011 | Finding Your Purpose w/ Maureen Fearon

hello good people and welcome back to life is sound I can't believe I'm saying this because  it's been a journey but this is episode 11 and today we've got more in fearing back with us our  most regular guest she's featured more than anyone so far and today we're going to talk  about finding yourself what's your purpose and I'm sure at some point we can all relate to this  if you've been listening to the podcast or you're brand new to it do us a favor first make sure you  follow And subscribe to the podcast it helps us grow and Maureen let me ask you straight away  have you ever felt lost in life at some point oh golly yes many many many many many many many  many times yeah it's one of those things that when you're in that situation you just can't  see a way out but our Journeys and we're going to speak about both of our individual Journeys  and how we've linked and come together in life when you start doing those incremental steps you  come out of that place of being lost and you look back like wow when I was there how did I ever get  out of that but it's just those little things it's not always that huge goal that you think  and when we get to that place of feeling lost that is the awareness that is the start of going right  how do I change this scenario that I'm in now the awareness of going I'm lost instead of just  keeping yourself there going this will never change it's that's the arriving at that feeling  is a really positive thing because you now have the awareness of where you actually  are yeah and it's useful for all mankind to have an understanding that that awareness  I'm feeling lost is a negative emotion and we want to be good at recognizing negative emotions  and understanding the more we dwell in them the less useful we are if you imagine when you're in  Lofts you're in that lost state dependent on what that loss date it can just be mild or it  can be devastating but it can actually impact on our mental health and our self-esteem when we're  lost so if you imagine so think about a small child being lost what goes on in that small child  being lost it can be Panic it can go straight into survival mode and while we might just be feeling  lost in sitting in our our our dining room and just feeling lost and of course we're safe all  of those emotions can actually come to us and when we have them they block our creativity they block  our being able to think okay here I am where do I want to be how do I get out of this so think about  um being lost as erupt with quicksand in it and we want to get out of it as fast as possible one  because it's not good for us mentally physically because everything connects and also for life let  us get the most out of life because most people don't yeah I mean how sad is that think about it  most people don't get the most out of life yeah and it's a lot of people live their whole life  without fully finding their purpose or what they could have done here with the time and they just  do you know the nine to five until retirement and the retirement comes you might have a bit of money  but now your body's old and you're not moving the same way as you were you know 30 years prior and  I think it's such a obviously it's the society and the way you know the system's built around us we  all have to you know pay our taxes and have income and money to be able to exist in a more free away  in the world but it does make you assess like the system that we're in is is Bonkers because  it just denies people of finding the purpose and over the years of knowing you and and what  you do and you know all the teachings you've given me throughout the years I look at you as  someone who's fully in the purpose like you're waking up you're doing what you love and you're  helping people and and it's a rewarding thing where you're helping change people's lives and  I feel like I'm now also back at a stage where I feel like my two worlds of things that I'm doing  have brought me into my purpose so people have heard you speak on the podcast now for numerous  episodes and they know what you do but we've not spoke about your backstory and I think  it's a really interesting story because you completely shifted into a new space out of you  know the work that you did for years and you just made a change so what brought that change about  um just accident really or an accident after accident after accident  um when we when we think of um finding our purpose it's quite a complex business and I really would  love to see and it'll never happen in my lifetime I'd love to see in primary schools that kids are  being taught about their purpose because it is quite complex and in the primary age they are  so moldable and they can be molded into the wrong shape and so it's like being a square  peg in a round hole so for most of my life I was the wrong peg in the wrong hole just because of  the nature of my life and and that's okay now I've had therapy I'm over all the things that that hurt  um and from my early Beginnings it was just to get through life and just do the best you can  without any expectations of what that could be so in my in my nurturing there  wasn't any coach there wasn't anyone it was just do your best  without reaching for there was no Reach for the Stars there's no go and create and be your happier  self it's like no it was just simply do your best and with that there's a oh well just do your best  there's kind of like an understanding that yeah we're very good either you know like  a subliminal map while just doing your best rather than come on you go and knock it totally  kick it out of the park because you go for it brilliant it's like no just go and do your best  and that was across everything across learning and I used to be a little Irish dancer um not that was  a little Larry's done so a little bit like unusual like a service act when I was small um from the  age of four I did Irish dancing and I loved it I absolutely loved it but it was there was  nothing right but let's let's see where you could get to with that let's see so I never reached  I never had any goal setting framework that could have taken me to different levels in in anything  but what I did have inside was a little core that wanted to basically survive and have a go and lots  of heights like oh I want to see if it can do that and then I'd copy modeling as we call it in NLP  but what a difference it would have been had somebody given me the basic NLP what  is it you want to achieve you know we've heard think big think big what do you want to achieve  and it's like oh I'd have loved to have been a performer and in my day we had top of the pops  um which was wonderful and they had dance skills um on there and it's like I want to be one of them  I want to be part of legs and Co I want to be one of those and even though I I actually did  go to college doing theater and dance and drama studies and psychology um Psychology was like the theater studies the acting and stuff couldn't do that because I was so lacking  in confidence and I literally couldn't read out aloud I don't know if I've ever told you  that we had speech lessons and the first speech lessons I we had to read something out and my  friend luckily was only a small class my friend Helen read hers out fabulously and then I just  dotted and the teacher stopped me going hey am I called stop stop that's the worst I've ever had  like to build your confidence and I just felt Beyond nothing I just oh it was it was  excruciating but deep inside there was a little part of me it's like right okay I'll show you  and so I learned how to speak properly in her lessons nowhere else just in her lessons I'll  learn how to speak so that I get approval and I actually did in her lesson so she thought I  talked like that you know like a real drama lovey type of talk and um in the classes that's how I  spoke it was you know that's how he did and then one day it was quite funny in the corridor she  went boring would you pop to the office and get me some fresh paper and I'm like yeah okay she  went hi Ben because I was out of the classroom I'd fallen into how I talked which was lazy talk and  she was like yes because I always pronounced everything perfectly in her classes and so I  the the spell was broken in that card I can picture compared to the corridor I can hear  all the sounds and hear hear her voice bouncing off the walls all the way down the corridor and so  even when I was at College if we'd look at purpose originally I was in my purpose as a baby  I cried I ate and I tried to do things and then this little girl going to primary school I went  to school I learned played out loved playing out and that was it I ate and made friends and that  was it and that was great so that life was great and then we came to secondary school where it all  changed where it was horrible so we were kind of it it was candle in a family in primary school  and then when we went to big school it was like oh gosh it was this big horrible and I hated it  the teachers now I understand I didn't realize there the teachers were not good at teaching  and and so from the teachers at Primary School genuinely teaching and if people  didn't get stuff they would help them until they did luckily I was really good at maths  um I wasn't great at English but I didn't have the practice at Reading but when it came to high  school you have a huge different learning so they don't tell you right when you go to high school  or secondary school whatever it's called these days you're gonna have to be doing an awful lot  of learning for yourself so where it was like this this is going to be they're just going to  say whatever you may be able to ask questions or not and then you work it out for yourself  and if you don't get it then oh that's that's on your shoulders so that's how secondary school was  for me and um unfortunately I went to more than one secondary school I went to three secondary  schools and so I went from one in Manchester because I am the genuine monk Union then we moved  to Warrington and I went to school in Liverpool only for probably 18 months and I I was Bank Union  in a a huge great big school of liver pudlians so can you imagine what that was like can you  imagine people looking at yeah I'm just here and that yeah as if you were the thing from the zoo  and it was it was bearing in mind it was like an in confidence and I was shy it was horrible  but when I think about school what did I enjoy so when we're thinking about our purpose  people want to be thinking okay what do I enjoy what makes me feel good and so  what made me feel good not not a lot playing with me friends finding out about my friends  gymnastics netball hockey the physical stuff and maths because I enjoy doing math what  else did I enjoy not with it yeah that was it because of the style of the teaching an  awful lot of the classes could have engaged my curiosity and made it fun and made me want to  learn but they didn't and then we moved again and then I went to another school and and so  it's understanding purpose is all about what makes you thrive so if you think about a plant I'm  looking at plant over there now if you think about a plant and you put it in the perfect conditions  it will Thrive and it will grow it will grow and