009 | Self Sabotage w/ Maureen Fearon

hello good people and welcome back to life is  sound it's been a while since we've had our good   friend Maureen on the show I feel like I said  Maureen i'm just gonna pop off and do a couple   of episodes with some other guests and it feels  like it's been forever since you've been on like   so it's really great to have you back and today  we're going to talk about self-sabotage and why   we do it what that looks like and how we can  change it Maureen let people know what you've   been up to remind people of who you are and what  you do and then we'll get into it well you didn't   tell me that I was going to let people know what  I've been up to you'll keep keep that quiet though   um yeah I'm well am I I'm a therapist I'm a  behavioural specialist emotional specialist   teacher trainer and all sorts of different things  but the Insight the exciting thing is I've been   fostering fostering a mother cat and five babies  oh how is that going I've met them there's like a   mini Wildlife documentary oh it's hilarious hard  work but hilarious so this morning was um worming they haven't got worms but it's what you have to  do to ensure that they don't get worms yeah and so   there's this liquid that you have to squirt in the  mouth well in the mum it's like I'm not doing that   um so I mixed it in her food and kept it the real  juicy food that you really can't resist and that   was fine but the little little ones can't do that  because you can't reliably know that one of them   is eating in that food so they have to have it  squirted in their mouth oh my gosh they absolutely   did not like that and I have and it's white  liquid and so the first one is like that went   in your mouth how did you manage to spray it back  at me so I think that one which is called moza   um I think no one's gonna join the circus and  beatriceps artist or something as well because   just likes to jump and climb my legs as though  my legs are tree trunks which you know it has   been said in the Notre well I was at your house  for what about an hour a day on your birthday and   they were just causing like so much chaos in that  in that hour but to sit and watch little little   animals just be so in their own nature growing  taking everything in you could spend you could sit   there all day and like spend eight hours just like  watching observing them and they're even worse   today yeah they're even even they're exploring  even further and and mother instead of going from   my ankle and climbing up my leg is now doing a run  and jump so seize my legs runs and then from about   maybe half a foot away just jumps and clings onto  and today's all right because I've got big thick   socks under under my jeans but yesterday oh my  gosh and I'm trying to discourage because we   shouldn't be developing this behavior and fine for  climbing trees but not for climbing human legs so   I am trying to discourage the behavior but once  they get something fixed in their mind that is it   um but yesterday oh the blood earlier yeah yeah  because I'm busy doing other things it's like   okay at least I know where that one is so  I'm busy doing and then then fed them all   changed all the litter trays and there's like and  it's like no my leg feels a bit stingy oh that   feels a bit odd rolled up my jeans and there it  is this leg that has got a thousand of long cuts   and I'm allergic to cats no but watching them is it's wonderful great  meditation watching them but also great lessons   in life just watching them reminding me oh can  you ever remember being as free as a kitten and many of us probably can't how old were we  when we first started responsibility yeah whereas   watching these kittens nothing matters whatever  they want to go and do it and then they bounce   back I mean it's like I said to you means you  think how do you guys survive in the wild like if   this was really the wild a look you know domestic  Cuts aren't you know wild but there is other cuts   out there that are a little bit bigger that are in  the wild and you just watch them for a couple of   hours and you see how free they are in the world  but not understanding of the world as well it's   like how do you guys survive obviously nature is  cruel so they won't all survive but it does make   you think like you saw there's such an innocence  and a purity there but how do you survive in the   big bad world when there's not a human here  going hey I'm just gonna keep you watching   because it's mind-employing like to watch him but  but it's but it's like humans as well isn't it   so the more you learn you look after them the  more you do for them the less they know to do   for themselves and that's the same with human  beings so when we have an awful lot of parents   um do too much for their children um because  they can't let go for a variety of reasons and   sometimes they completely just continue doing  that not just through the early days when they   need that it continues so of course a little baby  will need to be spoon-fed will need but then they   develop and grow but parents still needs to  do that job and some I remember when I was   um doing the young Enterprise um initiative  with um teenagers and great kids love them   they were wonderful so these are about 15 16  year olds and remember this lad I said hey   your shoelaces undone and he looks at me  looked down at his shoelace and it was undone   so then he put his foot on the  floor in front of me and I went   what are you doing that for he said well aren't  you going to tie it okay beg you pardon he   said you're not gonna time I said time your own  shoelace he didn't even have a glint in his eye   whereas one of the other boys he would have done  it as a laugh and it's like where's the glint that   this isn't computing he said I don't know how to  I thought what do you mean you don't know how to   I said well who does your laces in the morning  he said me mum all right well you know this is   your lucky day because you're going to learn  how to start your own shoelace [Laughter]   but I just thought seriously if that's if that's  what your mum's done and here you are 15 16. and   you're not a wimp of a person and you're totally  capable of learning how to tie shoelace and I   remember I did it at the age of four so if I can  do at the age of four you could do at the age of   15. and and you thought wow what else has mum been  doing for you it's like what kind of a cat are you   gonna be so you can see it on a on a dating  app can't you um are you looking for somebody   who needs you to tie their  shoelaces together our time together I've I've grown up with my mum so my mum  was a single parent I'd see my dad a lot   of the weekends but I know throughout life  my mum really mothered me at times yeah and   in a weird way as I've got older I've really I  really appreciate that relationship a lot more   and I realize how much she does for me now when  it comes to you know the the serious things in   life how much is there as a support and a friend  and just that real Rock but definitely growing up   as a man I don't know I look back at the things  that she did you know washy and tidy and all the   things you don't even think about when you're  a kid it's just magic mom comes in and it's and   it's all done it's like if if I was sharing a  space with a no which obviously I'm not I know   how different I would be and it does make  me realize that people haven't had that in   life yeah some people don't have that you know  nurture all the way through and it I'm a very   self-reflecting person so I'll think about  has my mum done too much for me in Life or   could I have done more and I just at the same  time I think everything is supposed to be the   way it's been and I know I'm a good well-rounded  person but she definitely went easy on me if   that made sense with certain things let me get  away with a lot I was a nightmare at certain   age I think about 30 and I I just gave my mom  hell for like a couple of years in what way she can she can see like her size because I can  always remember it from I remember running up the   stairs a lot shutting my door and my mum's trying  to catch me but she never caught me I think she   might have caught me once but I'd always get my  foot behind the door and she could never get in   so I think there was a lot of difficulty there  but yeah I think it does probably change you   know how you react in the world if you've had  someone you know do a lot for you in life I   left home quite late as well so that was what 31  32 I'd left home a few times you know different   relationships ended up coming back and since then  like being in my own space it has made me think   about those things how much my mum did for me you  know throughout my life I still know friends that   still live at home now yeah and I don't think  there's any right or wrong but I definitely   wish I would have probably moved out earlier in  life just to get that bit of independence by the   same time my relationship with my mum is amazing  I couldn't ask for about a month like she's unreal   um but I do understand completely like  what you're saying like if people have   too much done for them in life you're not  really seeing the world for for what it is   um and then when you get out there on your own in  the big wide world you just start getting beat up   left right and center and it's also it's horrible  not to know how to do things it's disempowering if   you don't know how to do something when you're  expected to um so so there's that end of it as   well um but also it means that you then have  to find someone that is going to potentially   if you don't learn that is going to have to do  those jobs that your mum and dad used to do yeah   um and then that that then sets a pathway  for a particular type of relationship yeah   um but there's also the Other Extreme as well  where there's an awful lot of kids who have to   do so much so early and sometimes that works out  really really well so I I consider myself lucky   that in my world it worked out really well but  there's an awful lot of others where they had   to do an awful lot so early and they had no choice  they didn't want to and they can be bitter for the   rest of their lives especially when it's an older  child that has had to hold a big burden on the   shoulders of looking after maybe siblings whether  the parents split up or whether they're together   you know it could be two parents where the um  they're both working for example and then you   have to be doing all the household and looking and  the responsibility of looking after the smaller   ones you know often it's like right and you you  know you're the older one you make sure they don't   get into trouble yeah well that is just such a  responsibility to put on a child's shoulders for   oh can't let them get into trouble so I I had  one little brother um but my sister had four   of us that were younger so I can't imagine how  challenging that must have been for her to have   keep them all out of trouble impossible absolutely  impossible with my little brother used to um take   him home from school from primary school and there  was and he was just a young lad kind of like with   you know very few responsibilities so he was  posted me outside the school Gates and there are   a few times where he didn't turn up and no other  parents noticed me there on my own nobody seemed   to have that kind of I don't think I was invisible  and nobody seemed to oh you were what you're   waiting for Maureen oh no none of that happened  and then it's like oh well he'd only just decided   to go out the back door and go a different way but  the worry and the terror of the the possibility   that he's been abducted