011 | Finding Your Purpose w/ Maureen Fearon

hello good people and welcome back to life is  sound I can't believe I'm saying this because   it's been a journey but this is episode 11 and  today we've got more in fearing back with us our   most regular guest she's featured more than  anyone so far and today we're going to talk   about finding yourself what's your purpose and  I'm sure at some point we can all relate to this   if you've been listening to the podcast or you're  brand new to it do us a favor first make sure you   follow And subscribe to the podcast it helps us  grow and Maureen let me ask you straight away   have you ever felt lost in life at some point  oh golly yes many many many many many many many   many times yeah it's one of those things that  when you're in that situation you just can't   see a way out but our Journeys and we're going  to speak about both of our individual Journeys   and how we've linked and come together in life  when you start doing those incremental steps you   come out of that place of being lost and you look  back like wow when I was there how did I ever get   out of that but it's just those little things  it's not always that huge goal that you think   and when we get to that place of feeling lost that  is the awareness that is the start of going right   how do I change this scenario that I'm in now  the awareness of going I'm lost instead of just   keeping yourself there going this will never  change it's that's the arriving at that feeling   is a really positive thing because you now  have the awareness of where you actually   are yeah and it's useful for all mankind to  have an understanding that that awareness   I'm feeling lost is a negative emotion and we  want to be good at recognizing negative emotions   and understanding the more we dwell in them the  less useful we are if you imagine when you're in   Lofts you're in that lost state dependent on  what that loss date it can just be mild or it   can be devastating but it can actually impact on  our mental health and our self-esteem when we're   lost so if you imagine so think about a small  child being lost what goes on in that small child   being lost it can be Panic it can go straight into  survival mode and while we might just be feeling   lost in sitting in our our our dining room and  just feeling lost and of course we're safe all   of those emotions can actually come to us and when  we have them they block our creativity they block   our being able to think okay here I am where do I  want to be how do I get out of this so think about   um being lost as erupt with quicksand in it and  we want to get out of it as fast as possible one   because it's not good for us mentally physically  because everything connects and also for life let   us get the most out of life because most people  don't yeah I mean how sad is that think about it   most people don't get the most out of life yeah  and it's a lot of people live their whole life   without fully finding their purpose or what they  could have done here with the time and they just   do you know the nine to five until retirement and  the retirement comes you might have a bit of money   but now your body's old and you're not moving the  same way as you were you know 30 years prior and   I think it's such a obviously it's the society and  the way you know the system's built around us we   all have to you know pay our taxes and have income  and money to be able to exist in a more free away   in the world but it does make you assess like  the system that we're in is is Bonkers because   it just denies people of finding the purpose  and over the years of knowing you and and what   you do and you know all the teachings you've  given me throughout the years I look at you as   someone who's fully in the purpose like you're  waking up you're doing what you love and you're   helping people and and it's a rewarding thing  where you're helping change people's lives and   I feel like I'm now also back at a stage where I  feel like my two worlds of things that I'm doing   have brought me into my purpose so people have  heard you speak on the podcast now for numerous   episodes and they know what you do but we've  not spoke about your backstory and I think   it's a really interesting story because you  completely shifted into a new space out of you   know the work that you did for years and you just  made a change so what brought that change about   um just accident really or an  accident after accident after accident   um when we when we think of um finding our purpose  it's quite a complex business and I really would   love to see and it'll never happen in my lifetime  I'd love to see in primary schools that kids are   being taught about their purpose because it is  quite complex and in the primary age they are   so moldable and they can be molded into the  wrong shape and so it's like being a square   peg in a round hole so for most of my life I was  the wrong peg in the wrong hole just because of   the nature of my life and and that's okay now I've  had therapy I'm over all the things that that hurt   um and from my early Beginnings it was just to  get through life and just do the best you can   without any expectations of what that  could be so in my in my nurturing there   wasn't any coach there wasn't  anyone it was just do your best   without reaching for there was no Reach for the  Stars there's no go and create and be your happier   self it's like no it was just simply do your best  and with that there's a oh well just do your best   there's kind of like an understanding that  yeah we're very good either you know like   a subliminal map while just doing your best  rather than come on you go and knock it totally   kick it out of the park because you go for it  brilliant it's like no just go and do your best   and that was across everything across learning and  I used to be a little Irish dancer um not that was   a little Larry's done so a little bit like unusual  like a service act when I was small um from the   age of four I did Irish dancing and I loved  it I absolutely loved it but it was there was   nothing right but let's let's see where you could  get to with that let's see so I never reached   I never had any goal setting framework that could  have taken me to different levels in in anything   but what I did have inside was a little core that  wanted to basically survive and have a go and lots   of heights like oh I want to see if it can do that  and then I'd copy modeling as we call it in NLP   but what a difference it would have been  had somebody given me the basic NLP what   is it you want to achieve you know we've heard  think big think big what do you want to achieve   and it's like oh I'd have loved to have been a  performer and in my day we had top of the pops   um which was wonderful and they had dance skills  um on there and it's like I want to be one of them   I want to be part of legs and Co I want to be  one of those and even though I I actually did   go to college doing theater and dance and drama  studies and psychology um Psychology was like the theater studies the acting and stuff  couldn't do that because I was so lacking   in confidence and I literally couldn't read  out aloud I don't know if I've ever told you   that we had speech lessons and the first speech  lessons I we had to read something out and my   friend luckily was only a small class my friend  Helen read hers out fabulously and then I just   dotted and the teacher stopped me going hey am I  called stop stop that's the worst I've ever had   like to build your confidence and I just  felt Beyond nothing I just oh it was it was   excruciating but deep inside there was a little  part of me it's like right okay I'll show you   and so I learned how to speak properly in her  lessons nowhere else just in her lessons I'll   learn how to speak so that I get approval and  I actually did in her lesson so she thought I   talked like that you know like a real drama lovey  type of talk and um in the classes that's how I   spoke it was you know that's how he did and then  one day it was quite funny in the corridor she   went boring would you pop to the office and get  me some fresh paper and I'm like yeah okay she   went hi Ben because I was out of the classroom I'd  fallen into how I talked which was lazy talk and   she was like yes because I always pronounced  everything perfectly in her classes and so I   the the spell was broken in that card I can  picture compared to the corridor I can hear   all the sounds and hear hear her voice bouncing  off the walls all the way down the corridor and so   even when I was at College if we'd look at  purpose originally I was in my purpose as a baby   I cried I ate and I tried to do things and then  this little girl going to primary school I went   to school I learned played out loved playing out  and that was it I ate and made friends and that   was it and that was great so that life was great  and then we came to secondary school where it all   changed where it was horrible so we were kind of  it it was candle in a family in primary school   and then when we went to big school it was like  oh gosh it was this big horrible and I hated it   the teachers now I understand I didn't realize  there the teachers were not good at teaching   and and so from the teachers at Primary  School genuinely teaching and if people   didn't get stuff they would help them until  they did luckily I was really good at maths   um I wasn't great at English but I didn't have  the practice at Reading but when it came to high   school you have a huge different learning so they  don't tell you right when you go to high school   or secondary school whatever it's called these  days you're gonna have to be doing an awful lot   of learning for yourself so where it was like  this this is going to be they're just going to   say whatever you may be able to ask questions  or not and then you work it out for yourself   and if you don't get it then oh that's that's on  your shoulders so that's how secondary school was   for me and um unfortunately I went to more than  one secondary school I went to three secondary   schools and so I went from one in Manchester  because I am the genuine monk Union then we moved   to Warrington and I went to school in Liverpool  only for probably 18 months and I I was Bank Union   in a a huge great big school of liver pudlians  so can you imagine what that was like can you   imagine people looking at yeah I'm just here and  that yeah as if you were the thing from the zoo   and it was it was bearing in mind it was like  an in confidence and I was shy it was horrible   but when I think about school what did I  enjoy so when we're thinking about our purpose   people want to be thinking okay what do  I enjoy what makes me feel good and so   what made me feel good not not a lot playing  with me friends finding out about my friends   gymnastics netball hockey the physical stuff  and maths because I enjoy doing math what   else did I enjoy not with it yeah that was  it because of the style of the teaching an   awful lot of the classes could have engaged my  curiosity and made it fun and made me want to   learn but they didn't and then we moved again  and then I went to another school and and so   it's understanding purpose is all about what  makes you thrive so if you think about a plant I'm   looking at plant over there now if you think about  a plant and you put it in the perfect conditions   it will Thrive and it will grow it will grow  and