it will look fabulous it will look its best  ready if you take that same plan and put it where it's not meant to be what's going to happen to it  what will happen to it James yeah well it'll happen what happened to that blunt it's like  these ones are fine this these ones that one isn't that one isn't I can see there's only  one leaf on that one but look at that one by the window can you see it oh God bless it yeah I left  that down out of the way behind the bigger plant and I didn't realize it was there oh and I found  it and it was like it's just surviving so I'm gonna re-re replay it so yeah when they're not  in the right spot yes without the right conditions that's what happens and so and that's that and we  if we liken that to human beings as well that can happen when you're in the shadow of someone else  and you're not allowed to be you're in the wrong place and so we want to we want to understand that  we are a little bit like plants but we have to understand where is it that's best for me now  most people never get to even think about that you know we've got a lot of people that say oh  yeah I'm so you know I know so much Etc but they know so little and it's looking at okay make it  simple what feels good what makes you feel energy what energizes you what takes your energy away  what tires you and what makes you feel good so I went to college then from college I hated it  um I only like the dancing psychology I had a big challenge with because I kept asking  questions because it was like so it was kind of like collection of opinions well I want to know  facts because if I'm doing something I want to know the right way to do it and what to avoid nice  and simple and it's like it doesn't work like that it's like but it should because if he says that  he should he says that she says that who's right it's like oh no it doesn't work like that will it  blinking well should so then I I started work um and I just working to get money what was my first  job oh yeah oh no my first job was all right my first job was an aerobic and gym instructor  and so that was great because I love dancing so this was in the days of you have heard of her Jane  Fonda yeah I've heard the name but I can't picture a face yeah so so she she kind of like um was head  of the aerobic dance class movement type of thing so that I I found a job where I was an aerobic  instructor as well as doing gym instruction now I love doing the dancing type of thing because I  just loved it I love to dance I've been dancing to your music this week yeah it's been great every 25  minutes at my computer because I need a break I'm just flicking onto YouTube and playing you guys  and getting up and dancing I tell you the energy it's given me it's brilliant and  also I'm thinking okay um so so physically dancing and moving really does it for me  and so the gym instruction bit oh yeah you had to sell memberships which I didn't really like  um but the gym but that's coaching yeah so without me knowing it I was working in the region of my  purpose coaching and physical movement without me knowing it then head around with the boss or  rather he had around with me and he was stubborn and I was stubborn classes as me being sat so I  told you this so um a bit of a Fallout so he said well you know unless you apologize  then I can't see you working here anymore so I said so you're sacking me  he said so you Elite are you leaving I said so are you sucking me well you're leaving are you  sucking me you're leaving neither of us so I ended up leaving and then the partner family  said Maureen don't be stupid get back in like my stubborn Street went no no I'm not doing it  and that led me to go and work I needed money so money was my biggest priority not my purpose not  what's going to make me happy I need I didn't actually need the money that I thought I did  but because of my my upbringing it was like when you hit the age that you can work you need to work  you need to give your mum some money and that's it but that money wasn't a lot and I actually didn't  need to work as much as I thought I did but I then went and worked and went to work for exchange  and Mark selling advertising space which I really didn't like it because my biggest value is freedom  and I don't like to force anybody to do what they don't want to do and so trying to call get people  to buy advertising and persuade them forever being persuading them just wasn't me because that's not  my personality type which I didn't know then but through personality profiling I came to understand  so I did that job then I went into recruitment which some of it I enjoyed but again it's salesy  what bit did I enjoy the coaching people yeah the helping people to be confident to say the  right things to feel good about themselves and I'd not got any training for it it was just this  intuitive understanding connecting with those that needed it and being able to help them which I did  and that was so rewarding to see a really nice lovely person who deserves more than they even  think they they they they deserve to help them feel good about themselves that was magic but  again I didn't know that was my purpose so there's lots of different aspects of the job I didn't like  but there was a core element that I did and then I became a manager so helping and teaching people  again building their confidence and teaching them coaching them not the mechanics of the job but  the personal development that made me feel great but I didn't know that then because I didn't know  these words then it was just like oh that feels good great move on and then what did I do after  recruitment I can't remember no I don't know I don't know anyway so I ended up as a um facilities  manager and um I did um some years as a training um a travel manager and also worked for the co-op  as an inventory manager so there's another one inventory manager um I worked for cult for six  happy happy years and part of that job I really loved part of it sent me to sleep it was so tiring  it took my energy away what bit did I like the physical bit they're connecting with people the  developing staff the helping towards a goal all the things that you thought that are a clusters  the kind of like elements of coaching which but didn't I all the paperwork the contracts looking  through the legal documentation and understanding legal wording spotting what's right what's wrong  and and all the the finance um paperwork around it as well and all of that that literally used  to send me to sleep whereas give me something to physically go and sort out find a solution that  would wake me up and give me great energy yeah so coaching is all about finding Solutions so without  me knowing it that job had part of what was my purpose and then the stuff that I needed to stay  away from well I think that's the biggest thing I've just heard you know for the listeners is  why she technically have not been what you would consider in your fullest purpose you've  been doing these bits along the way that you know a career trajectory trajectory that you  I've really chased just for money because you you know that's what you need at that time but without  realizing you gather in these little nuggets of the thing that when you have landed later into the  story into your purpose you've got this knowledge and little skill sets so that's a good reminder  for the listeners that even when you're lost or you feel like you're not in the right place  just be aware that there's still something serving you and working with you at all times  so even when you feel lost you've still got that little yeah hip bag where you just you know throw  in Little Golden nuggets of information that are going to serve you even further when you do land  in your purpose yeah completely always in all situations find that positive and a useful thing  which I never did but I do now is to ask what am I learning from this what am I learning from this  and also stepping back from it and looking from an outsider's perspective and looking  down right okay this is what's going on in her life what would be useful for her to  be doing now that is just so powerful which never happened it happens now because I've  I've learned I've been trained in all of these things now but it never did then otherwise my my  journey to living in doing what I love to do now could have been fast tracked so what was the shift  out of where you were you know in corporate jobs in that world what was the realization  where you were like I'm Gonna Leave This and I'm gonna go and Coach people and help people  change their lives what was the thing that made you because sometimes we need pushing sometimes  we know yeah that it's time to leave but you know the steady wage is coming in and all those things  that keep you in that safe space which we've talked about on previous podcasts what was the  thing that just nudged you and me like it's time to like fly sometimes you just gotta jump off the  cliff and know your wings are gonna expand and get you to where you need to go yeah well I had  I didn't even consider any of that I just knew I hated where I worked um because there were  controllers and I just didn't like seeing people being controlled bullied treated badly and I just  I thought I thought I can go because it was to go and work with single people I can do that  I can do that yeah through coaches so at the time the coaches saying how much money they  were making yeah I can do that so it went from a really great salary to being self-employed and I  got myself a chunk of money so that for the first three months just in case I didn't make any money  no then you know because I was used to a nice income and it's like yeah I had no idea no idea  um and that money truly got used um and it's like oh my God that plan didn't work and then  I had to the need of paying mortgages and bills I had to learn lots of different things and then it  became about racket what is it that I need to do I need to earn money and then people I used  to go networking and they said Maureen can you do a trading program it's like what are you looking  to achieve so I always because I never wanted to make a mistake and I wanted to make sure that they  would pay me okay what is it how are you going to measure your results what are the results you  want and how you're going to measure them and then that's what I work back from and thinking  right okay that's that's what I'm going to do I think I might have told you once upon a time  um there was an organization that had funding to be putting on training for I think it was  the science Industry people in companies that are science related and they said they gave  me an agenda of this is what this is what we want you to cover it's one day full training  um and that's kind of great that's the money that's going to pay my mortgage this month  um and it's like right okay and then you start room full of AD in about 16 people and it's like  right okay let's start with what would you like to get out today and and that is like  I think you're on the wrong day and so they all wanted something completely away from  what I'd been told to to create and deliver so in that moment I had the the fork in the road  and it was like right okay I've got all my preps all my paperwork and everything  but if