so that was the fear  then abducted was the big fear and then the   second fear was being knocked down and I was like  and then the joy and the relief of just seeing him   everything just dissolved and then wouldn't even  dare tell my mom because I'd have got into trouble   for him going AWOL so for some older children  who've got the responsibility of that times two   times three times four that can not always but  that can stay with them and unless it's resolved   that bitterness can last through the whole lives  and but also it can be the right okay because   I've got to be in control I've got to be bossy  because if I'm not bossy then this all doesn't   get done so you do that you do that you do that  you do that you do that it's the way that they   have the behavior that they have to display to be  able to get jobs done whatever those jobs might be   and so then it's hard to shake off those habits  and then you might find in a relationship a bossy   do this do that dude I was well just do it and  it can create antagonism in in relationships   so it's how hard is it to be human well our last  guest Jamie Lou spoke about this and you know her   childhood grew up around addiction and obviously  what she's working through now as as an adult uh   thing she's just under the 30s what works  she's having to do you know she's someone   who's self-aware right this is what's coming  up this is what I'm gonna have to clear now   if people don't know that type of stuff or what  work they can do to clear through those things   that people go through um you know me I know  my mom's my mom and dad's divorced from being   three I never really thought it affected me  as I'm getting older I think about it a lot   and moments I remember from times in my  life I've got a Clear Vision of my mum   and dad arguing at the door and my mum kick  him my dad out my mum said that didn't happen   so ever I've created that but I remember some  commotion I was playing with a Lego set and   there was commotion at the door whatever image  I've attached to that whether it's real or not   I remember that experience so there's things  that happened to us at that age that we you   know starts to come up as as we in our adulthood  and someone like myself Someone Like You someone   like Jamie will think about these things and how  we can shift it if you're not aware of that then   things like self-sabotage start  to come into into play and   and these are the silent saboteurs that people are  not aware of and what would I know you you know   you deal with a lot of people on a daily basis  throughout the year you'll probably have a great   data set of similarities of you know things that  you see people struggling with or not changing and   what would you say self-sabotage is in your  world when you see people coming to you with   an issue you saying hey maybe you could  do this and they might go oh yeah amazing   but you just don't do it yeah or they'll do a  little bit or they'll put after tomorrow and if   these little things are is you know self-sabotage  we're stopping ourselves walking the path that we   know is the best for us what would you say self  sabotage is in your world it's a wide-bearing   um demon really a lot of people I would  say that we're in a place of coping culture   so we just having to get into coping just to  get on with life on a day-to-day basis so for   example I might have somebody that comes to  me that might be in dire emotions whatever   they may be heartbroken lost frustrated anger  whatever fear whatever and we get great results   and often it's okay great  results in maybe one session   and there's always more to be done to really  finish that job but because they're feeling   so great that'll do oh no it's fine it's fine so  they're going into the coping Zone where it's like   no everything's fine everything's so much better  than it was yesterday or last week so they're   in coping coping with live but what's under that  little surface that surface can be quite fragile   and it's what's under that surface that can  then at a point always looking for an opening   and as soon as there's a tiny opening and that can  be that we're tired or the frustration whatever   it might be fear whatever or even just watching  something on television that can trigger our minds   and it's finding the Gap and it's like the okey  Cokey it's like all the demons want to rush out of   that Gap to just sabotage and we're talking what  do we mean by sabotage we're meaning anything from   not eating our best not going for the the  right job not speaking up for ourselves   not being able to stop people being toxic  not being able to escape a relationship   that is samajang or it's just kind of like the  wrong Behavior so that as well as goals in life   as well as addictions as well as getting ourselves  in trouble and getting ourselves out of trouble   it covers and we are all responsible because we  are ourselves we are our own machine that creates   it all so it's a it's a complex business  and most people are not even interested   because they don't they just want to feel good now  I just want to stop feeling bad and feel good oh   but Equity no no I'm not interested I want to move  on that is our culture our culture isn't wisely   unraveling all the stuff that's in and we've  all got issues because we're human it's how we   develop it's how a lot of people are ashamed to  have issues because I know it's just being human   and I often say dear sneeze when you've got a cold  I'm like well yeah it's like well when you sneeze   we all do it and it's not comes out sorry too not comes out and imagine that's just emotion  we've all got the potential when the circumstance   is right for this to happen so what we want to  do is clear up the mess and then keep ourselves   as healthy as possible and do whatever we can to  stop it happening again in a healthy way it's not   about control it's just about having choice and  being in our best freest healthiest happy self   that is a real weird concept very alien to  most people because a little Saboteur may be   inside saying that's not possible you don't  deserve to be happy you don't deserve to win   or a lot of people for example in careers  with their goals oh you'd be no good at that   now do you remember last time when when you  were five and you failed and it felt so bad   yeah give up now because otherwise you're gonna  feel that again it's as though we've got these   little Demons Inside So it's like I want this is  my goal and this is what I want to do but inside   is like now we're not going to do that because  there's a risk of failure and you remember when it   really hurt last time well we're not going there  again well the reality is when we heard last time   we recovered and so we're safer and stronger if  that's the right word I don't believe it is the   right word but stronger in sense of more resilient  um than than ever because every day we're getting   wiser and more resilient but the Little Voices  Inside might be saying oh and when sometimes   we're deaf to those voices we don't even know that  they're there until we start exploring and shift   them out and so we we all might have and it can  be just from one flippant statement that somebody   said to us back in our past that struck a chord  and then got buried and cemented in our psyche   you know whatever it might be independent  on who brought us up who were exposed to in   those early days we might have an awful lot in  there so I I've achieved so much more in my life   um it was never possible because I was told that  you know even I think I mentioned before my mom   was called Maureen so I was a little one the  insignificant one and so it's like oh always   looking up to it's like oh um and so I always kind  of like have that so to have achieved what I've   achieved so far which is you know nothing Grand  really but in my little world it's a lot so it's   useful for us to be educated but why aren't we  educated why are we not educated in understanding what are saboteurs might be doing well the  strange thing about it is a lot of us know   the thing that we should be doing and it has to be  driven by the subconscious programming that we've   had throughout our life which is just the way  we've always done things or all that's a bit too   new to what who I am or what I'm about so someone  like yourself you can go look this is proven to   work you know I get results with this thing okay  sounds amazing sign me up so someone will come   along and speak to you and have an amazing hour  or two hours three hours however long they speak   to you they'll go away now when it's time to  do that thing in their own world on their own   that subconscious programming that they've always  known can always just win that little battle Yeah   it's like come on you know you can do this because  this is the best thing for the path of your life   but you've never done that that's alien it's  safer over here so it has to be about keeping   yourself in a safe space the thing you've  always known the the Comfort even though   those Comforts around you might not be  serving you well you know like you said   bad food drink drugs bad friends whatever it  is you don't move past that because there's a   security in the thing that you've always known  the hard part is to walk that New Path yeah   and see what that works like and when you do that  we're rewiring our brains in a complete new way so   it is heartbreaking and you'll see you'll see this  all the time and we you know we speak about this   a lot we see it in our own lives we see in people  around us people are saying you know come to see   my friend Maureen like trust me she'll sort  you out like pretty quick you don't need to   go through all this stuff that you're going  through just boom it'll be you know cleared   we speak about this a lot and it is heartbreaking  when you know these things will rarely help and   what can people do to start to change that program  in the subconscious not the conscious mind the   thing that we go oh I'm [ __ ] Chris oh God I need  a drink of water not that it's it's the thing that   when you get into your car and you turn your  ignition on and you go into the supermarket is   that thing that gets you there without consciously  thinking about where the supermarket is how do we   tap into that how do we change our programming  to be better when self-sabotage arises that it's   it can be very complex for people and people are  not interested most people are not interested in   learning and so what we have to do is to to learn  and there's also so bearing in mind that most   people do not want to go into the understanding  of how it all works they just want the results   so it's like I don't want to know all of that just  just give me what I want yeah you know and that is   that is the culture of our society if I think  back to um like my mum and Dad's generation my   grandparents generation they had great pride in  steadily learning how to do something properly   no no just tell me what to do or just do  it for me I'll be fine no I'll teach you   no no you just do it no that's where we're at  now it's even worse now as well yeah because   attention span is just shortening and short  and because social media boom information   everything coming out your sort of thinking  fast yeah we don't want the process oh I want   to be good at piano how do I do that I want it  tomorrow yeah it's going to be great tomorrow   I want to be like Elton John like how long will  that take probably about 12 years oh right okay that's where we're at and it's clear to see across  the board like you said but it's so disempowering   because it's because when you learn a competence  that feeling competent