don't have infinitely. We all know that we're running out of time. It's very short, so there's value in time. So if someone as a mentor is investing time into you, that mentor mentee dynamic is there is an expectation there that the work we're talking about should be done and that's how we both essentially grow together. And a lot of people, I think, can enter things just wanting all the answers. Oh, yeah. You just want all the glory and the rewards from it all. And as a mentor, you don't judge because you understand behaviour. You understand that is human beings will take the path of least resistance. All the top entrepreneurs that have made it from nothing, they've gone through comfort zones, they have blasted through those really uncomfortable zones. They have worked till two and three and


00 in the morning. They have really put in the effort. But then when they're sat there experiencing and enjoying the rewards of it all, people only see that and think, oh, they're lucky. And it's not. They have put themselves out, got comfortable with things that were uncomfortable and really put effort into it. But as a mentor, you don't judge because you just understand that this is and that's where the power of the questions come in. So it's like, all right, Casey, you didn't have time for that. So tell me about your social life last week. How many hours, it's like, did you have to which is more important to you? Giving that a break for a month and achieving your goal? That's your choice. It's. Whatever you choose, that's the right thing. So it's not about being in school, being told off, it's about being pointed to have the awareness of the most useful thing to be doing. And when we think about mentorship, we often think like one on one, that dynamic. Could you also have group mentorship where someone like yourself is in a group setting? Maybe people who want to be coaches or they're just interested in personal development, is that also an option so people can feel a part of community? Because we do like to feel a part of things. Sometimes one on one can be uncomfortable for people, very intimidating. There's people I pointed towards yourself and know if you're dealing with this, maybe when you feel ready, have a conversation with Maureen. And I think a lot of people can feel overwhelmed because maybe how I describe you or how people perceive you is like a fountain of knowledge. Someone that has a lot of experience and knowledge and works with people with a variety of different problems. So like you said, they actually feel intimidated to even have that one on one experience. And maybe a group setting might be more interesting and safer, feel safer to them to step into because there's the support of other people and you actually build a community. So I know that's something you've done for a long time and I know these things you're working on currently as well. So I think that's a good thing for people to think about in mentorship. It doesn't always have to be one on one can be in that group setting. Yeah, and a lot of people do feel very judged and just expect you to be judging them, which I would judge them because we judge all the time, but I would be judging them as a person with potential. And no matter where they're starting, I totally applaud wherever they're starting from. And I really encourage their bravery and really admire them for going through and stepping up. Because a lot of the time, especially if I'm working one to one with somebody, the hardest bit is for them to literally pick up the phone and say, hi, I need help. But it's so human, we shouldn't have a discomfort with it at all. And yeah, in group sessions, especially the sessions, I like that to be group sessions where not just from me, but from the people in the group sessions, that everybody gets supported and guidance and ideas and it just generates magic. There are some fantastic mentors in the workplace managers, some managers that are just absolutely brilliant, brilliant sadnesses, there's not enough of them. There are some fantastic ones that can actually will spot when somebody's not quite right and will very gently and quietly go and speak to them, knowing that there may be something wrong and help them through that in a very private and quiet way. There are loads of great mentors out in but it's spotting them and knowing which ones. And also, again, ideally going and saying, Can I just ask you? And I was lucky. One of my best companies I worked for was at the Co op CRS in Manchester, and I was there for about six years and there were some key people in there and they were brilliant. I learned so much from them. I was in the It department, not a technical role. I managed the distribution of It equipment up and down the country and I had a small team of people, but there were real fabulous clever guys and also managers. And one in particular I can think of, John, he was actually from Company, one of the suppliers from ICL. He was amazing. He was a perfect mentor because he picked up on the discomforts. He didn't necessarily mention them, but you could go to him. So I used to say, can I just ask? And he'd like, be so calm and just be so giving, you know, like the perfect grandfather. Or I should say father, because he wasn't that much older. But, you know, the perfect grandpa that has all the time in the world and has got all the wisdom and all the right answers, but they don't tell you, they steer you. That's what a mentor does. They don't tell you what to do. They steer you to your choices and your options so that you can make your best choices. And they love being asked. It's wonderful because when you give that gift, it's like a boomerang gift. You give the gift of your wisdom for it to be received and used. It comes back and it feels so good. So it's get your eyes open. And who would you like? Who would you like open that possibility. There's somebody that I'm working with at the moment who's wanting to write a