I go down there I'm going to be wasting these people's time and these  are these are project managers seniors within organizations and it's like right  it's like but if I think about what they want to achieve I know the answers to all of that  what do I do so what would you do James I'd probably try and freestyle it and and lean  into what I think they want to work with and know that you've got the ability to handle  those situations and trust yourself yeah I say that from this comfortable position  on a stage or in a room full of people then it's obviously a it's it's fight or flight yeah and so  I did what many trainers have told me afterwards they wouldn't have been able to do I said right  okay guys I threw them the choice I went guys look this is what I've been told to deliver  yeah which is interesting but if you want me to deliver what you want it's your choice  but I'll have to do a little bit of improvising so what do you want me to  do is your choice if I go off script then I'm not delivering what I've been told to deliver  but if you want me to deliver what's going to work best for you I'll happily do that under the title  of this what do you want me to do so I threw it over to them and they said yeah we want to  we don't want to waste our time basically yeah we want to do that so I said right so I set them on a  um set them on a task and I said right okay 10 minutes on this task while I went to my car  and luckily I had my when I when I go to see um clients and companies working one-to-one I have  a little collection of paperwork exercises things that I might leave that is common that is useful  to people so I went luckily it was in the car so I went to that went to reception got 16 photocopies  of this this this this and totally redesigned the day um and and it went it was brilliant so I got  top marks out you know you evaluations top marks whereas if I'd have delivered what I was told  to deliver I'd have got rubbish marks and that would have reflected on me as a trainer not on  the organization and the mistakes that they made in in not learning what was good for the people  and so having the freedom when you're in your purpose you've got the freedom and the resources  to do stuff like that yeah in that moment well you'll know when you're on stage when you've been  on stage James has anything ever gone wrong oh I couldn't even yeah you can't how many times what's  the best bit what's the best episode some of the funniest ones that I can think of I don't know if  I've said this on the podcast but we were playing in Sheffield we were doing a support show for  think it was a band called The Enemy so at the time the enemy was so you were working with the  Enemy yeah yeah so we were the support band for them and we went on it's like a few thousand  people and we've come out and I'm going for a lot in life so imagine obviously I'm gonna talk about  this as my story starts so I've got a lot going on at home my girlfriend's you know really really ill  terminally ill and I'm still trying to go off and you know Chase my career and perform and balance  those two things so it reflects him back now I obviously I did a lot of emotions so coming out  onto stage was such a release of everything going on in life come out to like 3 000 people maybe  even more and I say halfway through probably like a 30 minute 40 minute set I'm hearing the crowd  chanting and I'm looking up at my Meats what about meats and my friends I'm like are they  hearing what I'm hearing so I'm hearing your [ __ ] your [ __ ] your [ __ ] your [ __ ] so  I don't know how I had the guts to do this but I've just gone stop stop stop stop stop  I've stopped the whole band I've stopped the whole show and I've gone what are you all seeing to like  three four five thousand people and my friends simeon's come and tap me on the shoulder and he's  going they're saying Yorkshire Yorkshire Yorkshire Yorkshire we're in Sheffield so they're loving our  show and they're going Yorkshire Yorkshire and I've gone I look like a [ __ ] so in that moment  that fight or flight of like I've got a choice here so I've gone guys you know what I thought  you would say wear [ __ ] but obviously we're in Sheffield so what were you saying and they were made the best of that situation but when I look back I'm like how did I have the guts  to stop the whole band stop everyone in the flow of magic but I just thought it that came  completely probably because of what I had going on in my personal life but now that's such a magic  memory and I think think back it's been other times where my friend Adele we came out and he  I think he said like what's happened in Birmingham but we're in Newcastle and it's not our show we're a supporter to think I can't I can't remember who was supporting it  was another it was another you know a big van well-known band and um he's come out and he's like  what are you saying Birmingham was like crickets and we're like that's not normally the reaction so  bro we're in Newcastle so then he's made like the best out of that situation and the crowd  loved it yeah so there's so many things you know along the way when you've got that choice where  things aren't going your way or you've made a mistake and sometimes in shows  things really don't go your way especially if you are a support artist when it's your own  act yeah your own show yeah people are there to see you it's pretty much always gonna go  great unless you make a mistake musically and really mess up a song yeah which will happen  at some point yeah but it's in those moments it's knowing that you've got the minerals to get out of  this you know people especially British culture we love to see someone do something and then correct  it and go way yeah we love that so yeah there's some magic moments and you you've really just got  to tap into the trust of you're in the right place doing what you do but again it's the power of when  you're in your purpose yeah well I like that as a phrase the power I have to listen to this  podcast again and write that down because I think that's really quite about the power of when you're  in your purpose because when you're into this one when you when everyone's in the purpose come back  to the future episode of of that title and then we'll build on this one yeah because when you when  you're in your purpose you're so resourceful so if say for example there was somebody that wasn't in  their purpose they'd gone blank they'd have gone stuck that have gone off stage and cried rather  than in the moment turning it around and creating an absolute Magic Moment yeah so so yeah that's  that's brilliant yes I love that there's been some CR and it is when you're in your purpose and that  around that time for me I was definitely in my purpose of doing I was with my my good friends  making music I had a record deal with touring but there was things that happened that you just  couldn't if we wrote a book about our story which I'm hoping at some point we do because it's yeah  even if people have known us or were unknown to a lot of people the story of our journey from start  to finish that if I if I even explained a bit on the podcast which I won't because I'm going to  save it for the future is it's just mind-blowing it's like it's like a story that guy Richie would  have wrote yeah just how did those things even happen in your world but I remember we were doing  a show and whatever the all of us all all seven of us were just arguing on the way to the stage  again I think we're now supporting UB40 so it's a big it's a big show yeah and  whatever's kicked off and we're all bickering arguing like you know swearing at each other  to the the last second of us stepping on stage except you're you're a shark  on stage boom lights first song one of the best shows we did and it is that thing when you're in  your purpose whatever was happening backstage we just parked it left it let's go out and smash it  yeah and I can't I can't fully remember what it was like afterwards but I think we're all  like that was a that was probably the best shot we did we didn't none of us really wanted to let  that guard down but we all knew that wow we just yeah all zoned in so it is when when you're in  that when you're in that purpose yeah absolutely flying but what can shift as you as you know is  people might have already found the purpose but life can happen things can come and just knock  you off track and this is something we should definitely address because it's happened to me  um and then you find yourself in a place where you're lost now and things don't look like they  looked last year or the year before and that's a really difficult thing to navigate but just to  to wrap up as well on what shifted you into where you are now you know coaching oh before we go into  that I want I think that just wouldn't be before it goes out of my head if we think about purpose  as well it's healing it is and so thinking about you guys having all all of the fights and it's  like anything or it could be I've had some rubbish happen I'm crying and whatever so I remember I remember going and doing a Training Day goddesses many years ago um and I just found  out a friend had died and I could have quite easily called off the training day because  of that the phone call telling me that this person had died so I had that choice but I thought no  I went and that purpose helped me tremendously it can be healing when  we're in our purpose doing what we do it can be seriously healing in so many ways  but when we have the things that happen to us in life it literally takes us off that track  and puts us somewhere else that can be torture that can be and I don't mean physical torture  but emotional torture not productive not useful unpleasant and we're on that track  and it can be very very difficult for people to even think about stepping back into the the path  that is the purpose for lots of complex reasons how we're brainwashed into thinking how we operate  and so going and having an awareness of what is my purpose whether it's for a lot of people I love to  go and dance it's like I love to go and sing or play a musical instrument whatever it might be  or you can just go and talk to friends play with cats play with dogs whatever it might be  go go into nature and you know go riding horses or whatever when we know that that's our purpose  let it be our first aid kit so that when we need it we can go and get a little bit of it and it is  a transformational how quickly it will get our mind and body aligned doesn't change the facts  of what's happening in life but it helps us deal with it an awful lot better so sorry I thought  I thought that was quite important for people to understand because there's an awful lot of  people in this world right now that are needing healing yeah of All Sorts I'm going to build on  that but I want to get that transition out of you and your story so whilst you share that I'll just  make a quick note of coming back to that point because I don't want to lose the you know where  where we're at with with your journey because I feel like it is it's such a it's such an important  thing to hear people that have shifted out of a space especially a corporate space and people are  so locked into you know jobs and roles that they probably don't