it will look fabulous it will look its best   ready if you take that same plan and put it where  it's not meant to be what's going to happen to it   what will happen to it James yeah well it'll  happen what happened to that blunt it's like   these ones are fine this these ones that one  isn't that one isn't I can see there's only   one leaf on that one but look at that one by the  window can you see it oh God bless it yeah I left   that down out of the way behind the bigger plant  and I didn't realize it was there oh and I found   it and it was like it's just surviving so I'm  gonna re-re replay it so yeah when they're not   in the right spot yes without the right conditions  that's what happens and so and that's that and we   if we liken that to human beings as well that can  happen when you're in the shadow of someone else   and you're not allowed to be you're in the wrong  place and so we want to we want to understand that   we are a little bit like plants but we have to  understand where is it that's best for me now   most people never get to even think about that  you know we've got a lot of people that say oh   yeah I'm so you know I know so much Etc but they  know so little and it's looking at okay make it   simple what feels good what makes you feel energy  what energizes you what takes your energy away   what tires you and what makes you feel good so  I went to college then from college I hated it   um I only like the dancing psychology I had  a big challenge with because I kept asking   questions because it was like so it was kind of  like collection of opinions well I want to know   facts because if I'm doing something I want to  know the right way to do it and what to avoid nice   and simple and it's like it doesn't work like that  it's like but it should because if he says that   he should he says that she says that who's right  it's like oh no it doesn't work like that will it   blinking well should so then I I started work um  and I just working to get money what was my first   job oh yeah oh no my first job was all right  my first job was an aerobic and gym instructor   and so that was great because I love dancing so  this was in the days of you have heard of her Jane   Fonda yeah I've heard the name but I can't picture  a face yeah so so she she kind of like um was head   of the aerobic dance class movement type of thing  so that I I found a job where I was an aerobic   instructor as well as doing gym instruction now  I love doing the dancing type of thing because I   just loved it I love to dance I've been dancing to  your music this week yeah it's been great every 25   minutes at my computer because I need a break I'm  just flicking onto YouTube and playing you guys   and getting up and dancing I tell you the  energy it's given me it's brilliant and   also I'm thinking okay um so so physically  dancing and moving really does it for me   and so the gym instruction bit oh yeah you had  to sell memberships which I didn't really like   um but the gym but that's coaching yeah so without  me knowing it I was working in the region of my   purpose coaching and physical movement without  me knowing it then head around with the boss or   rather he had around with me and he was stubborn  and I was stubborn classes as me being sat so I   told you this so um a bit of a Fallout so  he said well you know unless you apologize   then I can't see you working here  anymore so I said so you're sacking me   he said so you Elite are you leaving I said so  are you sucking me well you're leaving are you   sucking me you're leaving neither of us so I  ended up leaving and then the partner family   said Maureen don't be stupid get back in like  my stubborn Street went no no I'm not doing it   and that led me to go and work I needed money so  money was my biggest priority not my purpose not   what's going to make me happy I need I didn't  actually need the money that I thought I did   but because of my my upbringing it was like when  you hit the age that you can work you need to work   you need to give your mum some money and that's it  but that money wasn't a lot and I actually didn't   need to work as much as I thought I did but I  then went and worked and went to work for exchange   and Mark selling advertising space which I really  didn't like it because my biggest value is freedom   and I don't like to force anybody to do what they  don't want to do and so trying to call get people   to buy advertising and persuade them forever being  persuading them just wasn't me because that's not   my personality type which I didn't know then but  through personality profiling I came to understand   so I did that job then I went into recruitment  which some of it I enjoyed but again it's salesy   what bit did I enjoy the coaching people yeah  the helping people to be confident to say the   right things to feel good about themselves and  I'd not got any training for it it was just this   intuitive understanding connecting with those that  needed it and being able to help them which I did   and that was so rewarding to see a really nice  lovely person who deserves more than they even   think they they they they deserve to help them  feel good about themselves that was magic but   again I didn't know that was my purpose so there's  lots of different aspects of the job I didn't like   but there was a core element that I did and then  I became a manager so helping and teaching people   again building their confidence and teaching them  coaching them not the mechanics of the job but   the personal development that made me feel great  but I didn't know that then because I didn't know   these words then it was just like oh that feels  good great move on and then what did I do after   recruitment I can't remember no I don't know I  don't know anyway so I ended up as a um facilities   manager and um I did um some years as a training  um a travel manager and also worked for the co-op   as an inventory manager so there's another one  inventory manager um I worked for cult for six   happy happy years and part of that job I really  loved part of it sent me to sleep it was so tiring   it took my energy away what bit did I like the  physical bit they're connecting with people the   developing staff the helping towards a goal all  the things that you thought that are a clusters   the kind of like elements of coaching which but  didn't I all the paperwork the contracts looking   through the legal documentation and understanding  legal wording spotting what's right what's wrong   and and all the the finance um paperwork around  it as well and all of that that literally used   to send me to sleep whereas give me something to  physically go and sort out find a solution that   would wake me up and give me great energy yeah so  coaching is all about finding Solutions so without   me knowing it that job had part of what was my  purpose and then the stuff that I needed to stay   away from well I think that's the biggest thing  I've just heard you know for the listeners is   why she technically have not been what you  would consider in your fullest purpose you've   been doing these bits along the way that you  know a career trajectory trajectory that you   I've really chased just for money because you you  know that's what you need at that time but without   realizing you gather in these little nuggets of  the thing that when you have landed later into the   story into your purpose you've got this knowledge  and little skill sets so that's a good reminder   for the listeners that even when you're lost  or you feel like you're not in the right place   just be aware that there's still something  serving you and working with you at all times   so even when you feel lost you've still got that  little yeah hip bag where you just you know throw   in Little Golden nuggets of information that are  going to serve you even further when you do land   in your purpose yeah completely always in all  situations find that positive and a useful thing   which I never did but I do now is to ask what am  I learning from this what am I learning from this   and also stepping back from it and looking  from an outsider's perspective and looking   down right okay this is what's going on in  her life what would be useful for her to   be doing now that is just so powerful which  never happened it happens now because I've   I've learned I've been trained in all of these  things now but it never did then otherwise my my   journey to living in doing what I love to do now  could have been fast tracked so what was the shift   out of where you were you know in corporate  jobs in that world what was the realization   where you were like I'm Gonna Leave This and  I'm gonna go and Coach people and help people   change their lives what was the thing that made  you because sometimes we need pushing sometimes   we know yeah that it's time to leave but you know  the steady wage is coming in and all those things   that keep you in that safe space which we've  talked about on previous podcasts what was the   thing that just nudged you and me like it's time  to like fly sometimes you just gotta jump off the   cliff and know your wings are gonna expand and  get you to where you need to go yeah well I had   I didn't even consider any of that I just knew  I hated where I worked um because there were   controllers and I just didn't like seeing people  being controlled bullied treated badly and I just   I thought I thought I can go because it was to  go and work with single people I can do that   I can do that yeah through coaches so at the  time the coaches saying how much money they   were making yeah I can do that so it went from a  really great salary to being self-employed and I   got myself a chunk of money so that for the first  three months just in case I didn't make any money   no then you know because I was used to a nice  income and it's like yeah I had no idea no idea   um and that money truly got used um and it's  like oh my God that plan didn't work and then   I had to the need of paying mortgages and bills I  had to learn lots of different things and then it   became about racket what is it that I need to  do I need to earn money and then people I used   to go networking and they said Maureen can you do  a trading program it's like what are you looking   to achieve so I always because I never wanted to  make a mistake and I wanted to make sure that they   would pay me okay what is it how are you going  to measure your results what are the results you   want and how you're going to measure them and  then that's what I work back from and thinking   right okay that's that's what I'm going to do  I think I might have told you once upon a time   um there was an organization that had funding  to be putting on training for I think it was   the science Industry people in companies that  are science related and they said they gave   me an agenda of this is what this is what we  want you to cover it's one day full training   um and that's kind of great that's the money  that's going to pay my mortgage this month   um and it's like right okay and then you start  room full of AD in about 16 people and it's like   right okay let's start with what would you  like to get out today and and that is like   I think you're on the wrong day and so they  all wanted something completely away from   what I'd been told to to create and deliver so  in that moment I had the the fork in the road   and it was like right okay I've got all  my preps all my paperwork and everything   but