Life Is Sound

009 | Self Sabotage w/ Maureen Fearon

January 02, 2023 Knew J Episode 9
Life Is Sound
009 | Self Sabotage w/ Maureen Fearon
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Show Notes Transcript

In this episode we discuss "Self Sabotage"and the many ways it can show up in our lives. Today's guest is our resident behavioural and emotional specialist, Maureen Fearon, who helps people work through and resolve issues in their lives with amazing results. We all at some point in our lives have committed the act of "Self Sabotage", some of us even continue to do so, in this episode we ask the question "what if you didn't have to any longer?"

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hello good people and welcome back to life is sound it's been a while since we've had our good  friend Maureen on the show I feel like I said Maureen i'm just gonna pop off and do a couple  of episodes with some other guests and it feels like it's been forever since you've been on like  so it's really great to have you back and today we're going to talk about self-sabotage and why  we do it what that looks like and how we can change it Maureen let people know what you've  been up to remind people of who you are and what you do and then we'll get into it well you didn't  tell me that I was going to let people know what I've been up to you'll keep keep that quiet though  um yeah I'm well am I I'm a therapist I'm a behavioural specialist emotional specialist  teacher trainer and all sorts of different things but the Insight the exciting thing is I've been  fostering fostering a mother cat and five babies oh how is that going I've met them there's like a  mini Wildlife documentary oh it's hilarious hard work but hilarious so this morning was um worming they haven't got worms but it's what you have to do to ensure that they don't get worms yeah and so  there's this liquid that you have to squirt in the mouth well in the mum it's like I'm not doing that  um so I mixed it in her food and kept it the real juicy food that you really can't resist and that  was fine but the little little ones can't do that because you can't reliably know that one of them  is eating in that food so they have to have it squirted in their mouth oh my gosh they absolutely  did not like that and I have and it's white liquid and so the first one is like that went  in your mouth how did you manage to spray it back at me so I think that one which is called moza  um I think no one's gonna join the circus and beatriceps artist or something as well because  just likes to jump and climb my legs as though my legs are tree trunks which you know it has  been said in the Notre well I was at your house for what about an hour a day on your birthday and  they were just causing like so much chaos in that in that hour but to sit and watch little little  animals just be so in their own nature growing taking everything in you could spend you could sit  there all day and like spend eight hours just like watching observing them and they're even worse  today yeah they're even even they're exploring even further and and mother instead of going from  my ankle and climbing up my leg is now doing a run and jump so seize my legs runs and then from about  maybe half a foot away just jumps and clings onto and today's all right because I've got big thick  socks under under my jeans but yesterday oh my gosh and I'm trying to discourage because we  shouldn't be developing this behavior and fine for climbing trees but not for climbing human legs so  I am trying to discourage the behavior but once they get something fixed in their mind that is it  um but yesterday oh the blood earlier yeah yeah because I'm busy doing other things it's like  okay at least I know where that one is so I'm busy doing and then then fed them all  changed all the litter trays and there's like and it's like no my leg feels a bit stingy oh that  feels a bit odd rolled up my jeans and there it is this leg that has got a thousand of long cuts  and I'm allergic to cats no but watching them is it's wonderful great meditation watching them but also great lessons  in life just watching them reminding me oh can you ever remember being as free as a kitten and many of us probably can't how old were we when we first started responsibility yeah whereas  watching these kittens nothing matters whatever they want to go and do it and then they bounce  back I mean it's like I said to you means you think how do you guys survive in the wild like if  this was really the wild a look you know domestic Cuts aren't you know wild but there is other cuts  out there that are a little bit bigger that are in the wild and you just watch them for a couple of  hours and you see how free they are in the world but not understanding of the world as well it's  like how do you guys survive obviously nature is cruel so they won't all survive but it does make  you think like you saw there's such an innocence and a purity there but how do you survive in the  big bad world when there's not a human here going hey I'm just gonna keep you watching  because it's mind-employing like to watch him but but it's but it's like humans as well isn't it  so the more you learn you look after them the more you do for them the less they know to do  for themselves and that's the same with human beings so when we have an awful lot of parents  um do too much for their children um because they can't let go for a variety of reasons and  sometimes they completely just continue doing that not just through the early days when they  need that it continues so of course a little baby will need to be spoon-fed will need but then they  develop and grow but parents still needs to do that job and some I remember when I was  um doing the young Enterprise um initiative with um teenagers and great kids love them  they were wonderful so these are about 15 16 year olds and remember this lad I said hey  your shoelaces undone and he looks at me looked down at his shoelace and it was undone  so then he put his foot on the floor in front of me and I went  what are you doing that for he said well aren't you going to tie it okay beg you pardon he  said you're not gonna time I said time your own shoelace he didn't even have a glint in his eye  whereas one of the other boys he would have done it as a laugh and it's like where's the glint that  this isn't computing he said I don't know how to I thought what do you mean you don't