want to be in and making that jump  like you said you know being self-employed the money is not rolling in now you've got  to pay the bills it's a scary transition and I think it's quite inspirational to hear someone  that's actually done it yeah and and as human beings we'll learn to survive we are in nature  designed to survive and we can learn to survive so we can learn to survive and we do so we learn  when we get when we leave home and we go to school for the first time we learn to survive  in that new environment and if we if we're taught that then it can give us confidence when we do  change environments yeah so instead somebody could have sat me down and said look Maureen  this is how it is this is what you're going to be needing to do and this will make your journey  going to be so much easier I had no idea I knew I thought I knew a lot because we often do um when  I was in my 20s or even teenage years I knew it oh you know kind of like yeah I know that and and we  also have um we don't have the culture generally of wanting to learn Embrace learning it's like  oh that's interesting you do it a different way instead it's like no that's not how you do it you  do it this way and so I thought I knew I know I kind of like new loads you know and I knew nothing  I didn't know I didn't know it's like crazy and but I had to continue I had this this survival  I have to survive this I have to find a way and then um so I I decided I wanted to give up this  toxic environment knowing that I could always step back into it um because the title that I  had is you know it's a well-paid job that lots of companies you know advertise for and I'll be fine  and I went self-employed to help single people with a great idea build a confidence in people  because I hate to see people suffering help them understand that they're a catch so that they can  find a couch rather than go and find a control freak that's going to ruin their lives again  and so that's what I wanted to do go and help single people enjoy life become happy and and  I was happily married for a jolly long time so I know what Bliss is in a relationship  absolute Bliss it was absolutely brilliant so I know what that's like thankfully and so  I was able to inspire people the truth of what relationships can be about because often people  understand relationships based upon what they've learned in life and I remember doing a workshop  down in London and it was nothing to do with relationships it was to do with something else I  can't even remember what it was but this gentleman said oh I never want to get um into a relationship because I just get abused I went oh that's interesting abused how so he didn't mean  really physical abuse but he did on one hand and so it's like I can't have happiness because  he had the belief that a relationship meant that your your partner made your life health  and it's like now hasn't now that means you're with the wrong partner yeah and but when I explode  because it's like oh that's interesting and I hate people to have a bad belief when there's good ones  to be have so if a person has a belief that you know I I can never live in a relationship because  it just damages me takes away my confidence my self-esteem no no that's not about relationships  that's about the wrong person in a relationship so I like to let people have the the beliefs of  what is possible so they can choose yeah because an awful lot of people want to be loved and want  to be in a relationship but they don't want to go and have the relationship that broke their heart  that broke their Spirit whatever and so when I and he didn't mind me asking him it was a really  lovely day so I said well do you mind me asking you a few questions he was like no so I said so  tell me about so his first he didn't have many girlfriends in life I think he was in his 30s  first girlfriend with all right to start with but then she was really quite bossy and controlling  got rid of her also you got rid of him can't remember but anyway that ended  and then the next one was bossy controlling but a little bit more so and that ended and  then the third one was bossy controlling and physically abusive so she used to hit him  and then just said you know you know Mom and Dad's relationship what was that like mom was  controlling abusive physically hit Dad yeah and so that was the norm and so first time you get  some if that doesn't work you think right okay that's not the type of person that I want to be  with but his his self-esteem and self-confidence was Rock Bottom it was he didn't love himself  you know in the way that you know I like people to love themselves in a safe and beautiful way  but I was able to let him know what's possible when you're in the right relationship and so and  that that to me again that's my purpose that feeds my heart it feeds my energy system for people to  have choice to have freedom and to be able to do what works for them and sometimes people will go  and do what doesn't work for them that might hurt them but they've got in their mind that there's a  possibility of something else and that that's how I came to working with people in um in a  one-to-one working and training people teaching people teaching people the things that they  need to feel their best and also without me even because I'm only thinking about this now without  me even ever thinking about it my teaching and my coaching and my therapy work that I do with people  is helping people to connect to their purpose yeah never even thought of it before now it really is I  should pay for this it really is when you've helped me do that you've helped me reconnect  with with my purpose and the learning that I've got from you has now created a parallel purpose  so I've got multiple purposes working at the same time and my story as listeners will have heard you  know bits of our lives and stories and if you're listening regularly you'll start to hear you know  similar themes of what I've been through and that time when I wasn't in the band with my friends and  everything was flying like I said I was not tough try like my girlfriend passed away and I was 24 at  the time and that sent me into a deep dark place where I stepped back from everything that I loved  everything I knew I'd completely lost half of me that's what it felt like half of me was ripped  away Hannah was also a musician she was five years older than me she gave me a lot of knowledge about  the music industry she was guiding a lot of my directional choices within the band that was you  know Rippling out to the band members and a lot of it was coming from her so she she influenced  my life a lot at that time so when when she passed away I didn't know who I was I'd lost  what I was in the world completely yeah and that went on for quite a while one thing that never  left me was music so I spoke about this on the last podcast so I I just bought a guitar when  Hannah passed away started teaching myself guitar and that saved me so I never lost the passion  of music but I stopped being an artist I stopped being a performer I didn't do that for a long time  um I taught myself guitar wrote songs which is pretty much about what I was going through  my voice had changed there was more emotion in my voice I was a different performer to  everything I knew had just disappeared so we're talking identity identity like how do I go back  to the band my band mates are going are you ready to come back it's been six months and  I'm like uh I don't know like I need a bit longer they're wanting to get on with their lives from  their perspective like what's happening on this bus are we are we all jumping on are we still  moving yeah and I'm like oh I don't so that led me to leave the bun so now I'm in a world where  I'm watching my friends do what we've done for years what you loved and loved on the relationship  has changed with them because I'm in my world going through what I'm going through there wanting  to crack on with their lives and at the time even though all this is resolved now you know we spoke  through it there was distance created between us so now I've lost my best friends I was with  every single day for years wow that they're off doing you know shows with the stone roses and big  bands and doing their own stuff but I could tell it was lacking me yeah there was a part I was a  huge part of that thing so I could see it wasn't working in the same way they probably felt that  and I was missing it yeah and I did probably at the time need them to say come on man you've got  this come and be with me like come and be with us we've got you and I think at the time that would  have been the thing that I would be like and I needed yeah but life didn't go that way and that's  okay everyone's on the wrong Journey everything happens for a reason but what that did is as I  wasn't in the band getting paid to be in the band you know we had a nice part of money that we'd pay  each other it was the part was getting smaller from our record deal because you're paying seven  people per month yeah X Y and Z like money's going quickly and we weren't taking huge wages  it was like at the time just a grand a month to live off you know around a month and that stopped  for me so now I've got a bit of money in the bank but I'm thinking this money is going to run out  soon I'm gonna have to get a job so for 21 to 24 nearly 25 I'd been a professional musician had  not worked brilliant that was my job that was my purpose so I'd not had a job in obviously I've had  jobs prior to that a lot of jobs some some that I love some that I hated but this is all I'd known  in my early 20s now my mid-20 is and I'm like what am I going to do so my cousin was running  a computer shop so I was like do you need any help at the shop didn't know much about computers just  the basics always been good with gadgets and Tech you didn't know anything about computers  and I like and I'll let you fix my computer this is a company this was a while after so  obviously I was I'm a music producer so I know my way around the computer and you know gadgets  and technically minded aren't you no it's a fix a couple of things but not to the point of being in  a computer shop so yeah my cousin let me go and work for him it wasn't much money at the time but  it was bringing me enough to survive and I'm still at home I'm still writing music but I'm not being  a musician I'm not putting music out I'm trying little things but not to the level I've done it  before and it just wasn't hitting the same so I started to become very lost and I'm just working  at a computer shop now and I'm kind of enjoying it because I'm meeting people and it's different  but it's not me but I'm not earning enough money so now my other cousin's got a carpet  cleaning business so I'm like Stuart do you need any help like with your business he's  like oh what do you want to do this because obviously they've seen me being a freaking  yeah yeah rock star for three four years and I'm like oh you want to come and do this I'm like this  but I need the money she's like yes sweet so he's like showing me how to do that so now I'm  fixing computers and cleaning carpets now there was a very humbling did you actually build a  pattern for cleaning carpets well this is what I'm about to say I'm