if I go down there I'm going to be  wasting these people's time and these   are these are project managers seniors  within organizations and it's like right   it's like but if I think about what they want  to achieve I know the answers to all of that   what do I do so what would you do James I'd  probably try and freestyle it and and lean   into what I think they want to work with and  know that you've got the ability to handle   those situations and trust yourself yeah  I say that from this comfortable position   on a stage or in a room full of people then it's  obviously a it's it's fight or flight yeah and so   I did what many trainers have told me afterwards  they wouldn't have been able to do I said right   okay guys I threw them the choice I went guys  look this is what I've been told to deliver   yeah which is interesting but if you want  me to deliver what you want it's your choice   but I'll have to do a little bit of  improvising so what do you want me to   do is your choice if I go off script then I'm  not delivering what I've been told to deliver   but if you want me to deliver what's going to work  best for you I'll happily do that under the title   of this what do you want me to do so I threw  it over to them and they said yeah we want to   we don't want to waste our time basically yeah we  want to do that so I said right so I set them on a   um set them on a task and I said right okay  10 minutes on this task while I went to my car   and luckily I had my when I when I go to see um  clients and companies working one-to-one I have   a little collection of paperwork exercises things  that I might leave that is common that is useful   to people so I went luckily it was in the car so I  went to that went to reception got 16 photocopies   of this this this this and totally redesigned the  day um and and it went it was brilliant so I got   top marks out you know you evaluations top marks  whereas if I'd have delivered what I was told   to deliver I'd have got rubbish marks and that  would have reflected on me as a trainer not on   the organization and the mistakes that they made  in in not learning what was good for the people   and so having the freedom when you're in your  purpose you've got the freedom and the resources   to do stuff like that yeah in that moment well  you'll know when you're on stage when you've been   on stage James has anything ever gone wrong oh I  couldn't even yeah you can't how many times what's   the best bit what's the best episode some of the  funniest ones that I can think of I don't know if   I've said this on the podcast but we were playing  in Sheffield we were doing a support show for   think it was a band called The Enemy so at the  time the enemy was so you were working with the   Enemy yeah yeah so we were the support band for  them and we went on it's like a few thousand   people and we've come out and I'm going for a lot  in life so imagine obviously I'm gonna talk about   this as my story starts so I've got a lot going on  at home my girlfriend's you know really really ill   terminally ill and I'm still trying to go off and  you know Chase my career and perform and balance   those two things so it reflects him back now I  obviously I did a lot of emotions so coming out   onto stage was such a release of everything going  on in life come out to like 3 000 people maybe   even more and I say halfway through probably like  a 30 minute 40 minute set I'm hearing the crowd   chanting and I'm looking up at my Meats what  about meats and my friends I'm like are they   hearing what I'm hearing so I'm hearing your  [ __ ] your [ __ ] your [ __ ] your [ __ ] so   I don't know how I had the guts to do this  but I've just gone stop stop stop stop stop   I've stopped the whole band I've stopped the whole  show and I've gone what are you all seeing to like   three four five thousand people and my friends  simeon's come and tap me on the shoulder and he's   going they're saying Yorkshire Yorkshire Yorkshire  Yorkshire we're in Sheffield so they're loving our   show and they're going Yorkshire Yorkshire and  I've gone I look like a [ __ ] so in that moment   that fight or flight of like I've got a choice  here so I've gone guys you know what I thought   you would say wear [ __ ] but obviously we're in  Sheffield so what were you saying and they were made the best of that situation but when I  look back I'm like how did I have the guts   to stop the whole band stop everyone in the  flow of magic but I just thought it that came   completely probably because of what I had going  on in my personal life but now that's such a magic   memory and I think think back it's been other  times where my friend Adele we came out and he   I think he said like what's happened  in Birmingham but we're in Newcastle and it's not our show we're a supporter to think  I can't I can't remember who was supporting it   was another it was another you know a big van  well-known band and um he's come out and he's like   what are you saying Birmingham was like crickets  and we're like that's not normally the reaction so   bro we're in Newcastle so then he's made like  the best out of that situation and the crowd   loved it yeah so there's so many things you know  along the way when you've got that choice where   things aren't going your way or you've  made a mistake and sometimes in shows   things really don't go your way especially if  you are a support artist when it's your own   act yeah your own show yeah people are there  to see you it's pretty much always gonna go   great unless you make a mistake musically and  really mess up a song yeah which will happen   at some point yeah but it's in those moments it's  knowing that you've got the minerals to get out of   this you know people especially British culture we  love to see someone do something and then correct   it and go way yeah we love that so yeah there's  some magic moments and you you've really just got   to tap into the trust of you're in the right place  doing what you do but again it's the power of when   you're in your purpose yeah well I like that  as a phrase the power I have to listen to this   podcast again and write that down because I think  that's really quite about the power of when you're   in your purpose because when you're into this one  when you when everyone's in the purpose come back   to the future episode of of that title and then  we'll build on this one yeah because when you when   you're in your purpose you're so resourceful so if  say for example there was somebody that wasn't in   their purpose they'd gone blank they'd have gone  stuck that have gone off stage and cried rather   than in the moment turning it around and creating  an absolute Magic Moment yeah so so yeah that's   that's brilliant yes I love that there's been some  CR and it is when you're in your purpose and that   around that time for me I was definitely in my  purpose of doing I was with my my good friends   making music I had a record deal with touring  but there was things that happened that you just   couldn't if we wrote a book about our story which  I'm hoping at some point we do because it's yeah   even if people have known us or were unknown to a  lot of people the story of our journey from start   to finish that if I if I even explained a bit on  the podcast which I won't because I'm going to   save it for the future is it's just mind-blowing  it's like it's like a story that guy Richie would   have wrote yeah just how did those things even  happen in your world but I remember we were doing   a show and whatever the all of us all all seven  of us were just arguing on the way to the stage   again I think we're now supporting UB40  so it's a big it's a big show yeah and   whatever's kicked off and we're all bickering  arguing like you know swearing at each other   to the the last second of us stepping  on stage except you're you're a shark   on stage boom lights first song one of the best  shows we did and it is that thing when you're in   your purpose whatever was happening backstage we  just parked it left it let's go out and smash it   yeah and I can't I can't fully remember what  it was like afterwards but I think we're all   like that was a that was probably the best shot  we did we didn't none of us really wanted to let   that guard down but we all knew that wow we just  yeah all zoned in so it is when when you're in   that when you're in that purpose yeah absolutely  flying but what can shift as you as you know is   people might have already found the purpose but  life can happen things can come and just knock   you off track and this is something we should  definitely address because it's happened to me   um and then you find yourself in a place where  you're lost now and things don't look like they   looked last year or the year before and that's  a really difficult thing to navigate but just to   to wrap up as well on what shifted you into where  you are now you know coaching oh before we go into   that I want I think that just wouldn't be before  it goes out of my head if we think about purpose   as well it's healing it is and so thinking about  you guys having all all of the fights and it's   like anything or it could be I've had some rubbish  happen I'm crying and whatever so I remember I remember going and doing a Training Day  goddesses many years ago um and I just found   out a friend had died and I could have quite  easily called off the training day because   of that the phone call telling me that this person  had died so I had that choice but I thought no   I went and that purpose helped me  tremendously it can be healing when   we're in our purpose doing what we do it  can be seriously healing in so many ways   but when we have the things that happen to us  in life it literally takes us off that track   and puts us somewhere else that can be torture  that can be and I don't mean physical torture   but emotional torture not productive not  useful unpleasant and we're on that track   and it can be very very difficult for people to  even think about stepping back into the the path   that is the purpose for lots of complex reasons  how we're brainwashed into thinking how we operate   and so going and having an awareness of what is my  purpose whether it's for a lot of people I love to   go and dance it's like I love to go and sing or  play a musical instrument whatever it might be   or you can just go and talk to friends play  with cats play with dogs whatever it might be   go go into nature and you know go riding horses  or whatever when we know that that's our purpose   let it be our first aid kit so that when we need  it we can go and get a little bit of it and it is   a transformational how quickly it will get our  mind and body aligned doesn't change the facts   of what's happening in life but it helps us deal  with it an awful lot better so sorry I thought   I thought that was quite important for people  to understand because there's an awful lot of   people in this world right now that are needing  healing yeah of All Sorts I'm going to build on   that but I want to get that transition out of you  and your story so whilst you share that I'll just   make a quick note of coming back to that point  because I don't want to lose the you know where   where we're at with with your journey because I  feel like it is it's such a it's such an important   thing to hear people that have shifted out of a  space especially a corporate space and people are   so locked into you know jobs and roles that they  probably