is great whether that's   changing a plug or what do you know how to  change a plug yeah I do oh there's a hesitation   in this day you'll be like right I know it but  let me just have this YouTube video on the side and also we're not even supposed to and allowed  to really I think there's a legislation that says   oh no I'm not sure whether it's changing a plug  but lots of electrical things in the house so if   listeners If You Don't Go Changing plugs go and  check whether it's safe to do so you might have   to get this podcast did not tell you to change any  plugs no if this podcast is saying go and look at   the rules of life and keep yourself legally safe  but when I was a child my mum used to change plugs   and I used copier and it's just like what are you  doing what are you doing watching and because we   wanted to learn yeah and remember do you know what  the fuses yeah in the olden days um if you didn't   have a fuse cigarettes had um metal foil that  kept them so often that metal foil in cigarettes   I don't know what cigarettes look like now I've  never smoked but I know what my mum and Dad's   cigarette packets were all about so that that  very fine that often got put in as a replacement see people just wouldn't know that today well yeah  and you just don't absolutely wouldn't ever want   to do that and but that's the kind of things  it did but we were really Keen to learn but   not as Keen as they were in those days because  learning and becoming competent was your escape   from drudgery it meant you could get a better job  you know there's an awful lot of one of the things   I've noticed hugely in in the differences over the  decades is I know this is quite stereotypical but   guys we're brilliant engineering wise so kind  of like it was any guy would know if the fan   belt in your car they'd know what to do yeah yeah  they just know what to do um they'd know what to   do if the boiler stopped working they'd have a  clue of oh try this this and this whereas today   that's disappeared yeah wouldn't even know how  to have a have a go and so all of these learning   competencies whilst yeah of course we've still  got education clearly we must learn something   but there's an awful lot that we're not learning  and it's disempowering so me being a single female   having to learn the stuff that I've had to  learn to do at first it was incredibly scary   and if things broke one of my saboteurs was I  can't fix it so there was a belief in my system   that if I can't fix it then I and I just used  to have emotional breakdown um quite literally   I remember um when I had a puncture it was  like I don't know I couldn't get the nuts off   to try and change the wheel and I didn't I I  knew that you'd put a jacket underneath and   you'd Jack it up and whatever and it's like  right okay I think I'll be able to do that   um but I didn't know at that point that you're  supposed to put a single point you don't just   put it anywhere on the car but I didn't know  that was just you know what you see you copying   what you do but I remember being absolutely so  upset that I couldn't fix it myself I felt so   pathetic I felt so useless and alone and  Abandoned and it was awful absolutely awful   and then using the EFT techniques tapping  techniques so luckily it was in a time when   I knew about EFT so I tap so half an hour's  worth of tapping totally shifted all of those   and then was perfectly fine one of the things  that was difficult for me to ask for help   so to even ask somebody to help me with with  the engine of my car has fallen out and I can't   fix it asking a mechanic can you come and have a  look at that would have been real trauma for me   whereas now tapped it all out and it's like I  can ask anybody for help and the difference was   I could ask anybody for help for anybody else but  when it came to asking for help from myself that   was a different ball game that was a traumatic  ball game and so and I was great at asking for   help for other other situation work for example  there was no issue whatsoever if there was help   needed the goal of a performance in work doing  whatever it is I was doing that was fine could   ask towards getting whatever no hesitation at all  but then that difference that makes a difference   asking for something that is absolutely for me  literally traumatic people couldn't understand   the tears I remember there was one guy um  an old friend of mine and I just burst out   crying what are you crying for all right because  I've had to ask for help it went are you serious   something wrong with you why why would you  why would you feel like this asking me it's   no big deal you know again just I didn't have the  strength to it and do certain screws and nuts and   whatever and it's like may I think you're a bit  mad why would he cry why would you get so upset   because you just can't do you're not meant to  you know I'm a gas engineer you know meant to   know what I know and it was just like yeah no but  it's not about logic it isn't about common sense   it's about our emotional system and how that's all  wired and so we have those saboteurs and saboteurs   if we keep it simple for people is maybe our  belief systems yeah and a lot of those are hidden   and so when we're coming up to um New Year and  we're looking at people okay I'm gonna do this   I'm gonna do that I'm gonna do the other and as  we probably never may do another session on this   um towards the end of January we have the peak   pick week of depression because people  are feeling such a failure because   they have failed in their New Year's resolutions  yeah but we haven't taught people how to set goals   properly and in the workplace a lot of people  might work out how to do it but then that's just   the compartment of work they don't often spill  that out into what is it I want to achieve in   my life what my life goals what is it I truly  want to do and that is like two voids that need   a bridge for us to know that okay I can do it  over there so I can what is it that's stopping   me doing it over here and it is some emotional  programming that just needs shifting yeah and it   can be as simple as that and that's that's one  of the most rewarding bits of my working with   people or even in a group um where they can it can  happen as an aha moment where the the mind let's   take coffee all right oh that was a great song oh  you just want me to sing don't you I was a tune oh that takes me back to the days I used to work  for um exchange and Mart um selling advertising   space over the phone and um one of the ladies  that came into to be one of their supervisors   her husband um was insecurity and oh I can't  remember oh you'll come back to me I think   they're called Apes his security company  was called apes and he was the security   um for Nick Kershaw I don't realize you got to  be kidding our heart is in the AHA time and so   have you well you might not have heard of this  have you heard of Live Aid yeah yeah okay he   was one of the stars on there okay and so yeah  so you just your aha moment just made me go aha   I remember Nick Kershaw saying what I can't  even remember but anyway so there you go so   where were we I love how we go on that do you  know it is a sign of Genius anybody out there   if you find that when you're with people when you  with like-minded people and often visual people   creative people can cover a thousand topics and  don't finish one and continually go off track   I like to say that's a sign of genius that's uh  what most of our phone calls are like I was gonna   call Maureen for a quick five minute chat and I  think rarely we ever finish under an hour I know   I blame you because it's I've been listening  to your podcast which are brilliant I love them   all and all of them are longer than I'm sure you  planned so I think you're the common denominator I   think we're both both uh bad when we're together  but we just fuel each other but is it bad or is   it good I think it's good I think it's good  if you get a lot of conversation and I think   life is so busy especially as you get older  cramming everything into the day that they   just fly by and sometimes you have to go right  do I have time to call Maureen but then it's   actually like yeah I do so we have that chat and  it's a weird thing that you see the hours at the   end and you feel guilty for having a conversation  that is like well I should make a note of it yeah   because that shows me that yeah but it's like  a guilt when you see you know one hour and 30   minutes how have you been speaking for that long  but then you the realization is yeah well that's   a great person in your life and you get a lot  from these conversations and I like to think   you do too uh no I I just get off the phone  go oh my God oh my God he's just been trying   for another hour and he didn't even ask me what  it was he phoned me for I'm gonna have to phone   him in the morning did you call me for a reason  yesterday yeah but if you notice I don't phone   you back and say what was it your phone for  I'll send a text what was it your phone for   do we call it we've always done I love a voice  note voice the closest people I voice no and   the people that voice note me back I kid you  not if I get a 10 minute voice note I go yes   yes because when I'm free and I've got time to  press play I fully enjoy like just tidying up   and listening to a voice note of someone that I  know speaking to me about something it's like a   little mini podcast but going back to what we  were speaking about when you're talking about   goal setting so it's something I've seen in my job  over the past couple of years where work was just   piling up it's just me and my job bro people might  know no I don't even know if I've spoken about   this but I'm a music producer so I produce music  for TV campaigns and online campaigns and within   the business that I work for it's just me that  does that role so when the work comes it's like   everything on me nice to spin plates left  right and center and there's only me doing it   when I started this role pretty much the  same time lockdown started early 2020   started to realize the importance of goal setting  on a daily basis so I just have a you know piece   of paper today's to-do list say there's 10 things  on there I might not complete those 10 things   but I know it's as I was taking these things  off there's an internal reward system that when   you look back on that the day after you might  go right I didn't manage to do three things   today so that'll go on the next day's list  and as you tick that it's kind of like that   in a child that when you got that little gold star  when you were a kid and you felt like you were   achieved something when you see something on paper  in front of you and you can actually process the   thing that you've done rather than keeping it all  up here I've got 10 things to do today you might   only do three you got seven now overwhelming  you for tomorrow so I started to realize the   importance of goal setting just in to-do lists  I know it's a really simple thing I'm not giving   anyone you know some super insightful information  we're like oh my god of course I never thought   of that to-do list but I started to realize  that the reward in seeing a tick next to those   items on the list that I had to do then I started  to realize that right if I'm doing that for work why can't I do it for my own life how do I start  to take that little mini program and apply it to   the Grand scale and when I started to do that I  saw my my life shift in a different direction now   I'm not a an amazing practicer of this I know I  want I need to get better and really solidified   you know next year bigger goals stronger  