hoping you're saying yeah  because I got some that need Clues so The Humbling part of this and this is a big life lesson for  me which hopefully other people will resonate with when you're not in your purpose and you're  doing those things you really don't want to do for me it was a spiritual humbling experience  started to enjoy cleaning carpets I hated doing it at the same time yeah but the  there was a there was a meditation in it yeah seeing going into a house absolute [ __ ] show  carpets like how do people live like this you'd clean it and you could literally see  yourself sucking the dirt out of this carpet and there was a meditation to it yeah there  was a flow there was also movement isn't there yeah so there's movement and the sound yeah so  it was for me I was it wasn't easy work and it definitely wasn't what I wanted to do  but I appreciated it yeah and I knew it's like I had to go and serve that time if that makes  sense yeah yeah I had to go and be back in those jobs that I did before being in the band and just  being like right what needs to change because I can't do this for the rest of my life yeah and  obviously I've had back problems throughout my life so the the physicality of cleaning cleaning  carpets got to the point where my back was like we can't do this I was getting up with a men's  background oh interesting how your back was saying hello this isn't your purpose yeah maybe yeah 100  little when I reflects on these things now knowing how emotion drives you I I 100 agree with that and  it got to a point I caused you I was like yeah I'm not gonna be able to do this I physically I'm  like pretty much in tears you know doing jobs so I had to stop doing that and at the time my other  cousin at the computer shop was like I'm going back to study um I'm done with the business so  what do you want to do I was like well I need work so I just carry the business on so now I'm like  this is not what I want to do why am I taking a computer business on it's not what I want to do  this is not me but I need the money let's see how much money I can make whilst I'm in this period  so this was around the time we we met now the crazy thing and the way the universe how it works  I was in a relationship at that time where like just said about that guy  I let someone like emotionally manipulate me beyond the point of what I probably should  have and it was just I wasn't in a great place in life so I let them you know yeah use that to their  advantage and I was like right it came out that relationship how do I stop that happening again  so I'm online Googling stuff you know researching and I come across NLP neuro linguistic program  there you go I still got a lot to learn the oral linguistic programming NLP for sure because it's  so much easier and I'll be for sure and I'll come across it and I'm Googling it I'm like I think I  want to go and study that because that sounds like if I had that understanding and learning I would  know what happened to me in that relationship and how to stop it again so I'm like right I'm  gonna do that at some point the next day Maureen comes into the computer shop which I'm now running  and says can you fix my laptop I need it back ASAP I'm a trainer I use it for all my work  so I'm like yeah of course we can fix that it's probably this this issue have it back to you  tomorrow so I'm like oh what do you training by the way she's like I gave you my business  card yeah and you looked at it and went NLP I was mind blown less than 12 hours before I was online  looking at NLP it's not every day you meet an NLP trainer and I'm like whoa this is crazy and  I didn't know more you know her personality in any way so she's like oh you're interested do you want  to come and do a taste today so I remember you you know giving the thing and I looked at the price  and I'm not earning great money I went yeah it's not going to work at the moment I'm sorry like I'd  love to do it but I can't so fix your laptop that was our interaction I think you came back a few  months later with another problem yeah different problem and you were like can you fix this and you  need it back it's my work I'm like yeah of course I think it's this I'll be back to you tomorrow  right you still interested in NLP I'm like yeah sure so well I've got another diploma yeah diploma  starting if you want to do it so I'm like well how much is it you told me and I'm like yeah I'm  not really in that light position so we fixed the laptop and I think that first day you said look  let's do a trade don't charge me to fix a laptop come and do the first day for free won't charge  you anything so I'm like that's a good exchange let's see what it's about and it was a very weird  thing where jumping into something new there was that resistance of how do I really want to do this  and I was going through a lot of anxiety at the time and I knew it was a group set in new people  fast forward me sticking with that NLP course and courses and doing the next level up and knowing  you now for x amount of years that thing changed my life now we've got to understand the laws of  the Universe I set an intention of I want to do that that thing like looking through the  Argos catalog going I want that toy and then the next day the toy appears it's yours right there's  something that there's some magic yeah that's the old Power of the secret isn't it exactly so  that's one thing for the listeners first of all if you feel lost set an intention and believe  that is something you're gonna do and really hold that belief and most people the belief bit is the  tough bit because when you're in the Lost place when you haven't got what you want then maybe a  big part of you that doesn't believe you're going to get it and and the the power of the secret I  mean maybe we should do a podcast on all of that yeah yeah the power of the secret is about sending  uh Nano second message to the universe yep and we can actually send that nanosecond  message to the universe whilst we do have a belief system that that's not going to happen  and yet it still can happen yeah so it isn't just have the right belief systems that makes it easier  but sometimes we can send out a signal and we don't have the right belief system but  that signal is the right signal to bring us what we want yeah does that make sense 100 and I've  experienced that many many times yeah when so we we've met now we're I'm coming on your courses  and I'm getting this learning that I don't even realize is how much this is serving me and the  group of people we had at that time were just oh fabulous we're all so different and it's really  we're coming back to a learning environment as an adult yeah and figuring out your personality and  how people now start to view you so there's a lot of positive feedback of who you actually are in  the world when you come into those courses because everyone's there to learn everyone's there to grow  everyone wants to see everyone do better and over x amount of months and years you see the knowledge  changing people's lives all this person got a new job this person got a promotion this person  be that person who's the enemy at their work and the navigating those situations a lot better so  as we're getting to know each other and our relationship's growing and we've we got a lot  closer during that time as well is I'm at the computer shop and it was around Christmas time  and there was just no money coming in I'm running this business it wasn't my baby it's not my  business yeah so I'm like I'm not going to put invest money into it I'm just it's just ticking  over some days it took over nice other days it'd be like nothing and this Christmas I just I was  earning normally I was like you know what I'm done with this and at the time I was doing a bit of  freelance work from a friend Simeon who I was in the bandwidth he was working for the company I'm  working for now and he needed music editing send it to me I'd edit send it back invoice the company  so I'm online looking for jobs and I see a job with this company as a retoucher which  is editing images I know how to work Photoshop so I'm like you know what  I'm done with this computer shot I need a change and I thought should I ask Simeon  to ask his boss about this job and something said if you put that in the hands of someone else  you don't know what their life's like yeah what they've got going on that day it could just slip  your mind yeah I thought I speak to his boss every now and again on WhatsApp yeah by the music edits  let me just message her just take a chance just send her a message it's like hi hi Antonia I saw  this job online I can do that I know how to do it wondering oh if there's any opportunity there  sure baby I'll come in tomorrow what tomorrow I can't run my own business  so uh tomorrow doesn't work all right yeah next Wednesday right sweet so now I'm in panic mode  and and how long is it since you had a proper interview yeah so this this was a strange part  of me getting into this as well it was there was no interview it was come on Wednesday so I was  like close the shop for the day so I'm losing money in the back of my mind in life don't get  this job I just lost potential days money so I've gone there they just sat me down hi how you doing  Tony gave me a big hug like she'd know me all the life my friends see me in there he's like that's  probably saying I'm like oh this is weird and I've gone into a full creative environment now one of  my friends Alex has told me for years you need to be around creatives that's who you are you need  to surround just you can't be working here in this shop when you're all night be around other  creatives it's going to feed you so he was fair like dropping that into my subconscious over the  years so I was like I need to be around creators so I've got I've turned up that day that sat me  down right need you to edit x amount of images I've not used Photoshop for years properly so  I'm just winging it like fully winging it but I'm doing it I'm like yeah it's as good as it should  end of the day like a guy called Stu goes like you know you did you did decent like  did all right there gone home I get a call that night from Tony I want to give you a job  but we need a retoucher photographer do you know how to shoot so I went in the moment fight or  flight yeah I said Tony listen I'll be honest with you I've been on loads of photo shoots  but I've never been a photographer but I'm great with technology so if you give me six  months I'll be an amazing photographer love it and she just went all right you  got the job brilliant so I'm like what like I'm a I'm a photographer now crazy  so start the process of closing the business down same bite to all those you know relationships with  customers and pulling the shutters down for the last time going to this new job  that's something I've never done before so now there's a conflict because James the musician  still not in his purpose yeah James is now a photographer creative I'm around creative  people loved it new environment young fresh people like and the energy is so different isn't it so  different I've been on my own now in this shop for five years working on my own pretty much  that's not what I needed it served its purpose but I needed that change so now I'm around