book and has got lots of excuses as to why there's no progress being made. And it's like, Right, okay, draw up a list. It's not just the writing of the book, because that is a big jaw. There's loads of other jobs in writing a book. What is the style that you want it in? Well, go and ask them. Would they advise you? Go and ask them. Would they give you some time? They'll say, yeah. They'll love to share with you their experience and give you some guidance and some ideas so that you've got choices and options. But has that phone call been made? No. You don't even have to do phone calls with all the social media. We can just send a little message. I like picking up the phone. Picking up the phone and speaking direct to a person, ideally face to face. But picking up the phone or zooming or FaceTiming, that's the best thing. It's quick. You get to the point, you get connected with people, you know where you stand, and you can have a really enjoyable experience. And what if you get a no? Oh, well tried. What have you lost? A couple of seconds of my time. Then you can write, okay, tick that box. That's not going to work. Right. I need another what else am I going to do? Where else am I going to try? We want to just get comfortable because the more we do that, it generates motivation. So we can generate and mentioned before in my mind, I can have a problem and think, right, okay, how would John deal with this? And then I can model what John's behaviours, what his strategies would be, how he would conduct himself physically, how he would hold himself, how he would speak. So we can use the resources even if we've never met them. Our mind can have an understanding and it can even tap into that. There's so much we can do yeah. That is jumping into someone's mindset and having a reference point in a state of panic know, you're just in that moment, like, right. Just having that thought of that person in your mind, what would Maureen do if Maureen was not at the end of the phone right now? What would Maureen do? And it is it's such a simple thing that a lot of us just would never even think to do. And it's a really simple thing that we all have access to. When I think about kind of the role of a mentor, meeting you, how we met over the years, the years you see in my life change and me pulling things into my existence, I've probably spoke about and realities happening a bit more and being in a much happier place of creating. Now ideas I feel like are coming at me, like, thick and fast. And I'm always voice noting, you're going, Maureen got an idea. What do you think of this? What do you think of that? And we'll talk and we'll expand and we'll build. I think the benefit of having a mentor is then the excitement of whatever you're building for me, like the giving back of by default, maureen's kind of included in these things. You're already there as part of the puzzle. It's not, Maureen, I've got this idea. Thanks for your mentorship. Bye. It's kind of Maureen, when this goes, we go, we're moving, our lives are going to move and change. And I think that's also a thing for people to remember, because mentorship is an investment. There might be an exchange of money between the two of you, but that value is beyond monetary value. Yes, it is. It's wisdom. And that thing, if it is shifting your life, there's kind of a responsibility. I know I feel it to also add to the mentor's life. If I'm going to be doing well, that is also going to be paid back to you. But that isn't a necessary part of the mentor. Let's say mentorship agreement, because just a person going and doing what is best for them is kind of like rewarding off 100%. And there's also at the other end of that where you may mentor somebody so much that they're on their journey and they absolutely forget that you mentored them and steered them in the right direction. And that is a beautiful compliment, because they feel it was themselves. And that's what you want. You want people to feel empowered and feel great about themselves, but you'll have many people who will absolutely forget of what you kind of help them with and what you invested in them in terms of time and knowledge and so on. And that's fine, because in the moment when you're giving, that's when you get your reward. There's no expectations of rewards beyond that point. And just watching people so, for example, on LinkedIn, I often see people on LinkedIn, I'm going, oh, that's so lovely to see. They wouldn't think in a billion years, oh, 15 years ago this happened, or, oh, 18 years ago that happened. Which is great, because why did they need to my ego doesn't need it. And I just love to see how people, they were at that crossroads and they could have gone down there, but instead they've gone there and they've created their best future and creating great successes. That is beautiful to see. And how do you know when it's time to be a mentor? So when you might just have a few interactions with people or a chance meeting like us, and you'd say to yourself, I'm going to help this person, I feel like we had a conversation at some point where when we met, I was like, maureen, I can't afford what we're talking about at the moment. It's just not the right time. And we had a conversation that was you saying, I knew me helping you, you were going to take this and help people in the world. If I give you access to certain information, how do you spot those moments as someone that might be in the coaching world or the therapy world? How do you know when it's time to invest in a person? It's instinct wrapped up in awareness of people behaviour, listening to the language, understanding the type of person that they are. You just kind of know and it's gathering that data from your gut. And also what you notice, how they conduct themselves, how they speak. And even if it's hiding to nothing doesn't matter because it's still very magical. But there are lots of things that people can say and do and I just