don't want to be in and making that jump   like you said you know being self-employed  the money is not rolling in now you've got   to pay the bills it's a scary transition and I  think it's quite inspirational to hear someone   that's actually done it yeah and and as human  beings we'll learn to survive we are in nature   designed to survive and we can learn to survive  so we can learn to survive and we do so we learn   when we get when we leave home and we go to  school for the first time we learn to survive   in that new environment and if we if we're taught  that then it can give us confidence when we do   change environments yeah so instead somebody  could have sat me down and said look Maureen   this is how it is this is what you're going to  be needing to do and this will make your journey   going to be so much easier I had no idea I knew I  thought I knew a lot because we often do um when   I was in my 20s or even teenage years I knew it oh  you know kind of like yeah I know that and and we   also have um we don't have the culture generally  of wanting to learn Embrace learning it's like   oh that's interesting you do it a different way  instead it's like no that's not how you do it you   do it this way and so I thought I knew I know I  kind of like new loads you know and I knew nothing   I didn't know I didn't know it's like crazy and  but I had to continue I had this this survival   I have to survive this I have to find a way and  then um so I I decided I wanted to give up this   toxic environment knowing that I could always  step back into it um because the title that I   had is you know it's a well-paid job that lots of  companies you know advertise for and I'll be fine   and I went self-employed to help single people  with a great idea build a confidence in people   because I hate to see people suffering help them  understand that they're a catch so that they can   find a couch rather than go and find a control  freak that's going to ruin their lives again   and so that's what I wanted to do go and help  single people enjoy life become happy and and   I was happily married for a jolly long time  so I know what Bliss is in a relationship   absolute Bliss it was absolutely brilliant  so I know what that's like thankfully and so   I was able to inspire people the truth of what  relationships can be about because often people   understand relationships based upon what they've  learned in life and I remember doing a workshop   down in London and it was nothing to do with  relationships it was to do with something else I   can't even remember what it was but this gentleman  said oh I never want to get um into a relationship because I just get abused I went oh that's  interesting abused how so he didn't mean   really physical abuse but he did on one hand  and so it's like I can't have happiness because   he had the belief that a relationship meant  that your your partner made your life health   and it's like now hasn't now that means you're  with the wrong partner yeah and but when I explode   because it's like oh that's interesting and I hate  people to have a bad belief when there's good ones   to be have so if a person has a belief that you  know I I can never live in a relationship because   it just damages me takes away my confidence my  self-esteem no no that's not about relationships   that's about the wrong person in a relationship  so I like to let people have the the beliefs of   what is possible so they can choose yeah because  an awful lot of people want to be loved and want   to be in a relationship but they don't want to go  and have the relationship that broke their heart   that broke their Spirit whatever and so when I  and he didn't mind me asking him it was a really   lovely day so I said well do you mind me asking  you a few questions he was like no so I said so   tell me about so his first he didn't have many  girlfriends in life I think he was in his 30s   first girlfriend with all right to start with but  then she was really quite bossy and controlling   got rid of her also you got rid of him  can't remember but anyway that ended   and then the next one was bossy controlling  but a little bit more so and that ended and   then the third one was bossy controlling and  physically abusive so she used to hit him   and then just said you know you know Mom and  Dad's relationship what was that like mom was   controlling abusive physically hit Dad yeah and  so that was the norm and so first time you get   some if that doesn't work you think right okay  that's not the type of person that I want to be   with but his his self-esteem and self-confidence  was Rock Bottom it was he didn't love himself   you know in the way that you know I like people  to love themselves in a safe and beautiful way   but I was able to let him know what's possible  when you're in the right relationship and so and   that that to me again that's my purpose that feeds  my heart it feeds my energy system for people to   have choice to have freedom and to be able to do  what works for them and sometimes people will go   and do what doesn't work for them that might hurt  them but they've got in their mind that there's a   possibility of something else and that that's  how I came to working with people in um in a   one-to-one working and training people teaching  people teaching people the things that they   need to feel their best and also without me even  because I'm only thinking about this now without   me even ever thinking about it my teaching and my  coaching and my therapy work that I do with people   is helping people to connect to their purpose yeah  never even thought of it before now it really is I   should pay for this it really is when you've  helped me do that you've helped me reconnect   with with my purpose and the learning that I've  got from you has now created a parallel purpose   so I've got multiple purposes working at the same  time and my story as listeners will have heard you   know bits of our lives and stories and if you're  listening regularly you'll start to hear you know   similar themes of what I've been through and that  time when I wasn't in the band with my friends and   everything was flying like I said I was not tough  try like my girlfriend passed away and I was 24 at   the time and that sent me into a deep dark place  where I stepped back from everything that I loved   everything I knew I'd completely lost half of me  that's what it felt like half of me was ripped   away Hannah was also a musician she was five years  older than me she gave me a lot of knowledge about   the music industry she was guiding a lot of my  directional choices within the band that was you   know Rippling out to the band members and a lot  of it was coming from her so she she influenced   my life a lot at that time so when when she  passed away I didn't know who I was I'd lost   what I was in the world completely yeah and that  went on for quite a while one thing that never   left me was music so I spoke about this on the  last podcast so I I just bought a guitar when   Hannah passed away started teaching myself guitar  and that saved me so I never lost the passion   of music but I stopped being an artist I stopped  being a performer I didn't do that for a long time   um I taught myself guitar wrote songs which  is pretty much about what I was going through   my voice had changed there was more emotion  in my voice I was a different performer to   everything I knew had just disappeared so we're  talking identity identity like how do I go back   to the band my band mates are going are you  ready to come back it's been six months and   I'm like uh I don't know like I need a bit longer  they're wanting to get on with their lives from   their perspective like what's happening on this  bus are we are we all jumping on are we still   moving yeah and I'm like oh I don't so that led  me to leave the bun so now I'm in a world where   I'm watching my friends do what we've done for  years what you loved and loved on the relationship   has changed with them because I'm in my world  going through what I'm going through there wanting   to crack on with their lives and at the time even  though all this is resolved now you know we spoke   through it there was distance created between  us so now I've lost my best friends I was with   every single day for years wow that they're off  doing you know shows with the stone roses and big   bands and doing their own stuff but I could tell  it was lacking me yeah there was a part I was a   huge part of that thing so I could see it wasn't  working in the same way they probably felt that   and I was missing it yeah and I did probably at  the time need them to say come on man you've got   this come and be with me like come and be with us  we've got you and I think at the time that would   have been the thing that I would be like and I  needed yeah but life didn't go that way and that's   okay everyone's on the wrong Journey everything  happens for a reason but what that did is as I   wasn't in the band getting paid to be in the band  you know we had a nice part of money that we'd pay   each other it was the part was getting smaller  from our record deal because you're paying seven   people per month yeah X Y and Z like money's  going quickly and we weren't taking huge wages   it was like at the time just a grand a month to  live off you know around a month and that stopped   for me so now I've got a bit of money in the bank  but I'm thinking this money is going to run out   soon I'm gonna have to get a job so for 21 to 24  nearly 25 I'd been a professional musician had   not worked brilliant that was my job that was my  purpose so I'd not had a job in obviously I've had   jobs prior to that a lot of jobs some some that I  love some that I hated but this is all I'd known   in my early 20s now my mid-20 is and I'm like  what am I going to do so my cousin was running   a computer shop so I was like do you need any help  at the shop didn't know much about computers just   the basics always been good with gadgets and  Tech you didn't know anything about computers   and I like and I'll let you fix my computer  this is a company this was a while after so   obviously I was I'm a music producer so I know  my way around the computer and you know gadgets   and technically minded aren't you no it's a fix a  couple of things but not to the point of being in   a computer shop so yeah my cousin let me go and  work for him it wasn't much money at the time but   it was bringing me enough to survive and I'm still  at home I'm still writing music but I'm not being   a musician I'm not putting music out I'm trying  little things but not to the level I've done it   before and it just wasn't hitting the same so I  started to become very lost and I'm just working   at a computer shop now and I'm kind of enjoying  it because I'm meeting people and it's different   but it's not me but I'm not earning enough  money so now my other cousin's got a carpet   cleaning business so I'm like Stuart do you  need any help like with your business he's   like oh what do you want to do this because  obviously they've seen me being a freaking   yeah yeah rock star for three four years and I'm  like oh you want to come and do this I'm like this   but I need the money she's like yes sweet so  he's like showing me how to do that so now I'm   fixing computers and cleaning carpets now there  was a very humbling did you actually build a   pattern for cleaning carpets well this is what  I'm about to say I'm