you  know I'm in meetings I'm doing my work I start shooting I'm picking up something new so I'm like  you know this is going to be great for just another string to my bow and it's something  my dad's always said like add as many strings to your bow as you can don't be scared of trying new  things and great advice you know working my dad's always championed that so I was like I don't know  where this is going to lead me but it's a good job I'm getting paid to like shoot beautiful female  models well it's not the look what okay right so I've gone from being on my own for five years  to shoot in like beautiful models all day every day and if I'm not shooting them I'm retouching  images it's like this what a crazy world I mean all of a sudden now as I've joined that brand  my friend Simeon was doing the music there he was bored in that role so they said what what  do you want to do so he's like I'd love to try videography so as I've started there he's left  music and going to be a videographer right now they know I'm a musician they know I'm the guy  that edits the music so they started to lean on me for the music side so quickly I saw an  opportunity and said look I can see the business is growing if you ever need someone to look after  the music properly I'm the guy I'll do that but I also didn't want to like make them think but  just hired you as a photographer so come on why are you talking about that I just planted  the seed yeah how did I do that from Maureen's learning NLP how to gently subliminally influence  subliminally influence and you know work things to your advantage in the the nicest possible way  comes to a six-month review that lean in on me a bit more for music so I just gently again said  look I can see where this is going if you want me to be the music guy at any point just let  me know like I'm here however many months say I think maybe a year a year and a half from doing  photography I was getting taken off my work all the time to do music stuff so they sat me down and  said look if you want a job to be the guy looking after the music and The Business you've got it but  that means you're going to leave photography now the conflict is but I'm really enjoying this this  is new I'm learning a new skill do I want to let go and make this transition that's why I have a  word with myself was like music is what you do this is who you are this is what you agree uh  but it's interesting isn't it that self-doubt that doubt that comes in that doesn't need to  be there but that doubt is created by all the other stuff that you've experienced yeah and  it's amazing that and that happens for a lot of people that doubt can hold them back whether it's  a career or whether it's a relationship can hold them back yeah from what will bring them  Absolute joy and happiness and a lot of people that doubt is enough for them to turn and walk  away I nearly did that I nearly didn't go into this role of being a music supervisor finding  music for a brand for them to use in their adverts so I'm asking what does this role look like is it  is it enough for a full-time role blah blah blah anyway make the transition then what happens is I start having conversations just slowly and gently over like a year about me making music  for the brand and I've made bits of music over the years as I was freelancing and I  was a photographer I'd still I'd produce little bits of music and invoice them separate to my job  now I started to make little bits of music for them so now I saw an opportunity and that was  like listen I can do this for this you know this campaign might not have the budget for that that  might have the bigger budget I can make the music for that all right try it right so what what has  happened now over the years and we've been there is I now wake up and make music for a living  I'm back in my purpose and the root of getting there was not just a to B it was everything has  served me in the right way yeah along the years meeting you all that learning has helped me  influence my career how to navigate it how to get what I want how to negotiate that's a big part of  it yeah never done that in a in a world of big business how to negotiate and and stay a nice  person and yeah without any Force do it gently and yeah subtly because right there there are  many battles aren't they the you know the mini you go into war when you're having a negotiation  you're trying to get something someone's trying not to give you something that's how it goes  and my learning through NLP has really helped me navigate those Waters and now I've got a  great relationship with my boss she fully values what I'm I'm doing I'm thriving and everybody's  winning everybody's winning they're winning I'm winning and the journey when I look back now  is so thankful for you coming into the shop that day as I said Lord of the universe but now what's  happened all my learning through NLP language reprogramming my mind and the subconscious and  being a stronger Communicator going through further life events has made me think  right I think I need to share stuff and start a podcast and how do I do that right Maureen  concrete person in my life with a lot of knowledge she would be great to do this  with and you know help people in their lives and I know x amount of people that have been through  really mad crazy stuff inspiring stuff let's get them on yeah so now it's two  purposes so now I'm back making music every day and now I'm doing podcasts all the time  which are going out and you know helping people like you've helped people and how you've helped  me so now it's a multi-purpose thing and that came from me being in the shop that day in the computer  shop at Christmas making no money and going this needs to change and it changes now and I sent that  message that day and within a week I had a new job in my life completely changed yeah that ended up  my relationship ended at that time as I started that new job so it was like one thing  out with the old in with the new it was just such a transitional period  and my life if I could have bottled up that energy in that year what was happening in and around me I  could have sold it it was so intense and I just think when you start to get on that path it's a  Snowball Effect and you really radiate that energy out to people you are a magnet people will feel  your energy as you walk past them when you're truly walking in your purpose and how people  pick up on that and you can inspire people and that's not to say you're never going to go through  tragedy and life events again that can knock you off your purpose but now I know I'm more concrete  in well if I've done it once I could do it again yeah if something happened and I lost this where  I'm at I would really quickly try and redesign my life as quickly as possible without the suffering  without the and that is the magic without the woe is me and feeding Into The Narrative of I'm never  gonna get anywhere which we can all do when we feel lost yeah it's knowing at all times despite  your circumstances which are hard to navigate through you know when bills are coming in and  debts are getting bigger I've been there and it's horrible and the world feels like we've had those  conversations during that time in my life but now being out of that um I'm just letting listeners  know if you feel lost you really can't get to that point where you shift your whole life I've done it  and you've done it and other people will do it yeah and take the learning ask yourself what can  I learn right now and then be focused think of it as a rut with quicksand how do I get out of this  yeah where is it I want to go to and dependent on how and the word for a lot of people is desperate  dependent on how desperate I am it might be I I just want to get over there so I might just  get out onto a rocky path which compared to the quicksand is better but it isn't the beautiful  Green Pastures that is my purpose and what I long for but that path is it's getting me out of the  rut and so then when you're when you're on that path of the the rocky path is that right here I  am now I'm out of the rut things are a little bit better right how do I get to those Green Pastures  yeah and and we we can and it's wonderful to hear you actually say and have that recognition that  whatever happened I know I've got the tools the resources to recover faster and get back  on track get back to what works for me because we can be hurting for so long for many many years  on whatever it might be whether it's um a bad experience at work it could be an accident or  a relationship issue or a bereavement a loss whatever ill health whatever we want to get  away from suffering and back on our purpose back into what makes us happy as fast as  possible but we can get addicted and get to feel safe in everything that's going wrong  I couldn't agree more with that we're kind of touching on careers here so it's this is not  just about finding your purpose career-wise whilst all that was going on in my life all the learning  with you you know navigating juggling the shop prior to you know me getting a new job I had a  couple of relationships with that time that were just mind-blowing they were a real like  traumatic really tough to navigate yeah but what that was my question what what did I learn from  that and I did a massive shift of spiritual growth in those five years at the shop and just prior to  that as well rapid spiritual transformation so I was just completely different person now and  people that knew me before were probably like who is this guy that's not him but this is one  thing I want to say to listeners and I spoke about this with my friend yesterday if me and  you stop speaking to each other today which will happen unless we did a really bad podcast oh no so if we stop speaking today that is a prospect have you just seen my body language my arms listeners just jumped into folded arms kind of  like that I can't imagine that ever happening yeah it wouldn't it wouldn't I can't I can't imagine  that ever happening I can't imagine something happening that would cause that yeah but there  really wouldn't that's funny some people in your life you know that they're gonna be around for the  longest amount of years if we did stop speaking today in seven years time I can only know the  version of you who I last knew yeah so I can only know Maureen as as this version today but  in seven years time you've done so much growing in life that I wasn't a part of or even aware of  that if I was to bump into you again you're that same version so my point to people listening is when you grow people are gonna be aware of that and you're gonna shift into a new space  but they're gonna hold an image of you that they once knew and they're going to hold you  to the standard of that image and you've got to be prepared to let go of people's opinions and  perceptions of who you are because that can also hold you back and make you want to snap back into  that older version whilst you're progressing in life that's one of my biggest lessons yeah at  that time when I grew a lot spiritually rapidly nothing else had changed financially everything  was all over the place life was all over the place but spiritually I was leveling up I was  changing I was interacting with people