love, especially as it's going to ripple out and help other people, I love that because that is it. There's only one of me and there's millions of people that actually deserve to feel better about themselves. So if I can pass that on to others and the world isn't all about money. Money is so important, of course, but the world isn't all about money. And that's the thing. There are a lot of people that I've mentored and coached and trained who've gone on to help people, and they've gone on to help people without making money, but just being themselves and encouraging. And if you have one person that goes and helps one other person, only one in their life, that is so magical and so special, but often these people go and help multitudes, especially young children, especially the youngsters. We really need to be helping our youngsters to become resilient, confident, to not have self doubt, don't see any big things happening to help that happen. But we really need to because the young people deserve to have a future where they design it, that they feel good, that they can make choices for themselves rather than be scared and also be open to have their eyes wide open to spot what's going on in the world rather than be a mug. Or what was that phrase about being in a mushroom? Mushroom management. You come across mushroom. Mushroom management is like being in a dark room and shit on. So it's like you're there, we're not giving you any information. You shall shut up. You don't need to know. You're nothing. You don't deserve to know. And so we want well, I personally, I want people to be able to open their eyes and go, all right, okay, that's happening. I wonder why. I wonder why that's happening now. And then getting their curiosity to stretch their awareness to other things rather than just be believing what we see, what we hear, and hopefully believing everything. We've got lots of things that are hitting the news at the moment, and it's kind of like it's in the news, it must be true. It's like, no, let's look at a bigger picture. Let's go further back and look at what's really happening. How come? What has that person done? Who have the upset? And why is this really happening? So I want people, young people, and I'm talking kids, twenty s and thirty s, to be able to make their best choices, because that is our human right, I believe. And also getting the understand of the understanding of mentorship. Because I remember in high school being given a mentor, and then I realised it was because I probably wasn't behaving the best. So that was my first introduction to mentorship. Oh, I have a mentor. When I'm bad, I don't want a mentor. There was no positive I'd have been the opposite. I'd have been like, Right, okay, so you get a mentor, you get that attention for being bad. What is the bad I need to do? I'd have done that just to get that I'd have been brilliant. But the mentor was also just like an older student, so it wasn't like an adult. So it might have been someone who you classed as me back then. I would have been like, that's not a cool person. I'm not going to listen to you. So I had no kind of found respect for that word up until later in life when I realised the true importance and value. So it's also teaching young ones what mentorship is. It's not just when you're bad and we're going to guide you out of being bad, it's actually a really positive tool when we understand the language and the mechanism of mentorship, that can shift our lives. Yeah, but that mechanism, I have to say, it does annoy me, because, and I know in a lot of schools, it's set up, it's like, right, okay, we want maybe the teenagers, we want you to become a mentor. But what training do they give them? None. They don't structure and say, Right, these are the tools. This is what you do when that happens, coaching techniques. You ask them the questions. So if they've got bad behaviour, because often, unfortunately, in school, they get this special attention if they've got bad behaviour or special needs or whatever. So when I've been in schools, it's been the challenge children that I've got to work with, which is great, but all kids should have that opportunity, I believe, anyway. So it's like they should be able to understand coaching, understand what to do when the child is in emotion and if the child gives you shocking news, but they're just given the title and they have the structure and it's like, we have a mentorship, but they don't give training. Even the limited training in organisations where I've worked for charities, where I've been a mentor, the training has been rubbish, but it ticks the books. But there's one organisation, I'm not going to mention who, there was one organisation the training was so bad that I actually went to them afterwards and say, especially when there was an element of NLP that they taught badly, I thought of that. So I actually went and said, and I was diplomatic, I said, I do this for a living. I said, on the next one, would you mind if I actually did something? Because it was so wrong. They were creating rules. When this happens, that happens. So you've probably seen it in one of the PowerPoint presentations. What is the word I have on the board? Success is nowhere. And you have it all together without any spaces, and the mind breaks down in chunks. That's how the mind works. But it was like, what do you see? Success. And some people will say, Success is nowhere, because that's how your mind, because of the way it chunks down the data, will produce that result, because that's how the mind works. And then some might say, Success is now here. And it was taught that if you say success is nowhere, then there's work that you need to do because you're negative. No, that's how the mind processes a chunk of data. It does not mean that you're a pessimist. And so, as a result, I said, Can I do? And I went and did the training afterwards and it was radically different, massive, because it was giving