hoping you're saying yeah   because I got some that need Clues so The Humbling  part of this and this is a big life lesson for   me which hopefully other people will resonate  with when you're not in your purpose and you're   doing those things you really don't want to do  for me it was a spiritual humbling experience   started to enjoy cleaning carpets I hated  doing it at the same time yeah but the   there was a there was a meditation in it yeah  seeing going into a house absolute [ __ ] show   carpets like how do people live like this  you'd clean it and you could literally see   yourself sucking the dirt out of this carpet  and there was a meditation to it yeah there   was a flow there was also movement isn't there  yeah so there's movement and the sound yeah so   it was for me I was it wasn't easy work and  it definitely wasn't what I wanted to do   but I appreciated it yeah and I knew it's like  I had to go and serve that time if that makes   sense yeah yeah I had to go and be back in those  jobs that I did before being in the band and just   being like right what needs to change because I  can't do this for the rest of my life yeah and   obviously I've had back problems throughout my  life so the the physicality of cleaning cleaning   carpets got to the point where my back was like  we can't do this I was getting up with a men's   background oh interesting how your back was saying  hello this isn't your purpose yeah maybe yeah 100   little when I reflects on these things now knowing  how emotion drives you I I 100 agree with that and   it got to a point I caused you I was like yeah  I'm not gonna be able to do this I physically I'm   like pretty much in tears you know doing jobs so  I had to stop doing that and at the time my other   cousin at the computer shop was like I'm going  back to study um I'm done with the business so   what do you want to do I was like well I need work  so I just carry the business on so now I'm like   this is not what I want to do why am I taking a  computer business on it's not what I want to do   this is not me but I need the money let's see how  much money I can make whilst I'm in this period   so this was around the time we we met now the  crazy thing and the way the universe how it works   I was in a relationship at that time  where like just said about that guy   I let someone like emotionally manipulate me  beyond the point of what I probably should   have and it was just I wasn't in a great place in  life so I let them you know yeah use that to their   advantage and I was like right it came out that  relationship how do I stop that happening again   so I'm online Googling stuff you know researching  and I come across NLP neuro linguistic program   there you go I still got a lot to learn the oral  linguistic programming NLP for sure because it's   so much easier and I'll be for sure and I'll come  across it and I'm Googling it I'm like I think I   want to go and study that because that sounds like  if I had that understanding and learning I would   know what happened to me in that relationship  and how to stop it again so I'm like right I'm   gonna do that at some point the next day Maureen  comes into the computer shop which I'm now running   and says can you fix my laptop I need it back  ASAP I'm a trainer I use it for all my work   so I'm like yeah of course we can fix that it's  probably this this issue have it back to you   tomorrow so I'm like oh what do you training  by the way she's like I gave you my business   card yeah and you looked at it and went NLP I was  mind blown less than 12 hours before I was online   looking at NLP it's not every day you meet an  NLP trainer and I'm like whoa this is crazy and   I didn't know more you know her personality in any  way so she's like oh you're interested do you want   to come and do a taste today so I remember you you  know giving the thing and I looked at the price   and I'm not earning great money I went yeah it's  not going to work at the moment I'm sorry like I'd   love to do it but I can't so fix your laptop that  was our interaction I think you came back a few   months later with another problem yeah different  problem and you were like can you fix this and you   need it back it's my work I'm like yeah of course  I think it's this I'll be back to you tomorrow   right you still interested in NLP I'm like yeah  sure so well I've got another diploma yeah diploma   starting if you want to do it so I'm like well  how much is it you told me and I'm like yeah I'm   not really in that light position so we fixed the  laptop and I think that first day you said look   let's do a trade don't charge me to fix a laptop  come and do the first day for free won't charge   you anything so I'm like that's a good exchange  let's see what it's about and it was a very weird   thing where jumping into something new there was  that resistance of how do I really want to do this   and I was going through a lot of anxiety at the  time and I knew it was a group set in new people   fast forward me sticking with that NLP course and  courses and doing the next level up and knowing   you now for x amount of years that thing changed  my life now we've got to understand the laws of   the Universe I set an intention of I want to  do that that thing like looking through the   Argos catalog going I want that toy and then the  next day the toy appears it's yours right there's   something that there's some magic yeah that's  the old Power of the secret isn't it exactly so   that's one thing for the listeners first of all  if you feel lost set an intention and believe   that is something you're gonna do and really hold  that belief and most people the belief bit is the   tough bit because when you're in the Lost place  when you haven't got what you want then maybe a   big part of you that doesn't believe you're going  to get it and and the the power of the secret I   mean maybe we should do a podcast on all of that  yeah yeah the power of the secret is about sending   uh Nano second message to the universe yep  and we can actually send that nanosecond   message to the universe whilst we do have a  belief system that that's not going to happen   and yet it still can happen yeah so it isn't just  have the right belief systems that makes it easier   but sometimes we can send out a signal and  we don't have the right belief system but   that signal is the right signal to bring us what  we want yeah does that make sense 100 and I've   experienced that many many times yeah when so we  we've met now we're I'm coming on your courses   and I'm getting this learning that I don't even  realize is how much this is serving me and the   group of people we had at that time were just oh  fabulous we're all so different and it's really   we're coming back to a learning environment as an  adult yeah and figuring out your personality and   how people now start to view you so there's a lot  of positive feedback of who you actually are in   the world when you come into those courses because  everyone's there to learn everyone's there to grow   everyone wants to see everyone do better and over  x amount of months and years you see the knowledge   changing people's lives all this person got a  new job this person got a promotion this person   be that person who's the enemy at their work and  the navigating those situations a lot better so   as we're getting to know each other and our  relationship's growing and we've we got a lot   closer during that time as well is I'm at the  computer shop and it was around Christmas time   and there was just no money coming in I'm running  this business it wasn't my baby it's not my   business yeah so I'm like I'm not going to put  invest money into it I'm just it's just ticking   over some days it took over nice other days it'd  be like nothing and this Christmas I just I was   earning normally I was like you know what I'm done  with this and at the time I was doing a bit of   freelance work from a friend Simeon who I was in  the bandwidth he was working for the company I'm   working for now and he needed music editing send  it to me I'd edit send it back invoice the company   so I'm online looking for jobs and I see a  job with this company as a retoucher which   is editing images I know how to work  Photoshop so I'm like you know what   I'm done with this computer shot I need a  change and I thought should I ask Simeon   to ask his boss about this job and something  said if you put that in the hands of someone else   you don't know what their life's like yeah what  they've got going on that day it could just slip   your mind yeah I thought I speak to his boss every  now and again on WhatsApp yeah by the music edits   let me just message her just take a chance just  send her a message it's like hi hi Antonia I saw   this job online I can do that I know how to do  it wondering oh if there's any opportunity there   sure baby I'll come in tomorrow what  tomorrow I can't run my own business   so uh tomorrow doesn't work all right yeah next  Wednesday right sweet so now I'm in panic mode   and and how long is it since you had a proper  interview yeah so this this was a strange part   of me getting into this as well it was there was  no interview it was come on Wednesday so I was   like close the shop for the day so I'm losing  money in the back of my mind in life don't get   this job I just lost potential days money so I've  gone there they just sat me down hi how you doing   Tony gave me a big hug like she'd know me all the  life my friends see me in there he's like that's   probably saying I'm like oh this is weird and I've  gone into a full creative environment now one of   my friends Alex has told me for years you need to  be around creatives that's who you are you need   to surround just you can't be working here in  this shop when you're all night be around other   creatives it's going to feed you so he was fair  like dropping that into my subconscious over the   years so I was like I need to be around creators  so I've got I've turned up that day that sat me   down right need you to edit x amount of images  I've not used Photoshop for years properly so   I'm just winging it like fully winging it but I'm  doing it I'm like yeah it's as good as it should   end of the day like a guy called Stu goes  like you know you did you did decent like   did all right there gone home I get a call  that night from Tony I want to give you a job   but we need a retoucher photographer do you know  how to shoot so I went in the moment fight or   flight yeah I said Tony listen I'll be honest  with you I've been on loads of photo shoots   but I've never been a photographer but I'm  great with technology so if you give me six   months I'll be an amazing photographer  love it and she just went all right you   got the job brilliant so I'm like what  like I'm a I'm a photographer now crazy   so start the process of closing the business down  same bite to all those you know relationships with   customers and pulling the shutters down  for the last time going to this new job   that's something I've never done before so now  there's a conflict because James the musician   still not in his purpose yeah James is now  a photographer creative I'm around creative   people loved it new environment young fresh people  like and the energy is so different isn't it so   different I've been on my own now in this shop  for five years working on my own pretty much   that's not what I needed it served its purpose  but I needed that change so now I'm