differently people had opinions on that and I could feel it  and now I know that people can only know you as deeply as they know themselves  but we all have to remember that if it's been a while since you've seen someone it's not they're  not the same version of the last version you saw no but people will want you to be the version that  they last Saw and and we could probably do a whole podcast on this as well because yeah  when we when we develop and when we learn about ourselves and about you know let's say being in  our purpose and everybody else being in their purpose when we learn all of that what we can  find is that we lift our standards yep and so we might have friends so for example I might have  friends from 10 years ago that maybe I'd let them get away with laughing at me or criticizing me  meet them 10 years later their behavior hasn't changed because they've not done any personal  developing yeah and most people don't that's the sadness of Life most people don't so you know  that's the norm and then we could get together and if they started it's like oh oh no oh we  don't excuse me and they'll be confused going well this is this is who I am this is you know this is  this is my humor it's like ain't working for me anymore don't do that and it can be a deal breaker  relationship breaker because I won't put up with what I know to be toxic what I know to be damaging  and they won't stop being themselves for all those issues and so it is interesting that  with personal development there is there is a caveat with personal development you  might raise your standards and the caveat is that the people that might be toxic damaging  holding you back they might love and care for you but they might still be pulling you back  it won't work for them yeah and so the big caveat is that those relationships might change all for  the better because you're having beautiful relationships relationships that make you  feel good with beautiful energy around them but it might create that big divide that big difference  to the people that you used to get on with in that setting in that way but now it's like no  I've I've gone to a different level yeah and the level that I'm at is fabulous for me for  my life and my health and my mental health and my self-esteem but unless I've gone on that Journey  they're not going to be able to jump up and join in in that relationship Behavior yeah does that  make sense yeah yeah and so so and it's and that can be really sad because people that  we loved and we care about but we can see their toxic Behavior it's like yeah you can't be in my  world in the way it might be that you know what I'll let you be in my world for an hour a month  or an hour six months whatever it might be but we can't go back to the seeing each other three times  a week because that just will not work one I'm not gonna change because my working and living  in this life this way really works for me and if I drop back down to that I'm putting my self-esteem  and my joy at risk yeah and you're not going to want to change because you know you're an  ordinary person and most people don't want to change because this is who I am this is what I do  and I don't want to change without understanding the learning that luckily we are so privileged  to have had to understand that development and it's been open to as you're changing new people  coming into your life and what that can look like you are a complete stranger to me when you walked  into that shop that day I'm even stranger now you even stranger now yeah um I didn't know you you  didn't know me and now you're such an instrumental part of my life that you you've become kind of  like family and obviously I can get emotional talking about that ways we have to be open to  change and really recognizing the people who are sent to you as I said when we met spiritually  I was leveling up and you came into my life and started to give me the logic to the spirituality  and what I realized in that everything so is that like you had the tune and I brought the lyrics  pretty much yeah so I started to realize these two things work together everything we're doing over  here in NLP and learning is what I was doing here on my personal Journey but now I've got the words  to match the the practices yeah and the two things really like came into Harmony and it's just made  me like really step into my power yeah and know that whatever happens to me I'm prepared for it  I can handle it even when I'm not handling it I've got people around me that can remind me of things  and just gently nudge me in the right way yeah but as you change really notice the people that come  into your life because that will always happen if you're changing you vibrate in different yeah so  we knew something that day subconsciously you knew this is this do you know what the clue was  go ahead listeners I went into this computer shop I'd never been into before because my laptop had  broken I think there's a virus on it so it was a just I'm just gonna pop in leave it in there  and walk away listeners guess how many minutes lapse between my walking in and walking away it  was over two hours to secure customers yeah and it was it was over it would look a little but  but again that that how interesting because it was it was about two hours James in fact it was  more than two hours because I kept saying I must have deleted that yeah yeah because I kept saying  oh I'm gonna need to go I'm gonna need to go it's like I better go better go better let you get on  but and I probably said that five billion times um but interestingly the universe gave us those  couple of hours where my phone didn't ring and no customers came into your shop for that time never  thought of that before yeah these things these things yeah it's hard to have the awareness of  it whilst you're in it and you can look back you know in hindsight and go oh yeah but these  things yeah if if you check in with yourself where you're at in life right what am I happy  with at the moment because there'll always be something in your life you're probably happy with  what am I unhappy with right so we can look at those things write them down and we can see them  so the things you're happy with amazing it might be one thing you care and even even if  some because there are some people where they think that my life is so bad in every single  absolute Direction okay and it's like I can't find anything positive okay we'll just connect with do you know what I'm breathing um do you know what I'm breathing and I've got access to my memory and  go and find some memories that make you feel good yeah so even if life is absolutely horrid around  you yeah I'm breathing and I've got memory I've got things that have happened that are good and  then look at focusing on right okay what is what is it that's out there because there is so much  out there for so many people yeah there really is and you mentioned before about you know the  people coming into your life when you've learned what you learn and you personally develop and  you're in a great place you're able to recognize the types of people that come into your life and  you're able to filter out the ones that might take your energy put you down deceive you or whatever  so it's it's a it's that's one of the benefits as well yeah that you're able to go and because  you can spot behavior and language from certain people and go oh yeah that's that won't work with  me so I'm not even gonna waste my time whether it's a friendship or a personal relationship or  even a work relationship or even connecting with a new neighbor that's come in it's like oh yeah I  don't want to be getting too involved with you guys because I know that won't work for me and  so we can and that is so special to be able to just know that oh yeah God bless your nice person  yeah I'm just gonna create the space that keeps this relationship in its safest place yeah so I'm  keeping this distance we'll smile and we'll like each other and know more than that yeah yeah and  it works so well where you put your focus and your energy in your time those are the things you're  investing in so if you put if you're putting it in the wrong places your life isn't going to change  so you're checking in with yourself right what do I want to change what am I happy with what I'm  unhappy with right am I comparing myself to other people in their lives because or even am I holding  you might have a perceptional perspective of what your purpose is sometimes that can be  shifted as well yeah like oh golly yeah say you want to be a racing car driver  and all of a sudden your eyesight is going yeah you're losing your eyesight there's no medical  explanation why but your eyesight is 30 worse than what it used to be yeah you can no longer  be a racing car driver we also have to accept the laws of the universe and sometimes what we  think our purpose may be might not be our purpose so I never thought I'd do a podcast yeah I never  thought I'd sit here and do this and really want to sit and you know share stories and simulate  yourself and other people and try and help people now I'm open to well what could that lead to that  could shift me away from my purpose of being the identity of a musician pretty much since 15 years  old yeah now I'm open to sometimes our purpose is already kind of like predetermined and we have  a perception of what it should be and when that doesn't happen we feel heartbroken and let down  yeah open your heart to knowing that you're always in the right space and whatever life is doing to  you it's meant it's pushing you the right way so if that business didn't succeed or that I did and  it happened or that song that you released as a musician didn't get x amount numbers of streams  everything's for a reason yeah we spoke about this before that was that resistance  is always just prepping you for the next thing as long as you're actively trying to change and grow  and move in the right way the universe will do its thing as long as you're showing it and being  active yeah this is where I think I want to go all right yeah but you're not going there so this is  where we're gonna teach you surrender to that and go right okay this is where I'm going maybe I can  still get back there like me with my music I wake up now I make music and I get paid to do it when  I was in the computer shop I didn't think that was a possibility yeah life has brought me back  to my purpose in a different way I'm not getting on stage I'm not performing those things might  still become an option again but I'm do if 15 year old me if I went back and said listen bro  when you're 36. you're going to wake up what your dog go for a coffee  set a computer and make music for a fashion brand for their adverts I'd go what  amazing so it's it's just yeah always know when you're in the right place yeah because  I didn't think that was possible five six years ago and it is so this is what  I really wanted to get out to the listeners like I said I've done it you've done it yeah and the  reason I wanted to get Maureen so active in the podcast is because you have really helped me  shift my life and I've witnessed you do that with countless people so that's why I want the people  who don't have the personal access to you to get a different type of access