goals and I came across something recently   a guy called Patrick bit David great guy  pretty sure he's studied NLP as well great   communicate caterer and he said if you've not  got one goal that people laugh at you're not   dreaming big enough and that really hit home  for me because I think goals now for me are   about you know the day day to day to do less  but right let's expand that out to life what do   I want to achieve next year what do I want to  level up from the things I've done previously   right are those achievable yeah is it going to  take a lot of work yeah a lot of focus a lot of   dedication but what's one thing that I think is  so out there that's going to be so difficult but   also possible but if you tell that's people  you're a crazy person you're never going to   do that you know the people that instantly  doubt or tell you you can't do something   that's what I want to do next year get that really  big goal that just seems crazy get the rest that   I know I can hit with really hard work and start  to see it like the to-do lists yeah on the daily   basis because that to-do list on a daily basis can  be a really tough day but there's nothing that you   go I can't do that that's not achievable it's like  I need to do this if I can't do it today I'm going   to do it tomorrow so how do we take the mindset of  the small day-to-day to-do list and start to apply   it to life so we're changing up because it's all  changing programs it's getting into that gear of   dedication and just being a bit more responsible  in the direction of your own action and taking   action towards the goals now we're in we're in  a season where a lot of people so so if I ask   you five things that you connect to this season  okay that not to do with a Christmas presents okay   five things so what do you what do individuals do  five things hibernate and what does hibernate mean   power down relax rest so in terms of action what  does it mean what are you doing nothing yeah we got there we got there yeah no no that's  that's nothing okay so we are actually in   the season of doing nothing okay do people  over this period of time stay in bed longer   yeah I mean personal experience  yeah as much as possible how come   because that's what we see As relaxing  and doing nothing and what else is it for me it just start taking time   regenerating yeah and what else is it  well why are you allowed to do it now because you assume it's the holidays time to  do no work yeah and so we're told and taught   when it comes to holidays it's no work do you  remember being in school and if there was a   teacher that didn't turn up and you got free or  you could go out and play or you could go home   early for 10 minutes or whatever or you could just  do nothing how fabulous that was do you remember   so it's like no matter what class it was well  actually maybe my world PE had been I'd have cried   because I loved pee but it's like oh great we're  getting to do nothing and we celebrated doing   nothing we didn't need to not be doing things  because you know as young people were got loads   and loads of energy and so we learn at an early  age and sometimes people that this resting this   doing nothing staying in bed being on the sofa  sofa time Etc feels so good and so we get into   the habit of doing it and as we know habits stick  and then it can be difficult coming out of habits   but what also is thinking back in time When  We Were Young when did we rest and do nothing   just when you were sick yeah and when we  were sick what kind of attention did we get I love and yeah nature yeah oh you were lucky yeah  I got a slap no no so so often we get attention   and we get looked after and it feels good it  just feels so good to know and reassuring and   and so so there can be a saboteur that's linked  to those experiences When We Were Young because   when we're when we're young and we're we're in  house won't want to get out and play like the   kittens want to just want to play but there  are a lot of people that sometimes when I'm   poorly that's the only time that I feel loved  that's the only time that I felt that Mum cared   or dad cared or or even that people that left me  alone so some people well the only time I got left   alone and didn't have my head packed was when  I was Ill so some people will actually create   illness yeah you know we've got this system we've  got an amazing sophisticated system that creates   illness as well and sometimes that can be for a  reason you know it's like well well no there's   germs in the air well how come germs in the  air will attack you and they don't attack me   I don't know it's because we're all uniquely  made and so when we're looking at saboteurs we   want to recognize resting we want to make sure  we don't get addicted to it yeah so a lot of   people through this let's call it a two-week  season from Christmas through to New Year   just wanna do nothing and it's like how come  it's like we really don't know so listeners   out there if you just love doing nothing  fine for an hour or so outside of that   why do we want more and often it's because well  I deserve it I've worked hard I've worked hard   so I can deserve a rest so with me I worked  hard therefore I can go and have some play   I'd much prefer to play than to rest yeah because  you get more you just have more life experiences   so even those little um beliefs that have been  set in our system back in early days right okay   it comes to Christmas we all sit on the sofa we  sit on the sofa what else do we do at Christmas um and again that is conditioned into US trained  into as an early age at Christmas time we rest   we do nothing and we eat until we actually  feel as if we have to walk with our chin up   because we're so full painfully for well that  can't be good on our digestive system as well   as so it's like overloading the factory it's  like oh my gosh it's overwhelming them but not   just that putting into the factory what's not  good yeah and and it's like why do we do that   and and what often happens those that remain  healthy who go actually no it's okay I don't   want another mint I remember once mince pies  I was a golfing event and at the end of it was   mince pies being passed around it's like no thank  you I don't want one what she doesn't want them   into pie what's that she's not having a mince pie  she's not having a men's fine not having a mince   pie I went around about 30 people the fact that  I wasn't going to have a mince pie and then this   chap said can I have it it's like please do you  saw the opportunity I went through but but yeah   and and this is what we have if you're not like  us you must be you must be wrong if you don't do   what we do you're weird alien whatever and so we  learn at an early age to do all of these things   and people who do the healthy things the thing  that's good for them we can often be critical   I don't mean me and you I mean the human race it  can be critical of somebody and I totally admire   those people who it's like oh yeah you think  you're gonna do that all right we'll wait and see   um and I totally admire how they then take little  steps or big steps big leaps they might take a   big leap and fall flat on the face and it's like  oh bless you but you tried but others are like   oh well see you you couldn't do it and and it's  so sad that that is our culture in the main yeah   as opposed to and it's like how can't how come we  can't Embrace how can how come we can't copy what   others do you know we we see often we see people  in in big success and think oh it's easy for them   well for the majority of them it probably hasn't  been you know there are some people who do get   it easy you know things happen get passed through  you know wealthy families Etc you know there are   lots of people out there with great wealth where  their offsprings can just enjoy that wealth and   never have to work a day in their life and  don't have to learn too much really in life   but that's not very fulfilling some of the  the things that we've learned and learned   to do are the most like you said before most  fulfilling and rewarding so we want to recognize   what is our good thinking  and what is our bad thinking   so what how much resting are we doing and how come  because time disappears and we can get addicted   to resting yeah and I know I've fallen for all of  it it's like I'm staying I'd like to get up early   I was like oh but I deserve to stay in bed  because it's it's midday often I've worked   so hard and behind because I'm aware  of it I'll go whoa hang on a minute   am I going to be sleeping yes or no does my body  need more sleep no well get up yeah so so I'll   actually get up or it's like oh it's so warm and  comfy I might go and get myself cup of tea and   get my laptop out and you know just sit in bed  for a little bit and then it's like no I want to   get up because we can get addicted to resting and  when we rest more than we need that can fatigue us   100 yeah it can fatigue us but it also makes our  bones and muscles not feel good not work well   getting out and exercising and exercising from  head to toe is wonderful but we get addicted and   can feel good doing nothing then when we come to  move we're a little bit like the Tin Man in the   Wizard of Oz it's like oh I need oil for all my  joints and things don't work so well so the key   is to get addicted to action get addicted to doing  things get addicted to doing lists you know a book   I don't know if you've ever read it something  about eating the Frog no I have it I I know you   don't read so I won't give it on myself that's a  goal that's a goal I went away um a few days ago   for two nights in a in a hot in a field no phone  signal no plugs for your laptop no electronics   nothing and I actually got through a third of a  book well and it's there's a box in the other room   yeah the thick book I was so proud of myself this  is what I need to do more of because I consume a   lot of information via audio Yeah and podcasts  and watching you know people like yourself   professionals that know this stuff and I consume  that way but I need to get back into the age-old   art of text and you know in the brain take that  in and having that time I think my biggest thing   is time yeah I I see it as a not a waste of time  but I really struggle to sit there and be with   a book for hours obviously in a hot in the middle  of nowhere I had time to do that yeah and I really   enjoyed it and I realized that reading inspired  writing so I started writing pretty much straight   away so even though I was doing it on the phone  because I didn't have a pen and paper but that's   what I realized quite quickly oh me doing that  equals me getting this yeah so it's changing that   mindset and setting a new goal and I think how I  operate now I really wish I had this mindset when   I was mid-20s early 20s because what I've noticed  in this period of holidays where there's no work   if you remember a few weeks ago I said morning I  can't wait to just switch off do nothing I'm doing   no work I'm making no music I'm not recording  any podcasts I'm not doing anything until the new   year that was the mindset I realized over the past  couple of days when I got back from the two-night   break I don't enjoy doing nothing anymore yeah so  you know I might turn my Xbox on play that for an   hour but it doesn't give me what I used to get  from it I want to go and make music but I also   want a break from it but I can feel myself wanting  to go and do it we're doing this podcast today and   I was looking forward to it I'm like I told myself  I wasn't gonna do a podcast in the break I'm like   are you are you doing it you enjoy doing it so  allow yourself