around you   know I'm in meetings I'm doing my work I start  shooting I'm picking up something new so I'm like   you know this is going to be great for just  another string to my bow and it's something   my dad's always said like add as many strings to  your bow as you can don't be scared of trying new   things and great advice you know working my dad's  always championed that so I was like I don't know   where this is going to lead me but it's a good job  I'm getting paid to like shoot beautiful female   models well it's not the look what okay right  so I've gone from being on my own for five years   to shoot in like beautiful models all day every  day and if I'm not shooting them I'm retouching   images it's like this what a crazy world I mean  all of a sudden now as I've joined that brand   my friend Simeon was doing the music there he  was bored in that role so they said what what   do you want to do so he's like I'd love to try  videography so as I've started there he's left   music and going to be a videographer right now  they know I'm a musician they know I'm the guy   that edits the music so they started to lean  on me for the music side so quickly I saw an   opportunity and said look I can see the business  is growing if you ever need someone to look after   the music properly I'm the guy I'll do that but  I also didn't want to like make them think but   just hired you as a photographer so come on  why are you talking about that I just planted   the seed yeah how did I do that from Maureen's  learning NLP how to gently subliminally influence   subliminally influence and you know work things  to your advantage in the the nicest possible way   comes to a six-month review that lean in on me  a bit more for music so I just gently again said   look I can see where this is going if you want  me to be the music guy at any point just let   me know like I'm here however many months say I  think maybe a year a year and a half from doing   photography I was getting taken off my work all  the time to do music stuff so they sat me down and   said look if you want a job to be the guy looking  after the music and The Business you've got it but   that means you're going to leave photography now  the conflict is but I'm really enjoying this this   is new I'm learning a new skill do I want to let  go and make this transition that's why I have a   word with myself was like music is what you do  this is who you are this is what you agree uh   but it's interesting isn't it that self-doubt  that doubt that comes in that doesn't need to   be there but that doubt is created by all the  other stuff that you've experienced yeah and   it's amazing that and that happens for a lot of  people that doubt can hold them back whether it's   a career or whether it's a relationship can  hold them back yeah from what will bring them   Absolute joy and happiness and a lot of people  that doubt is enough for them to turn and walk   away I nearly did that I nearly didn't go into  this role of being a music supervisor finding   music for a brand for them to use in their adverts  so I'm asking what does this role look like is it   is it enough for a full-time role blah blah blah  anyway make the transition then what happens is I start having conversations just slowly and  gently over like a year about me making music   for the brand and I've made bits of music  over the years as I was freelancing and I   was a photographer I'd still I'd produce little  bits of music and invoice them separate to my job   now I started to make little bits of music for  them so now I saw an opportunity and that was   like listen I can do this for this you know this  campaign might not have the budget for that that   might have the bigger budget I can make the music  for that all right try it right so what what has   happened now over the years and we've been there  is I now wake up and make music for a living   I'm back in my purpose and the root of getting  there was not just a to B it was everything has   served me in the right way yeah along the years  meeting you all that learning has helped me   influence my career how to navigate it how to get  what I want how to negotiate that's a big part of   it yeah never done that in a in a world of big  business how to negotiate and and stay a nice   person and yeah without any Force do it gently  and yeah subtly because right there there are   many battles aren't they the you know the mini  you go into war when you're having a negotiation   you're trying to get something someone's trying  not to give you something that's how it goes   and my learning through NLP has really helped  me navigate those Waters and now I've got a   great relationship with my boss she fully values  what I'm I'm doing I'm thriving and everybody's   winning everybody's winning they're winning I'm  winning and the journey when I look back now   is so thankful for you coming into the shop that  day as I said Lord of the universe but now what's   happened all my learning through NLP language  reprogramming my mind and the subconscious and   being a stronger Communicator going through  further life events has made me think   right I think I need to share stuff and start  a podcast and how do I do that right Maureen   concrete person in my life with a lot of  knowledge she would be great to do this   with and you know help people in their lives and  I know x amount of people that have been through   really mad crazy stuff inspiring stuff  let's get them on yeah so now it's two   purposes so now I'm back making music every  day and now I'm doing podcasts all the time   which are going out and you know helping people  like you've helped people and how you've helped   me so now it's a multi-purpose thing and that came  from me being in the shop that day in the computer   shop at Christmas making no money and going this  needs to change and it changes now and I sent that   message that day and within a week I had a new job  in my life completely changed yeah that ended up   my relationship ended at that time as I  started that new job so it was like one thing   out with the old in with the new it  was just such a transitional period   and my life if I could have bottled up that energy  in that year what was happening in and around me I   could have sold it it was so intense and I just  think when you start to get on that path it's a   Snowball Effect and you really radiate that energy  out to people you are a magnet people will feel   your energy as you walk past them when you're  truly walking in your purpose and how people   pick up on that and you can inspire people and  that's not to say you're never going to go through   tragedy and life events again that can knock you  off your purpose but now I know I'm more concrete   in well if I've done it once I could do it again  yeah if something happened and I lost this where   I'm at I would really quickly try and redesign my  life as quickly as possible without the suffering   without the and that is the magic without the woe  is me and feeding Into The Narrative of I'm never   gonna get anywhere which we can all do when we  feel lost yeah it's knowing at all times despite   your circumstances which are hard to navigate  through you know when bills are coming in and   debts are getting bigger I've been there and it's  horrible and the world feels like we've had those   conversations during that time in my life but now  being out of that um I'm just letting listeners   know if you feel lost you really can't get to that  point where you shift your whole life I've done it   and you've done it and other people will do it  yeah and take the learning ask yourself what can   I learn right now and then be focused think of it  as a rut with quicksand how do I get out of this   yeah where is it I want to go to and dependent on  how and the word for a lot of people is desperate   dependent on how desperate I am it might be I  I just want to get over there so I might just   get out onto a rocky path which compared to the  quicksand is better but it isn't the beautiful   Green Pastures that is my purpose and what I long  for but that path is it's getting me out of the   rut and so then when you're when you're on that  path of the the rocky path is that right here I   am now I'm out of the rut things are a little bit  better right how do I get to those Green Pastures   yeah and and we we can and it's wonderful to hear  you actually say and have that recognition that   whatever happened I know I've got the tools  the resources to recover faster and get back   on track get back to what works for me because  we can be hurting for so long for many many years   on whatever it might be whether it's um a bad  experience at work it could be an accident or   a relationship issue or a bereavement a loss  whatever ill health whatever we want to get   away from suffering and back on our purpose  back into what makes us happy as fast as   possible but we can get addicted and get to  feel safe in everything that's going wrong   I couldn't agree more with that we're kind of  touching on careers here so it's this is not   just about finding your purpose career-wise whilst  all that was going on in my life all the learning   with you you know navigating juggling the shop  prior to you know me getting a new job I had a   couple of relationships with that time that  were just mind-blowing they were a real like   traumatic really tough to navigate yeah but what  that was my question what what did I learn from   that and I did a massive shift of spiritual growth  in those five years at the shop and just prior to   that as well rapid spiritual transformation so  I was just completely different person now and   people that knew me before were probably like  who is this guy that's not him but this is one   thing I want to say to listeners and I spoke  about this with my friend yesterday if me and   you stop speaking to each other today which will  happen unless we did a really bad podcast oh no so if we stop speaking today that is a prospect have you just seen my body language my arms  listeners just jumped into folded arms kind of   like that I can't imagine that ever happening yeah  it wouldn't it wouldn't I can't I can't imagine   that ever happening I can't imagine something  happening that would cause that yeah but there   really wouldn't that's funny some people in your  life you know that they're gonna be around for the   longest amount of years if we did stop speaking  today in seven years time I can only know the   version of you who I last knew yeah so I can  only know Maureen as as this version today but   in seven years time you've done so much growing  in life that I wasn't a part of or even aware of   that if I was to bump into you again you're that  same version so my point to people listening is when you grow people are gonna be aware of  that and you're gonna shift into a new space   but they're gonna hold an image of you that  they once knew and they're going to hold you   to the standard of that image and you've got to  be prepared to let go of people's opinions and   perceptions of who you are because that can also  hold you back and make you want to snap back into   that older version whilst you're progressing in  life that's one of my biggest lessons yeah at   that time when I grew a lot spiritually rapidly  nothing else had changed financially everything   was all over the place life was all over the  place but spiritually I was leveling up I was   changing I was interacting with people