to you yeah and make sure  you do check out Maureen's information because it's always in the description Maureen has a book  as well which I'm going to link down below I've got some fun videos on them on Rumble yeah well  I'll get the links off more you know I'll post everything in descriptions because Maureen is  definitely somebody people can go to and just get little golden nuggets of information and again  I said this last time you are here on your free time sharing information with us which I'm really  grateful for but also you mentioned before that you know you never thought that you know he'd be  here doing podcasts I never thought that I could ever do podcasts so if I go back to my younger  days especially my childhood I would never have believed it possible to be have anything  interesting to say to anyone yeah because I heard it too many times nobody wants to listen to you  you've got nothing to say you think you're clever you know all that rubbish that I took on board  and because of the repetition of it it became beliefs I'm not interesting I've got nothing to  say I've got nothing clever to say and so for me to redoing this is just you know it's like  I'm in dream and it's a strange thing in it if you would have never heard those things  would that have propelled you to where you are now to you know have that confidence  and think back in time and say no no it's all about learning it's all about learning and so  that learning we can get on board earlier if we learn it yeah that's what it said so talking about  um for example um one of the biggest spans of Life torture for me was the death of my mum and the  upset of that and that was about 10 years of real upset traumatic upset 10 years and it's like well  did I learn a lot no not really um I learned some but knowing what I know now thinking about that  10 years of suffering and it disabled me in lots of different ways which maybe we'll talk about  that on another podcast of how lost and grief can actually do that yeah but if I I now think right  okay going back to that that's 10 years of stuff that maybe I would have preferred not to happen is  that possible yeah because if had I known when my mum died because it was a big shock to us  I could have had the healing the change whatever we like to call it and that might have only  lasted a couple of months yeah I would have still love my mom as much as I do and as much as I did  am I getting over it would have no relationship to how much I cared for or how much I loved her but  bless her she's gone nothing I can do about it and I've got a choice I can suffer or I can get back  on track with life which is what she would have wanted me to do and she wouldn't have wanted me  to have had the pain with all of that because that would have hurt her because of the nature  of mother relationships and so knowing now all of this stuff had I gone back had in childhood  just one person give me that like like you know in Primary School in the netball team if someone  somebody had just said to me right okay Maureen right you want to think about what's the goal  so I was a goal gold attack so I was shooting so it's like what's the girl so your mind is focused  it's going in that's it you just focus on the goal and let your mind know that's what it's doing  and when you wanting to so so I had it so like playing football I thought not football netball  playing netball thinking my mind would go right okay where do I want this ball to go the the  players that I want so my mind was doing it in terms of it was a real goal strategy but nobody  had explained it to me so that I could use it consciously so playing netball it's like right  okay the ball's over there the the person that's marking me is here I need to be free over there  so I can catch the ball run there do that so my mind was was it was using the goal strategy  but I consciously wasn't aware of it so that I could transfer it to other things whether that  was speaking so it you know I was very at an early age very um anxious speaking in front of people so  we used to inter have to do things called bidding prayers where you'd say a couple of lines and the  trauma of it but instead I could have used a goal strategy what is it I want to do I want  to stand and I want to stand with my shoulders back my chin toe and I want to speak slowly and  I want to look so I I could have done that but I didn't know that I because nobody taught me  that conscious awareness of the strategy and that that strategy applies to everything yeah whether  it's driving and we get stuck in a traffic jam whatever it is we drop a load of milk on the  floor or whatever it is what do I want to achieve and how do I do it and then we will achieve it so  had all of that been different in my life because a lot of people say oh well you know this is my  journey and this is how it was meant to be and it had to be like this no there's great big chunks  of my journey that didn't have to be that if I'd had the learning at the right time yeah that's one  thing I yeah I've probably missed out 100 with all this learning now everything that happened over x  amount of years I could have approached everything different it would have been so different it would  have been you you can get to where you want it to go a lot quicker if if you do the learning and  let's set a task for the listeners if people are feeling I had a bit of a panic then send  me a task don't do tasks if if people are finding themselves in that that lost space at the moment  and they're just not sure how to shift out of things what's a really simple quick task they  could do to evaluate the situation and take that first step out of where they are well first of all  you want your mindset to be in a different place so you're feeling rubbish rubbish mindsets creates  rubbish so what you want to do is what is your good mindset forget what's going on around you and  the little voice inside said oh you can't think like that over time like this forget that what is  it that makes you feel good what is it that think of a time when you felt great and it could be when  you're full it could be when you're 20 whatever the age is when you felt in your power because if  if you go back to a memory where you felt in your purpose so if I say right okay James think about  an event a snapshot in time where you were feeling absolutely on top of the world feeling great  what memory comes to mind does one come to mind yeah just just before you step out onto stage and  telling yourself when I step on that stage I am the guy yeah nobody can break whatever  this thing is I'm gonna come on that stage yeah and mine brought up being a little Irish dancer  on stage and I had no fears I hadn't developed them then had no stage nerves I had no self-doubt  and we're talking age four I really didn't know how to Irish dance but my little four-year-old  me thought she did and I don't remember I told you this is what so Irish dancing competitions  are called fetches and you'd have them for age age groups and then um levels so Advanced  and beginners for example and the little four-year-old me I must have looked cute  I was just so full of myself because I had no fears no understanding of etiquette and how things  were I just saw stage there's a lady adjudicator who would be in front and she had a little bell  that rang to clear people off the stage ring bring the next one on ring get off type of thing  and the music would start whatever so this little four-year-old me Ward go up the stairs because I  I had a right to go up the stairs Go on stage and I would be so there'd only be like two dances on  stage and I little four-year-old mate would stand and copy and do what the big girls were doing  and I just do my thing which in my little four-year-old mind was Irish  dancing it absolutely wasn't it was thinking about and the adjudicator  would ring the bell with all bow and then the prizes and so there was always and a special medal  for me and that was at the age of four from then somehow I learned how to self-doubt somehow I  learned I was wrong to do things like I was wrong to want to go and step on stage wrong  to try and do things that I shouldn't be doing outside of my my age group or my whatever so I  Le from that point so go back so listeners go back to a point in time where you felt  really great and just reconnect with it and just allow because that in that time  whatever it was that will be your purpose time when we're in our purpose we're feeling great  and of course that little four-year-old on stage I'm not an Irish dancer now so it was my purpose  then but it's not quite my purpose now my purpose hasn't like you've mentioned before it has changed  a little bit but when we're in a bad place connect with that because that is one thing you can do  because you're in charge of your mind you're in charge of where your mind goes even if someone  tries to manipulate you you're still in charge of your mind so go to a place of purpose and take a  little step what will make me feel good right now so I know mine is to do with people helping people  physically doing things whether it's just getting up and you know as I say go and go on to YouTube  bring up one of your videos and just lost in London it was yeah just even doing that can just  shake off the negativity and then okay where is it I want to go forget whether it's possible because  if somebody else has done it then it's possible forget what age you are everything is possible  even if you even if you're old and you want to do the splits it's like oh yeah we can't do that  well do you really want to do the splits yeah I really really do right okay well it might take a  little bit longer than when you're 20. but our muscles can stretch it's going to hurt but if  you really want to do it is it going to be worth it well yeah it is for the things that really are  our purpose then it is worth the effort so think about okay if I had a magic wand what  do I love doing what makes me what energizes me and for some people it could be just that  with a calculator working out a problem it's whatever it might be find out what it is that's  your responsibility yeah and then go do a bit of it and Savannah is a good place to wrap it up  if you guys have got anything from this podcast and it's unlocked anything anyway you've been  listening let us know start to interact with us you can drop an email a comment wherever you  discover this the biggest thing you can do is if you've got something from this and you feel  like someone else is gonna get something from it please send this to them so they can have a  listen or they can have a watch of a podcast and that's all I ask you know this is a labor labor  of love we're gonna keep going this is episode 11. we've got bigger and better things planned for the  podcast more guests we're gonna do more episodes with Maureen that's why we say we'll save this  for another podcast every time we say that we're banking ideas and we're gonna come back and we're  going to keep going with them so please make sure you press subscribe follow share it on to  whoever you think might need this and remember no matter what you're going through life is good life  is sound thanks for Maureen for coming on this show and we'll see you again soon stay blessed