to do it and it's that programming   it's all this learning in this time period you do  nothing and I started to realize to be successful   and create the life that you want it's not about  sitting and resting and doing nothing it's about   doing that when you need to do it you know when  you feel the burnout which we know is very real   when you feel that creeping and you're like right  system overload I need to you know go to sleep or   chill for a bit when you feel that need and want  to rest listen to your intuition and your body but   I really am a person now where I really appreciate  that when I'm resting my mind's I ever got   five ideas it wants to do and get started  or I need to do this podcast what about a   song I've not finished or about this person that  wants me to create this for them and I realized   that that's what next year for me is going to be  yeah not resting as much no because it is is the   programming from you know being a teenager and  gaming or gaming with your friends that carries   on into early 20s maybe a bit for me late 20 years  when I'd come back from being busy you know doing   music or like you know full professional stuff  you're like right this is my downtime but now what   I've realized is I start to see those things even  though I do get rest and recovery from them are   those things driving me in the direction I want to  go in life the things I want to achieve and what I   know is possible because this is where I think  we all keep ourselves in a safe space because we're unaware of our ability to change our  life and manifest the world around us and   we're scared to let go a lot of a lot of the  safety nets which can be the people you know   the job you had that relationship that's  not serving you all these alcohol drugs all   these things were scared to let go because  it's what we've known I've worked through   some of those things and I've realized as  I've moved away from attachment and I've   created Detachment my life started to shift in a  better Direction got more finances coming to me   I feel I'm growing more as a person and what I've  noticed that when these things come into alignment   it's like a Snowball Effect you start to realize  your life is going in the way that you want it to   go right okay instead of going fought off the gas  this is too quick I wonder what you're going to   say then instead of going far off the Gus this is  too quick now my mind is like right so where can   we go now if we got here yeah this was possible  from conversations we had five years ago where I'm   like Maureen you know I want to do this I want to  do that and now I feel like I'm I'm doing it even   done it to a point yeah now I'm like right okay  next level next level and instead of choosing   I just smoked spliff tonight I've not smoked for  time I'll allow myself to have a spliff see why   that's light it's like well what if you don't  know because life's going okay without that   stuff what if you don't turn your Xbox on because  life is going good without doing that so all these   things that I've told myself you need for the rest  and that's what you do to relax I just have this   glass of wine which then turns into whatever let's  go out with my friends which turns into whatever   this is not me telling anyone how you know how  to live the life I'm not judging in any way but   I'm at that place now where I'm like right   time is on times 10 and I'm sure everyone's  feeling similar that I speak to how do we take   this downtime and apply it in a positive  way whether that's you know meditation   stretching dancing things and moving your body  singing Whatever It Is writing goals down because   those are the things absolutely fuel happiness  unshift your direction that you never thought   yeah and and it creates possibility so it's like  okay I can do that but but a lot of people are   stuck in the habits and the expectations  of what they've been taught and what what   is still continuously being taught you know if we  if we think about looking at the television and I   think it's it's you I'm thinking I'm contemplating  January being a stay away from television social   media anything with a screen that isn't email or  a PowerPoint for my work because I need to do that   and just staying away and I stay away quite a  bit from mainstream television and then when I   go back to it it's like oh seriously really what  and there was this morning um on the ITV program   the factual well supposedly factual um newsy type  of morning program whatever it's called don't even   know what it's called because I don't watch it um  might even be called this morning is it I have no   idea no idea yeah but I was just watching and  going seriously really and understanding how   how subliminally influencing and manipulating when  the reporting news is supposedly independent news   is supposedly suppose supposed supposedly factual  and it's not and they interviewed a guy and the   guy that they interviewed was talking about um the  police and his guy that's worked all his life in   this place and he's retired and he was talking  from his experience which is fabulously coherent   made sense in terms of they were criticizing the  um the police um which when you criticize the   police that that word is a small word but the  amount of people underneath it is huge and the   people that watch this morning are the people that  they're connected to are the Bobbies on the beat   and so the whole thing was kind of like  criticizing but it's it shouldn't be critic   it should be criticizing the strategy of  how things are not operating and that's   management level but it wasn't it was  so geared to kind of get people to be   dissatisfied with the police not solving the  small crimes and it's not it's the hierarchy   the police that they love solving crimes they  love it you know have you ever solved a puzzle   and it's like oh that feeling is great but  I was just so gobsmacked by how blatant the   manipulation was and it was really interesting  that the guy was asked so in an interview   a person is asked a question unexpected to  answer now I know we did that podcast on   questions questions are just so powerful but  if you ask if you load up do not atomicorn   Tommy Gun is yeah right okay so if you think about  you've got a single pistol shooting one question   then you've got a Tommy gun that goes question  question question question so if you're being   interviewed and somebody asks you a question  question question whoa your mind gets blown   yeah because your mind tries to de-scramble  it all and work out well what do I answer   and normally what people answer is the last  bit because the mind hears the first question   though it's Ash is here there everywhere blah  blah blah and and if a person's not confident   then they're even more easily manipulated  because they will only hear the last bit   the rest of the mind will seem to have not  even heard the first 30 seconds or whatever   and it's a real clever trick because it's putting  out information for the audience that's listening   and watching putting out statements that get into  their subconscious and then all of that and then   the last question gets answered and so it's it's  the Tommy Gun questioning effect that subliminally   influences when it's only the final question that  gets answered and beautifully this guy who clever   and he's comfortable because he you talk to people  like this in his life and he's not phased by being   on television or you know and he just basically  said um that wasn't a question that was a lecture   and then he went and talked about what he and  I thought good on you yeah but I was so taken   aback by how blatant the subliminal influencing is  and how unreal it is so it's kind of like you're   wooden and that isn't even your question you're  just reading what somebody's told you and you're   both topics and I I just saw it as so obvious but  if people are watching it all the time it won't   be obvious to them it'll be the norm so I think I  think we are probably moving into maybe um a time   where people are going to be breaking away and  going hang on a minute I want to start thinking   for myself again yeah because it's so rewarding to  just be able to independently think and questions   listeners go and listen to that podcast again  on on the questions asking ourselves questions   is the most powerful thing we can do such as what  is it best for me to do for me right now what is   it that can can take me one step towards my goal  yeah I've got a great big list of things to do   what is it I need to do talking before about the  um the frog eating the Frog so it's a great book   um it's got a yellowy cover and a green frog  on it I don't remember the name of it but it   might be just called eat the Frog and basically  it's like a lot of the time we might have a list   of things to do and it might be work or it might  be home it's like oh I don't want to do that one   hello I'll do the easy ones first yeah and then  next day oh we still don't want to do that one   I'll do the easy ones and I can get fulfillment  doing the easy ones but the book They're saying   the big horrible ones eat that frog get it  over and done with yeah yeah because then   everything else after that is easy yeah and  when we're when and this is our our Saboteur   we'll hold ourselves back and that holding  ourselves back can affect the whole list   of things that we're trying to achieve because  we're trying to avoid that one task no grab it by   the horns and do it the thing pick up the phone  so an awful lot of people in this day and age   believe it or not are uncomfortable phoning people  especially if they're expecting that the other   person's not going to be pleasant or they're going  to be upset or you know I've got to phone you and   let you let you know that something's gone wrong  with your order or you know I can't come to dinner   or whatever it might be an awful lot of people are  scared of picking up the phone and it's like no   come on let's get back we love to communicate we  do love to communicate so let's get back into it   let's have our own thought processes being our own  let's have that independent thinking that fluidity   in the moment where we can deal with any situation  whether somebody's um upset with us or upset   with something else or not let's be resourceful  because when we're resorful it feels great so I   think that we're coming out of a time where a lot  of people not just over the Christmas time have   been in this fatigued slump and I think there's  the Awakening up and and linking frogs to frogs   you know I wish I could plan this no I could  I should maybe no I don't know so going from   eat the first frog in the morning okay talking of  frogs that old little little story how do you boil   a frog okay if if you want if you try and put it  in boiling hot water it'll either sense the Steam   and and struggle and jump away or put the toe in  it it'll jump away but if you just get it relaxed   and resting you can turn up the heat so by the  time it's boiling it can't jump out and so I think   we we've been through the last few years where  we've all been the frogs that have got comfortable   that have got so comfortable both in our mind and  physically it's not good for us being active is   good for our health our immune system so we want  to be active gets all the moving Parts working and   I think that the few years that we've had that  we've really become that that frog and we're   we're going to go not doing this anymore and when  we shake off and refresh and get us that feels   great feels great to be independent I often say  um when people have retired so often people have   this belief as well I can't