differently  people had opinions on that and I could feel it   and now I know that people can only know  you as deeply as they know themselves   but we all have to remember that if it's been a  while since you've seen someone it's not they're   not the same version of the last version you saw  no but people will want you to be the version that   they last Saw and and we could probably do  a whole podcast on this as well because yeah   when we when we develop and when we learn about  ourselves and about you know let's say being in   our purpose and everybody else being in their  purpose when we learn all of that what we can   find is that we lift our standards yep and so we  might have friends so for example I might have   friends from 10 years ago that maybe I'd let them  get away with laughing at me or criticizing me   meet them 10 years later their behavior hasn't  changed because they've not done any personal   developing yeah and most people don't that's the  sadness of Life most people don't so you know   that's the norm and then we could get together  and if they started it's like oh oh no oh we   don't excuse me and they'll be confused going well  this is this is who I am this is you know this is   this is my humor it's like ain't working for me  anymore don't do that and it can be a deal breaker   relationship breaker because I won't put up with  what I know to be toxic what I know to be damaging   and they won't stop being themselves for all  those issues and so it is interesting that   with personal development there is there  is a caveat with personal development you   might raise your standards and the caveat is  that the people that might be toxic damaging   holding you back they might love and care for  you but they might still be pulling you back   it won't work for them yeah and so the big caveat  is that those relationships might change all for   the better because you're having beautiful  relationships relationships that make you   feel good with beautiful energy around them but it  might create that big divide that big difference   to the people that you used to get on with in  that setting in that way but now it's like no   I've I've gone to a different level yeah and  the level that I'm at is fabulous for me for   my life and my health and my mental health and my  self-esteem but unless I've gone on that Journey   they're not going to be able to jump up and join  in in that relationship Behavior yeah does that   make sense yeah yeah and so so and it's and  that can be really sad because people that   we loved and we care about but we can see their  toxic Behavior it's like yeah you can't be in my   world in the way it might be that you know what  I'll let you be in my world for an hour a month   or an hour six months whatever it might be but we  can't go back to the seeing each other three times   a week because that just will not work one I'm  not gonna change because my working and living   in this life this way really works for me and if I  drop back down to that I'm putting my self-esteem   and my joy at risk yeah and you're not going  to want to change because you know you're an   ordinary person and most people don't want to  change because this is who I am this is what I do   and I don't want to change without understanding  the learning that luckily we are so privileged   to have had to understand that development and  it's been open to as you're changing new people   coming into your life and what that can look like  you are a complete stranger to me when you walked   into that shop that day I'm even stranger now you  even stranger now yeah um I didn't know you you   didn't know me and now you're such an instrumental  part of my life that you you've become kind of   like family and obviously I can get emotional  talking about that ways we have to be open to   change and really recognizing the people who are  sent to you as I said when we met spiritually   I was leveling up and you came into my life and  started to give me the logic to the spirituality   and what I realized in that everything so is that  like you had the tune and I brought the lyrics   pretty much yeah so I started to realize these two  things work together everything we're doing over   here in NLP and learning is what I was doing here  on my personal Journey but now I've got the words   to match the the practices yeah and the two things  really like came into Harmony and it's just made   me like really step into my power yeah and know  that whatever happens to me I'm prepared for it   I can handle it even when I'm not handling it I've  got people around me that can remind me of things   and just gently nudge me in the right way yeah but  as you change really notice the people that come   into your life because that will always happen if  you're changing you vibrate in different yeah so   we knew something that day subconsciously you  knew this is this do you know what the clue was   go ahead listeners I went into this computer shop  I'd never been into before because my laptop had   broken I think there's a virus on it so it was  a just I'm just gonna pop in leave it in there   and walk away listeners guess how many minutes  lapse between my walking in and walking away it   was over two hours to secure customers yeah and  it was it was over it would look a little but   but again that that how interesting because it  was it was about two hours James in fact it was   more than two hours because I kept saying I must  have deleted that yeah yeah because I kept saying   oh I'm gonna need to go I'm gonna need to go it's  like I better go better go better let you get on   but and I probably said that five billion times  um but interestingly the universe gave us those   couple of hours where my phone didn't ring and no  customers came into your shop for that time never   thought of that before yeah these things these  things yeah it's hard to have the awareness of   it whilst you're in it and you can look back  you know in hindsight and go oh yeah but these   things yeah if if you check in with yourself  where you're at in life right what am I happy   with at the moment because there'll always be  something in your life you're probably happy with   what am I unhappy with right so we can look at  those things write them down and we can see them   so the things you're happy with amazing it  might be one thing you care and even even if   some because there are some people where they  think that my life is so bad in every single   absolute Direction okay and it's like I can't find  anything positive okay we'll just connect with do you know what I'm breathing um do you know what  I'm breathing and I've got access to my memory and   go and find some memories that make you feel good  yeah so even if life is absolutely horrid around   you yeah I'm breathing and I've got memory I've  got things that have happened that are good and   then look at focusing on right okay what is what  is it that's out there because there is so much   out there for so many people yeah there really  is and you mentioned before about you know the   people coming into your life when you've learned  what you learn and you personally develop and   you're in a great place you're able to recognize  the types of people that come into your life and   you're able to filter out the ones that might take  your energy put you down deceive you or whatever   so it's it's a it's that's one of the benefits  as well yeah that you're able to go and because   you can spot behavior and language from certain  people and go oh yeah that's that won't work with   me so I'm not even gonna waste my time whether  it's a friendship or a personal relationship or   even a work relationship or even connecting with  a new neighbor that's come in it's like oh yeah I   don't want to be getting too involved with you  guys because I know that won't work for me and   so we can and that is so special to be able to  just know that oh yeah God bless your nice person   yeah I'm just gonna create the space that keeps  this relationship in its safest place yeah so I'm   keeping this distance we'll smile and we'll like  each other and know more than that yeah yeah and   it works so well where you put your focus and your  energy in your time those are the things you're   investing in so if you put if you're putting it in  the wrong places your life isn't going to change   so you're checking in with yourself right what  do I want to change what am I happy with what I'm   unhappy with right am I comparing myself to other  people in their lives because or even am I holding   you might have a perceptional perspective of  what your purpose is sometimes that can be   shifted as well yeah like oh golly yeah  say you want to be a racing car driver   and all of a sudden your eyesight is going yeah  you're losing your eyesight there's no medical   explanation why but your eyesight is 30 worse  than what it used to be yeah you can no longer   be a racing car driver we also have to accept  the laws of the universe and sometimes what we   think our purpose may be might not be our purpose  so I never thought I'd do a podcast yeah I never   thought I'd sit here and do this and really want  to sit and you know share stories and simulate   yourself and other people and try and help people  now I'm open to well what could that lead to that   could shift me away from my purpose of being the  identity of a musician pretty much since 15 years   old yeah now I'm open to sometimes our purpose  is already kind of like predetermined and we have   a perception of what it should be and when that  doesn't happen we feel heartbroken and let down   yeah open your heart to knowing that you're always  in the right space and whatever life is doing to   you it's meant it's pushing you the right way so  if that business didn't succeed or that I did and   it happened or that song that you released as a  musician didn't get x amount numbers of streams   everything's for a reason yeah we spoke  about this before that was that resistance   is always just prepping you for the next thing as  long as you're actively trying to change and grow   and move in the right way the universe will do  its thing as long as you're showing it and being   active yeah this is where I think I want to go all  right yeah but you're not going there so this is   where we're gonna teach you surrender to that and  go right okay this is where I'm going maybe I can   still get back there like me with my music I wake  up now I make music and I get paid to do it when   I was in the computer shop I didn't think that  was a possibility yeah life has brought me back   to my purpose in a different way I'm not getting  on stage I'm not performing those things might   still become an option again but I'm do if 15  year old me if I went back and said listen bro   when you're 36. you're going to wake  up what your dog go for a coffee   set a computer and make music for a  fashion brand for their adverts I'd go what   amazing so it's it's just yeah always know  when you're in the right place yeah because   I didn't think that was possible five  six years ago and it is so this is what   I really wanted to get out to the listeners like  I said I've done it you've done it yeah and the   reason I wanted to get Maureen so active in the  podcast is because you have really helped me   shift my life and I've witnessed you do that with  countless people so that's why I want the people   who don't have the personal access to you to get a  different type of access