them the tools to actually be able to help people, to guide them and give them an experience that would last them for all their lives. Not just a lot of people good heart and sometimes ego, they want to do it. It's like, no, this is a job that we should be equipping people to do because it's so valuable, especially when we're with young people and we're helping try to develop them. That annoys me, where we have this scheme. Right? What's the training that you've given them? What do you mean? We've given them a badge, all right? Badge to make them feel good, so that everybody knows that's what they do. Great. What skills have you given them? None. And that's a great reminder when we're trying to find our mentors, to make sure you're not just finding someone who's giving you information that might be useless, that someone is actually sat from this place and guiding, because a lot of people just want to input opinions and this is the right way to go. So a lot of lonely people, God bless them, and it's not a judgement, it's just the different types of people love the sound of their own voice and love telling you, oh, let me tell you about this and let me tell you. So you want somebody that minimises that chat, is more interested in you and only tells stories that are linked into a step towards your progress. You want somebody who gets you talking, gets you talking about the goal, not somebody that tells you their life story. So that's a really good tip. And that's the same whether you're going in for counselling or therapy. You want somebody that is completely focused on you and does minimum talking and gets you talking. That's simple and real change from that as well. Yeah. What are the practical steps for listeners in a summary to approach finding a mentor? Know what you want it for, know what your goal is, then get pen and paper and write down who will be good at guiding me to that goal, who has got that kind of experience. Or it might be so, for example, I've coached sports people, so I'm not a rugby player. However, I've coached and mentored people. Say, for example, in rugby, I don't have to be a rugby player to be able to coach them, to be able to go and do their best. So it's understanding the dynamics of what you're looking for. It doesn't necessarily mean that it's got to be somebody that's high in business. It could be, I want to do a great presentation, I want to do an entertaining presentation on stage. Doesn't mean that I've got to go to the most entertaining person, it's going to the person that knows how to make someone entertaining. So it's understanding what you're looking for and go and ask them, tell them what your goal is and listen out to the noise that they make, how upbeat they are, how confident they are in getting you to be able. So if you hear them say, well, it's going to be difficult to do well, then they're probably not the right mindset for you, because on big goals as well, you want great energy around it. So listen out for the energy that that person is giving you. Because mentoring, you don't have to be an expert in whatever, you have to be an expert in achieving. If it's somebody in, if it's for relationship, whatever it might be, they have to either be walking the talk and demonstrating, but then you see that's a challenge. You might have somebody that is brilliant as a performer, but then rubbish is a mentor, so it's not that easy. But go and ask them, get a feel, listen to your gut feeling and how you felt, tell them what your goal is and ask them, what do you expect could happen if I came to you for mentoring? Because you're absolutely allowed, because otherwise you're wasting your time and their time. Hear what they say, how does that resonate with you? And then give it a try. And everything is in the proof of the pudding. So the first time you meet up with them, you want to walk away feeling great. Walk away feeling great with ideas and choices of the steps towards whatever it is that you're trying to achieve. If after four sessions you're still feeling doomed, if you even feel inadequate or rubbish or anything like that, stop it. You've got a choice to stop it. If it's not working, try something else. Where can people find you? Because I know you're going to be introducing something quite soon, which I'm excited when you do. I think it's going to be great. If people are more kind of interested in group scenarios with other people, how can people contact you for that? Yeah, through the websites. Very easy. And social media. So I'm on the old Facebook? What am I on Facebook do? Bit of Twitter LinkedIn instagram now as well. But you can just send on Maureenferon Co UK. There's contact details there. You can send me an email, a text, pick up the phone. I love to pick up the phone and talk to people and then yeah, so just set a goal. I want to do something and then come and explore. It costs nothing to pick up the phone and have a chat. Amazing. I'll put everything in descriptions as well, so people can just click and find all your information. I want to say a big thank you for doing this today. Having you back after a whole year of life is sound gone so quickly and I look forward to the next year and to you guys, the listeners. Thanks for checking back in listening to these episodes, helping us grow. Please make sure you share it with someone who might get the benefit if they're thinking about trying to find a mentor or they'll resonate with this episode. If you cheque the links in the descriptions, you can subscribe to the Life Is Sound weekly letter, where we're dropping gems proud to help you become the best version of yourself. And if you could also do us a favour, like this video, drop a comment, share all the good stuff. It helps us grow this channel. So I want to say a big thank you to Maureen again for your time. To you guys listening, remember, no matter what you go through, life is good, life is sound. See you on the next one. Stay blessed. Bye.