wait to retire well  what are you going to do I'm going to do nothing   it's like well yeah maybe for a week I'd hit  that the prospect of doing nothing forever   couldn't cope with that but a lot of people  because of their belief is you work so hard   and then you do nothing now I've come across  an awful lot of people who whose retirement   has done that and that has really disabled them  both physically mentally you know a lot of people   a lot of people don't learn how to operate so  a lot of people as well if they're watching   television are going to be um brainwashed by the  adverts so for example you know Alzheimer's advert   um dementia adverts and telling you the one in  ten I don't know what the numbers are to be quite   honest but let's say for example it's one in ten  people are going to get Dementia or Alzheimer's   it's like well if I think of me and nine friends  they haven't got it so it must be me so then I'll   be on the lookout for any time I can't remember  something and then I'll put myself down that path   oh my gosh this is and then I'll panic and then  the more I panic the more my mind closes down   and is not able to remember things so then more  I'll be convinced that I've got this as a problem   and that can happen that if we've got more time  doing nothing we've got more time of our minds   ruminating and creating problems that don't need  to even be there and I love for example people   with memory just teaching them how to use their  eyes how to ask their mind the questions in the   right way and it's amazing how instantly their  memory improves it's like oh my gosh it's like   no I'm not a witch you're just asking yourself  the right questions and your eyes are looking   in the right place and so we want to get to  understand that one big Saboteur is doing nothing   because the more we do nothing some doing nothing  is lovely but we want to make it we want to   protect it so that it always is that lovely half  an hour an hour maybe and then okay what do they   because doing doing doing doing is is brilliant  it just energizes us it makes us interesting as   people so again in my work there's an awful lot of  people that want to meet people and have friends   and have a relationship it's like well you know  you know that whole um if you want if you want   a really great friend and there was a vitamin  that would enable it what would that vitamin be so if you want a great friend do you  want a great friend or a great partner   the vitamin is B1 no it's so true in it you  are you attract what you are like lucky your   closest people around you and that's a  reflection of well not no yes and no I   have to disagree with you then I'm ladies and  gentlemen I'm pointing my finger yes and no   because what was it you just said they say look  look at you yeah no no the people that you attract   you can be a really wonderful confident caring  smile accepting non-judgment person yes you will   come and connect with other people that are like  that but you'll also attract those that not in   your league yeah yeah or opposite like opposites  attracts like what you're lacking subconsciously   you see in someone else and vice versa and then  that's how you end up together because you you   you're seeing that thing on a subconscious  level I'm this you're that I don't have that   you don't have this and you come together and  most of the time that doesn't work sometimes   it can work but I do think when you look at like  people around you you're like five closest people   I do think that will show you the direction of  your life if you choose to stay there and that's   what I was saying before about what we were saying  about relationships people that might not be good   for you in in life yeah this is one thing I wanted  to say like we get to wake up and be whoever we   want to be but we get locked into these stories  of oh I'm James the musician the guy that makes   music what if I don't want to do that anymore  what if in 10 years time I want to do something   completely different go and raise elephants in  Thailand yeah I can do that and this is what we   don't realize that when we get locked into these  characters it's just a character you don't have   to be this person for the rest of your life and  I think that's what we get scared of and that's   what we lock ourselves into you don't have to have  that same friendship group if it's not serving you   in the best way possible you don't have to have  that job if it's not serving you in the best way   possible I know it's not easy for some people  you know to go and find work and bring money in   but we get to design this thing whilst we're here  and you know some people's lives are way more   difficult than others some people can't see how  they would change that thing to create this new   thing but there is always a way and these lives  that we seem like and feel like we're locked into   you can change that at any point but people  can't until they realize what The Saboteur is   yeah exactly that's one thing one simple label  on a big group big powerful group of saboteurs   that people have is fear yeah yeah they're the  things that stop people doing things is a fear   because something might have there might be  a consequence yeah so if say for example I've   got a belief that who do you think you are which  I heard a lot in my childhood who do you think   who does she thinks she is I heard that an awful  lot in my childhood and so therefore try things   and then the fear might be that people will look  down at me and laugh at me because I was trying   to be something that I shouldn't be and so that  that's a fear that's a fear that I may be judged   so a judgment fear of judgment is a massive want  to change because the reality is not everyone's   going to like you because that's how that's how  that's how humans are some will love you and you   will love them some will love you and you won't  like them and some just won't like you at all   it's happy it's how it is and when we can relax  with that but the fear is having a go what what   is the what's the worst that can happen it might  go right it might go wrong and if it goes wrong   what's the worst that can happen I don't learn  something but if it goes right wrong so I've had   things that have gone wrong it's like oh but goals  if not it's like well I'm glad that didn't happen   because otherwise I wouldn't have taken this path  I wouldn't have taken these steps but at the time   I was like no I want that goal it's not there and  you're always in the right place always if that   thing didn't work for you that was yeah that was  meant for you yeah to not work and it's shifting   that mindset of oh I failed at that no you didn't  you tried it did not work that didn't mean it   failed it didn't work that thing that didn't work  as you expected but that could be the thing that   gives you the building block for the next bigger  idea where you look back on reflection like you   said and got uh that's why that didn't work  because that was supposed to be the spark the   ignition for this idea which has taken me in this  direction which is more where I wanted to go or I   never even thought I'd be here and I think that's  such a big thing we we're so scared at doing   things and even something is you know simple as me  starting this podcast right where am I gonna shoot   it well I don't have anywhere to record it at the  moment at the time my back was bad so I couldn't   physically move equipment and set up and say hey  Maureen so what was your fear in that one so I   want us all to get really familiar with the fear  thing so what was your fear my fear in that is   I've done well in terms of being a musician  going into the world of like professional   musicians seeing the big lights and everything  done on a huge production scale so I know what   that feels like right I know what budget and  energy and time and team and people surrounding   that's what you need to have something huge  so we all want something to look amazing from   the off yeah we don't want something to be and  so if you don't what's the fear the fear is it   not being presented as well as I can see it in  my mind okay and if it's presented in the way   that is not as it could be in your mind what's  the fear what might what's the consequence what   might happen it's not gonna work or people  are looking at this like oh that is [ __ ]   okay so if it's not gonna work how come it's  not gonna work what's the fear behind that I suppose it would just be doing something and and  having no one listen or what children if nobody   listens or watches what's the risk for me it's  about helping people so be like oh so you can't   help people so what's the risk see what I'm doing  yeah right down so behind everything are so so   you are used to the big beautiful Productions that  take an awful lot result like operate that way so   it's like yeah you've been part of that world that  says how what what it takes and also knowing how   people will make a judgment um and how people can  be critical because people can be because that's   the nature some people and so there's a fear  of I won't be able to do my best my best job   so what what if the the so it's like it might just  be a mediocre job but what if your mediocre job is   successful and great this is the switch and also  it's like well if it's not who is going to judge   us maybe those that are very highly tuned in  terms of production and they'll be looking at   the production Factor rather than the content so  that's the sadness so they're looking at is like   yeah but that's not what's important because  what's important about your podcast is not the   beautiful background and the the great lights  or whatever what's important is the content   yeah but we can have all of these fears around all  of these things and and they can hold us back and   so there are some people that won't do anything  until luckily it's not you and I don't mean that   disrespect that's true a lot of people won't do  anything until it hits that level of perfection   and it's kind of we've lost sight of what we're  actually trying to achieve what are we trying   to achieve it's content and how does that look  you know there's been and and often people will   will drive people to focus in on the imperfections  why do you do that if you want to hide them from   he said why do people do that they do you know  it's like some people can't take a compliment   it's like oh you've got a lovely jumper on  Maureen oh no not this old thing it's got a   stain on it's like oh stain and now they're all  focused on the stain and now I feel really bad   because everybody's focused on the stage yeah  you know why do we do that because we we can't   receive a compliment how come because somewhere in  my past I've been taught that it's wrong you know   dependent on what been taught how where whatever  to be you know I was brought up a Catholic so that   there were so many mixed messages in that um to  you know if you get a compliment people say that   you look nice or whatever that means that you're  Vain and vain vanity is a sin which means you're   bad and you'll go to hell and so all of that  gets confused so it's easy it's better to reject   um and stay away from anything that might be  complementary and undo it so somebody gives me a   compliment Undo It unwrap it quickly throw it back  so that I will not end up in Hell well now we're   grown up now I know that hell may not actually  exist in the way that I was taught and so it's   safe for me to just go relax and if people take  me as I am right and if they don't oh for me I   get curious I don't get offended offended anymore  I don't feel judged anymore I get curious oh okay   so your