to you yeah and make sure   you do check out Maureen's information because  it's always in the description Maureen has a book   as well which I'm going to link down below I've  got some fun videos on them on Rumble yeah well   I'll get the links off more you know I'll post  everything in descriptions because Maureen is   definitely somebody people can go to and just get  little golden nuggets of information and again   I said this last time you are here on your free  time sharing information with us which I'm really   grateful for but also you mentioned before that  you know you never thought that you know he'd be   here doing podcasts I never thought that I could  ever do podcasts so if I go back to my younger   days especially my childhood I would never  have believed it possible to be have anything   interesting to say to anyone yeah because I heard  it too many times nobody wants to listen to you   you've got nothing to say you think you're clever  you know all that rubbish that I took on board   and because of the repetition of it it became  beliefs I'm not interesting I've got nothing to   say I've got nothing clever to say and so for  me to redoing this is just you know it's like   I'm in dream and it's a strange thing in it  if you would have never heard those things   would that have propelled you to where you  are now to you know have that confidence   and think back in time and say no no it's all  about learning it's all about learning and so   that learning we can get on board earlier if we  learn it yeah that's what it said so talking about   um for example um one of the biggest spans of Life  torture for me was the death of my mum and the   upset of that and that was about 10 years of real  upset traumatic upset 10 years and it's like well   did I learn a lot no not really um I learned some  but knowing what I know now thinking about that   10 years of suffering and it disabled me in lots  of different ways which maybe we'll talk about   that on another podcast of how lost and grief can  actually do that yeah but if I I now think right   okay going back to that that's 10 years of stuff  that maybe I would have preferred not to happen is   that possible yeah because if had I known when  my mum died because it was a big shock to us   I could have had the healing the change whatever  we like to call it and that might have only   lasted a couple of months yeah I would have still  love my mom as much as I do and as much as I did   am I getting over it would have no relationship to  how much I cared for or how much I loved her but   bless her she's gone nothing I can do about it and  I've got a choice I can suffer or I can get back   on track with life which is what she would have  wanted me to do and she wouldn't have wanted me   to have had the pain with all of that because  that would have hurt her because of the nature   of mother relationships and so knowing now all  of this stuff had I gone back had in childhood   just one person give me that like like you know  in Primary School in the netball team if someone   somebody had just said to me right okay Maureen  right you want to think about what's the goal   so I was a goal gold attack so I was shooting so  it's like what's the girl so your mind is focused   it's going in that's it you just focus on the  goal and let your mind know that's what it's doing   and when you wanting to so so I had it so like  playing football I thought not football netball   playing netball thinking my mind would go right  okay where do I want this ball to go the the   players that I want so my mind was doing it in  terms of it was a real goal strategy but nobody   had explained it to me so that I could use it  consciously so playing netball it's like right   okay the ball's over there the the person that's  marking me is here I need to be free over there   so I can catch the ball run there do that so  my mind was was it was using the goal strategy   but I consciously wasn't aware of it so that I  could transfer it to other things whether that   was speaking so it you know I was very at an early  age very um anxious speaking in front of people so   we used to inter have to do things called bidding  prayers where you'd say a couple of lines and the   trauma of it but instead I could have used a  goal strategy what is it I want to do I want   to stand and I want to stand with my shoulders  back my chin toe and I want to speak slowly and   I want to look so I I could have done that but  I didn't know that I because nobody taught me   that conscious awareness of the strategy and that  that strategy applies to everything yeah whether   it's driving and we get stuck in a traffic jam  whatever it is we drop a load of milk on the   floor or whatever it is what do I want to achieve  and how do I do it and then we will achieve it so   had all of that been different in my life because  a lot of people say oh well you know this is my   journey and this is how it was meant to be and it  had to be like this no there's great big chunks   of my journey that didn't have to be that if I'd  had the learning at the right time yeah that's one   thing I yeah I've probably missed out 100 with all  this learning now everything that happened over x   amount of years I could have approached everything  different it would have been so different it would   have been you you can get to where you want it  to go a lot quicker if if you do the learning and   let's set a task for the listeners if people  are feeling I had a bit of a panic then send   me a task don't do tasks if if people are finding  themselves in that that lost space at the moment   and they're just not sure how to shift out of  things what's a really simple quick task they   could do to evaluate the situation and take that  first step out of where they are well first of all   you want your mindset to be in a different place  so you're feeling rubbish rubbish mindsets creates   rubbish so what you want to do is what is your  good mindset forget what's going on around you and   the little voice inside said oh you can't think  like that over time like this forget that what is   it that makes you feel good what is it that think  of a time when you felt great and it could be when   you're full it could be when you're 20 whatever  the age is when you felt in your power because if   if you go back to a memory where you felt in your  purpose so if I say right okay James think about   an event a snapshot in time where you were feeling  absolutely on top of the world feeling great   what memory comes to mind does one come to mind  yeah just just before you step out onto stage and   telling yourself when I step on that stage  I am the guy yeah nobody can break whatever   this thing is I'm gonna come on that stage yeah  and mine brought up being a little Irish dancer   on stage and I had no fears I hadn't developed  them then had no stage nerves I had no self-doubt   and we're talking age four I really didn't know  how to Irish dance but my little four-year-old   me thought she did and I don't remember I told  you this is what so Irish dancing competitions   are called fetches and you'd have them for  age age groups and then um levels so Advanced   and beginners for example and the little  four-year-old me I must have looked cute   I was just so full of myself because I had no  fears no understanding of etiquette and how things   were I just saw stage there's a lady adjudicator  who would be in front and she had a little bell   that rang to clear people off the stage ring  bring the next one on ring get off type of thing   and the music would start whatever so this little  four-year-old me Ward go up the stairs because I   I had a right to go up the stairs Go on stage and  I would be so there'd only be like two dances on   stage and I little four-year-old mate would stand  and copy and do what the big girls were doing   and I just do my thing which in my  little four-year-old mind was Irish   dancing it absolutely wasn't it was  thinking about and the adjudicator   would ring the bell with all bow and then the  prizes and so there was always and a special medal   for me and that was at the age of four from then  somehow I learned how to self-doubt somehow I   learned I was wrong to do things like I was  wrong to want to go and step on stage wrong   to try and do things that I shouldn't be doing  outside of my my age group or my whatever so I   Le from that point so go back so listeners  go back to a point in time where you felt   really great and just reconnect with it  and just allow because that in that time   whatever it was that will be your purpose time  when we're in our purpose we're feeling great   and of course that little four-year-old on stage  I'm not an Irish dancer now so it was my purpose   then but it's not quite my purpose now my purpose  hasn't like you've mentioned before it has changed   a little bit but when we're in a bad place connect  with that because that is one thing you can do   because you're in charge of your mind you're in  charge of where your mind goes even if someone   tries to manipulate you you're still in charge of  your mind so go to a place of purpose and take a   little step what will make me feel good right now  so I know mine is to do with people helping people   physically doing things whether it's just getting  up and you know as I say go and go on to YouTube   bring up one of your videos and just lost in  London it was yeah just even doing that can just   shake off the negativity and then okay where is it  I want to go forget whether it's possible because   if somebody else has done it then it's possible  forget what age you are everything is possible   even if you even if you're old and you want to  do the splits it's like oh yeah we can't do that   well do you really want to do the splits yeah I  really really do right okay well it might take a   little bit longer than when you're 20. but our  muscles can stretch it's going to hurt but if   you really want to do it is it going to be worth  it well yeah it is for the things that really are   our purpose then it is worth the effort so  think about okay if I had a magic wand what   do I love doing what makes me what energizes  me and for some people it could be just that   with a calculator working out a problem it's  whatever it might be find out what it is that's   your responsibility yeah and then go do a bit  of it and Savannah is a good place to wrap it up   if you guys have got anything from this podcast  and it's unlocked anything anyway you've been   listening let us know start to interact with  us you can drop an email a comment wherever you   discover this the biggest thing you can do is  if you've got something from this and you feel   like someone else is gonna get something from  it please send this to them so they can have a   listen or they can have a watch of a podcast and  that's all I ask you know this is a labor labor   of love we're gonna keep going this is episode 11.  we've got bigger and better things planned for the   podcast more guests we're gonna do more episodes  with Maureen that's why we say we'll save this   for another podcast every time we say that we're  banking ideas and we're gonna come back and we're   going to keep going with them so please make  sure you press subscribe follow share it on to   whoever you think might need this and remember no  matter what you're going through life is good life   is sound thanks for Maureen for coming on this  show and we'll see you again soon stay blessed