your face can't smile like me your face is  giving me daggers I wonder what that's all about   I wonder what's going on within you that can't  just relax in this moment and sometimes it if   not all the times it's sadly about their  issues if we were all able to just relax   and just be ourselves and just totally no  matter what we say or what we do like when   we were small children it all works it's like  watching the cats jumping all over each other   and falling all over each other and one of  them walking through the water one of them   standing in the food tray whilst eating that they  are very young and eating that it's like are they   being judged or ridiculed for doing it no no  doing it and if if that was little babies in   the wild looking after themselves and they'd do  that is there any criticisms no they're just and   they'll learn how to do things better because  they'll learn it's like oh yeah I don't want   my feet to be wet or oh yeah I don't want you know  squidgy stuff between my toes um and so we want to   unravel as much as we can what holds us back when  it comes to fears we want to we want a question   gonna connect with ourselves and know when there  may be a fear so if there's something that would   be good for us to do but we're holding it back  and that can be a simple to say no to somebody   as well as okay I'm gonna go and ask somebody  for a big break or you know an opportunity   um what is it that's and get familiar with  asking a question because it's not real yeah   it's actually not real it's a magic spell that's  not there it's not real so it could be I'm scared   of picking up the phone and asking a person it's  like what am I scared of they might be rude to   me okay so if they're rude to me what is it I'm  scared of because I can always put the phone down   I just feel so bad why will you It's like because  he's like well what if you you we can and we can   learn so much and so we want to understand  that fear and then have the empowered Choice   don't want it or don't I want to do I need  to have it will it be good if it's not there   and there might be a fear that if it's not there  then you might even achieve more goals because the   thing I remember I was um princess trust mentor  and there was this wonderful girl lovely lovely   girl from very working class beginnings and um her  family culture was benefits but she had a little   child and she wanted to create a better life for  this child and so she worked in Greggs the um the   bakery and looked around and she had had a degree  she got a degree clever girl and she thought hmm   I can do this this is easy and so she decided to  set up her own sandwich business from her small   terraced house from a kitchen and because of her  um background in terms of health and safety at   home there was an awful lot for her to learn and  she went and she got a grant so she went and got   herself a little van and she knew how to make  sandwiches because they did that in in Greg's   and she made a start and she'd guess what the  hardest bit about that is because she thought   right okay I'll go to all the offices and  and tell them that I'm doing the sandwiches   and they can phone me I can make them and  then I can go and deliver them brilliant   because they'll pay more than and it's more  convenient for them to go than going to Gregg's   so that was a business plan which was a great  little plan nice and simple great little plan   and the hardest job of all of that was going to  the corporates going into the offices and selling   so for a lot of people selling is such a difficult  thing and it's one of the best things that people   can actually get to learn in life how to sell  how to sell themselves how to negotiate and how   to win an indigo how to influence people in in a  beautiful way because there's so much of it going   on we want to learn it so we can protect ourselves  as well as so that we can be a success in the   areas of our work and life where you know success  is there but what stopped her goal being real was   the culture of her family and  friends she hadn't even made a profit   and she was getting from the mood as she thinks  she is who does she think so she was getting so   she was being ridiculed she was you know they were  even you know while she was there a present would   be um talking and talking about her to each other  not including her in not a nice way and that was   enough to stop her goal because had she gone on  and become successful The Saboteur would have   had to cut The Saboteur was if you're going to be  successful you're going to have to cut cord with   all these people that are not supportive of you  in your life and that your family and your friends   and that was it she had a fear of detaching away  from relationships that hurt her yeah and and   that's it and we're often taught blood is thicker  than water well some blood is great and some blood   is poisonous and so we we are allowed to have the  choice of if it's not working for me do you know   what I'm allowed to go and and go to a place where  I can Thrive where I can feel good where I can be   appreciated where I can be just just supported and  just to you know because it's lovely to support   somebody you know somebody that you care about  we should always support you know and so that   that spoiled her goal where she is now I don't  know because it must be over 10 years ago now   but that's it and it's understanding okay  what am I fearful of I'm fearful that I'll   have to break away from my family now if we  ex okay so if you were to break away from   your family what would you actually miss  let's look at it positives and negatives   let's look at the positives that you get from  your family and let's look at the negatives   and often when you go and look at the negatives  it's like okay take yourself out of the picture   your child and she did have a child but we  can do this for any child that we care about   if they were in that situation what would be  the best thing for their healthiest happiest   most fulfilling future what is it that they  should do and sometimes when we go to that   outside perspective and look down we can  see sometimes what we don't like to see   which is the best things that we can do for  ourselves yeah so it's it's it's fabulously   complex but what we want to be able to do is ask  ourselves a question what's stopping me what's   stopping me what is it I'm scared of if that  happens what's the consequence what's the risk   and that's what we want that's what we we want to  be getting really skillful at doing and the more   we do that the more we're going to achieve and  the more we'll we'll we achieve the better it is   and we've also got as well people that become  incredibly successful so I've had people over   the years who have been for example in business  incredibly successful and then they sabotage it   completely they ruin it they spoil it so in  business it can get you know very financially   successful then all of a sudden they'll just make  the biggest wrongest decisions that make them go   bankrupt or forces them to close and that goes  back what in my experience of working with people   that goes back to sometimes and this wide variety  of things that could it could be like you can't   be more successful than your sibling because that  would be wrong because everyone should be equal   and it's like well when we were children  everything's fair and equal well it often isn't   but fair and equal and so when when you're coming  um an adult if you're still applying that rule you   might sabotage because you can't Step Ahead yeah  so there's loads of reasons why people do and   people need to understand themselves and that's  what we're not very good at generally speaking   getting to know ourselves and ask ourselves the  right questions so it's not just on the side of   self-sabotage trying to be successful it can work  on the other side where you are really successful   and yourself sabotage I think the biggest  thing that I took from what you just said was   making a stop and I can only apply this  to this thing we're doing now because it's   something I start we've started recently and  continued with it's not been an easy Journey   to record juggle life edit release the podcast do  another one in two weeks have long conversations   with various people and keep that train moving  yeah it's been quite testing at times where   you've got life coming at you and work coming  at you and you know you're juggling other things   and there's definitely been that voice that  goes just do one season and be done just do   10 episodes and be done you've not got time for  this and I I hear it I might be in the shower   I might be just finished editing a podcast I might  just uploaded one being like ah not recorded the   next one yet need to get it done and that voice  goes Jay just do one season whoa and I go ah okay   that's the challenge that's the Comfort Mr Comfort  say hi Mr Comfort Mr Comfort Zone the conversation   and I realized that if we can use that voice as  the Challenger oh so you think I can't do this   thing but on the other the other side of it is the  feedback that I'm getting and this is why I would   urge people to start the thing you've wanted to  do yeah because sometimes when we do the thing and   then get out of our own way it's when people like  yourself which will give me honest feedback I've   had other people who are friends other people  Beyond friends say you know from our episodes   this is like the first time I've had actual  therapy okay so this I'm doing the right thing   then yeah but feedback from other people you know  you're inspiring me to start a podcasting Journey   myself you inspiring me to do this and then  I realized it's it's just those little things   that make you realize that it's about starting  and if I would have said filming a podcast from   pretty much my living room that's rubbish on a  phone with two lights that's not what I want to   do but I realized that yeah but what if you  look back on that thing in five years time   and go oh I started that podcast in my living  room just me and Maureen first few episodes you can't let yourself talk yourself out of  something you've not even tried you are the   main character nobody say you can't but people  do people do so we want to avoid yeah we want   to avoid talking ourselves out of things we want  to avoid and and question the voice what you said   about other people then other people's input  which might not be positive for you does he   think he is a podcast or not okay let's see how  that goes but I know the work I've done in my   life I know the knowledge I've accumulated  I know people like yourself I know really   interesting people with great life experiences  and stories let's just bring them together have   a conversation try and level up the world a little  bit because I know a lot of interesting people and   they've got great knowledge so let's see what we  can do with that but if I had a lot of negative   people around me or you listen a lot of that's  illusion fear is illusion it's stuff we tell   ourselves it doesn't even exist yeah but we're  the main characters nobody else exists in your   life if you're not here nobody's here if you go  everyone goes we're the production directors yeah   we're we're you know we we're everything in this  thing so you can listen to influence and negative   or positive but I just think get started and when  that doubt creeps up see it as a challenge because   it's easy to start something and stop something  yeah it's a lot harder to start something and   keep it going yeah and until it becomes easy until  it until it's really you do become really easy and   that's the thing you know it's like people wanting  to have confidence you know listeners have a think   about your confidence right now measure it not tan  not not at all 10 couldn't be better we want it   to be up there 10 couldn't be better and if it's  not there have that as your new goal I am going   to go and get great confidence and then listen to  any inner chatter it's like oh if I did that it's   like oh go and analyze what your mind's doing oh  if I did get that what would happen happen What   would I be scared of what would be the big fear if  I had loads of confidence and a lot of people for   example think they're going to be obnoxious  they're going to change into a monster that   people won't like and it's not the truth at all  and so we want we want to get really comfortable   with being ourselves unravel all the stuff from  the past yeah that's wired us and we don't need   it we can just totally look at rewiring and if the  old ways you'll get you'll enjoy the new ways but   if you don't like them you can always go back to  your old habits that destroy your life [Laughter]   because it's true because you can do that but  you won't want to because when you when you're   empowered when you've got Choice when you can look  at possibility both within yourself and within   your world then you'll create Magic yep so true  and and that is that is the magic of life isn't it   yeah you know we are an incredible sophisticated  being we want to learn how to get the best out of   it we are the Alchemists we can create something  out of nothing and I feel like a lot of us   feel like we don't have that magic within us  you are by design a creative you were put here   to create build grow nurture things even if it's  food from the earth or whatever or tools out of   Earth's resources we're here to be creators so  if we were sat looking at you know a tree going   could I use that on this fire for fuel imagine  talking yourself out of that yes I don't expect   trainer that's a big truth now what about the  branches oh no the tap two eye up how would   I fall ever have evolved exactly look at where  we're at and it's allowing that it's like these   voices see them as a a servant of challenge yeah  rather than a an understand how we have been so   influenced so you know I think I don't know who  sent it to me there was a little video might have   been a tick tocky type thing um of fleas in  a jar have you seen that yeah I've seen this   yeah so so the fleas it's like oh I put them  in the jar and they all want to jump out they   all want to jump out but then you put a lid on  them and then they give up they give up jumping   then when you take the lid off they're completely  lost the understanding and the desire to jump out   so we want to recognize that we want to reignite  are jumping muscles so that we can actually get   to where we want we want to get into our what  is that what is freedom to us what is freedom   and how do I become my best self and my happier  self what is it that's going to make the happiest   I've noticed this year Christmas time first  ever how many people are so not gift oriented   not interested not bothered I've noticed eyes were  you I've never known it like this before and I've   even had friends um some friends who who want  one lady who's so special to me and she said I'm   so sorry I've not sent you a card and I text back  saying I'm glad you haven't because postal workers   are on strike it when I got here you'd have wasted  your money because there's nothing worse than   sending and then it's arriving late and yeah and  whatever so it's like no I'm proudly and I think   we should um create a let's let's use in just very  much as we put up remember the person that sent   it to us last year but there's so many people that  just because we've got we've got more than we need   it's so true we've got so much more and things  just don't have the same excitement I mean maybe   gifts around Christmas time are actually designed  for the children because you know my friends and   people that I care about I can tell them that I  care about them that the value that I love them   yeah I can doesn't have to be done with a candle  very true and I thought the other day when I was   rummaging through this covered getting like  Christmas paper out from last year and just   getting all the bits you need for Christmas out  of that place that goes there for the rest of   the year and don't even look at it it's I just  had a father so what if everyone just didn't do   Christmas presents this year I bet you could solve  like world hunger yeah if everyone just donated   what you'd spend for your Christmas presents  I know that's a good idea idealistic view but   that's I'm sure it would be billions and I know  these billions out there billionaires are going   to end world hunger but I thought it's just nuts  what we do every year I know and and most of it   goes to landfill yeah but I suppose that's the  the nature but if you imagine okay so imagine   okay so right James imagine you're 10 years  earlier and it's like okay you're not gonna buy   any presents and the money that you would normally  spend on presents let's call it 400 pounds that   400 pound you're gonna give to help world  hunger or even help I'm very in tune now with   um abandoned animals you're gonna give that  it's like what the chaos that would go around   in a lot of people's minds if you knew everyone  was doing it though like it was an agreed thing   yeah but then it's a fashion we don't want to  follow a fashion we want to do it for truth   yeah yeah we want to do it but if everyone did  it at the same time with that genuine content   like how much we could actually change the world  and how we could just celebrate it and just but   we you know there's a long way before we go yeah  yeah there's there's an awful lot of complications   when it comes to that because it's like well  who's going to manage that money so straight   away Minds who's going to manage that much knowing  knowing you can like some of the things that go on   um kind of like you can be trusted with that  it's like um but yeah you can I would do it   at a local level yeah but um yeah it is but  I've noticed it this year that so many people   have just been not materialistic at all I think it  goes back to what you said people are now going to   be breaking away from things that have you know  how to hold over them for so long Traditions that   have been there which we can see Traditions are  crumbling away in society but also the way we are   programmed in society I believe next year we are  going to have a super powerful year in terms of   a lot of people waking up a lot of people going  through spiritual Transformations however that   looks in your journey people are going to start  having realizations and we're all just slowly   going to be doing this and while we're doing this  everything that we've experienced in the world   over the past few years is going to start trying  to bring us back down because we're in a we're in   a place of evolution look at this it's a podcast  yeah this medium here allows two humans we're not   famous we're not celebrities but we're here in  the world and we're somebody we're people we're   famous for someone we've we know people we've got  things to say just because we don't have a huge   Spotlight doesn't mean we don't know stuff we can  share information and put it out into the world   yeah and if 50 people or 100 000 people listen  we're changing mindsets through conversation   yeah that's the power we have as yeah humans and  once we realize this we all start going together   I think we're going to shift into a new time and  this is why these conversations are so important   people learning about self-sabotage because  it is now the time to change yeah and grow and   shift because whilst you're doing it other people  are doing it as well and if we all do it together   we'll start shifting out of this dense  existence that I feel like we've had   for centuries now yeah even longer yeah so I  feel like we are in a transitional period that   these conversations is the good work and I mean  if we're helping it's the age or saying yeah   you've got to help yourself before you can help  other people oh yeah so you've done the work I'm   doing the work I've done the work I'm still doing  the work it's another it's a never-ending job and   now we can have these conversations and put it out  to people yeah and and also getting maybe you know   ladies and gentlemen listen to this again and make  key notes of the the important things that we've   said like for example asking ourselves questions  um what's stopping me what might I be scared of   and also when it comes to goals it's like I  couldn't do that that question which I use   a lot of the time because it's a real pattern  intro what if you can well if you can what if   you can yeah what if you can make your own dreams  come true what if you can is it worth the effort   and of course it must be yeah what if you can  regardless what other people might say what if   you can and then that's just one one step when  you've achieved that and you want to look up to   the next step what if you can what if you can and  then all of a sudden you're in a totally different   life that you have empowered that you have created  and designed and so while a lot of people taking   these steps upwards it's like oh scary I'm gonna  fall no it's fine because if you do you know how   to step back up again yeah you know it's like  in in the past when I've um coach people that   um in business they started started from  scratching they built it they've been through   the real tough stuff and built it so when it  goes wrong they know what they go back a few   steps and they know what to do versus somebody  that's inherited a business very successful   business or struck lucky and had a very good  easy piece of luck that made the business go   really great yeah then when it hits trouble they  can't they haven't got what it takes to fix it   and so even the the toiling steps the hard work  steps the teaching us all the time and they will   help protect us in the future as well so we want  to embrace even if things aren't off okay no   it's temporary and what is it I can do right now  that's just going to improve me my world my life   and just listen to your mind yep I feel  like that's a great way to round this up   I want to say thank you to Maureen Maureen's  here on her free time giving gems out of pure   love and dedication and I'm aware of  your time because you've got a client   in 40 minutes which is paid where Maureen is  a professional she has these conversations for   a living and gets paid for it and she's coming  to us and our community life is sound and she's   dropping gems for free so we really appreciate  your time Maureen and I know the listeners have   really enjoyed your episodes and got a lot from it  this is only the start this is what episode nine   this one feels like we've done way more than Nine  episodes but we're gonna keep this rolling if you   want to support the podcast you can do there's  a link in the description it takes a lot of time   and effort to do this it's not about money but  we're going to build this into something special   I want to thank Maureen for her time make sure  you follow the podcast on all platforms and the   biggest thing that you can do is Click Share and  send this to someone who you feel like just might   need that conversation about self-sabotage and  stopping themselves from their own abilities and   things that they want to achieve but thanks  to Maureen appreciate you remember no matter   what you're going through in life life is good  life is sound and we'll see you on the next one