know how to  I said well who does your laces in the morning he said me mum all right well you know this is  your lucky day because you're going to learn how to start your own shoelace [Laughter]  but I just thought seriously if that's if that's what your mum's done and here you are 15 16. and  you're not a wimp of a person and you're totally capable of learning how to tie shoelace and I  remember I did it at the age of four so if I can do at the age of four you could do at the age of  15. and and you thought wow what else has mum been doing for you it's like what kind of a cat are you  gonna be so you can see it on a on a dating app can't you um are you looking for somebody  who needs you to tie their shoelaces together our time together I've I've grown up with my mum so my mum was a single parent I'd see my dad a lot  of the weekends but I know throughout life my mum really mothered me at times yeah and  in a weird way as I've got older I've really I really appreciate that relationship a lot more  and I realize how much she does for me now when it comes to you know the the serious things in  life how much is there as a support and a friend and just that real Rock but definitely growing up  as a man I don't know I look back at the things that she did you know washy and tidy and all the  things you don't even think about when you're a kid it's just magic mom comes in and it's and  it's all done it's like if if I was sharing a space with a no which obviously I'm not I know  how different I would be and it does make me realize that people haven't had that in  life yeah some people don't have that you know nurture all the way through and it I'm a very  self-reflecting person so I'll think about has my mum done too much for me in Life or  could I have done more and I just at the same time I think everything is supposed to be the  way it's been and I know I'm a good well-rounded person but she definitely went easy on me if  that made sense with certain things let me get away with a lot I was a nightmare at certain  age I think about 30 and I I just gave my mom hell for like a couple of years in what way she can she can see like her size because I can always remember it from I remember running up the  stairs a lot shutting my door and my mum's trying to catch me but she never caught me I think she  might have caught me once but I'd always get my foot behind the door and she could never get in  so I think there was a lot of difficulty there but yeah I think it does probably change you  know how you react in the world if you've had someone you know do a lot for you in life I  left home quite late as well so that was what 31 32 I'd left home a few times you know different  relationships ended up coming back and since then like being in my own space it has made me think  about those things how much my mum did for me you know throughout my life I still know friends that  still live at home now yeah and I don't think there's any right or wrong but I definitely  wish I would have probably moved out earlier in life just to get that bit of independence by the  same time my relationship with my mum is amazing I couldn't ask for about a month like she's unreal  um but I do understand completely like what you're saying like if people have  too much done for them in life you're not really seeing the world for for what it is  um and then when you get out there on your own in the big wide world you just start getting beat up  left right and center and it's also it's horrible not to know how to do things it's disempowering if  you don't know how to do something when you're expected to um so so there's that end of it as  well um but also it means that you then have to find someone that is going to potentially  if you don't learn that is going to have to do those jobs that your mum and dad used to do yeah  um and then that that then sets a pathway for a particular type of relationship yeah  um but there's also the Other Extreme as well where there's an awful lot of kids who have to  do so much so early and sometimes that works out really really well so I I consider myself lucky  that in my world it worked out really well but there's an awful lot of others where they had  to do an awful lot so early and they had no choice they didn't want to and they can be bitter for the  rest of their lives especially when it's an older child that has had to hold a big burden on the  shoulders of looking after maybe siblings whether the parents split up or whether they're together  you know it could be two parents where the um they're both working for example and then you  have to be doing all the household and looking and the responsibility of looking after the smaller  ones you know often it's like right and you you know you're the older one you make sure they don't  get into trouble yeah well that is just such a responsibility to put on a child's shoulders for  oh can't let them get into trouble so I I had one little brother um but my sister had four  of us that were younger so I can't imagine how challenging that must have been for her to have  keep them all out of trouble impossible absolutely impossible with my little brother used to um take  him home from school from primary school and there was and he was just a young lad kind of like with  you know very few responsibilities so he was posted me outside the school Gates and there are  a few times where he didn't turn up and no other parents noticed me there on my own nobody seemed  to have that kind of I don't think I was invisible and nobody seemed to oh you were what you're  waiting for Maureen oh no none of that happened and then it's like oh well he'd only just decided  to go out the back door and go a different way but the worry and the terror of the the possibility  that he's been abducted so that was the fear then abducted was the big fear and then the  second fear was being knocked down and I was like and then the joy and the relief of just seeing him  everything just dissolved and then wouldn't even dare tell my mom because I'd have got into trouble  for him going AWOL so for some older children who've got the responsibility of that times two  times three times four that can not always but that can stay with them and unless it's resolved  that bitterness can last through the whole lives and but also it can be the right okay because  I've got to be in control I've got to be bossy because if I'm not bossy then this all doesn't  get done so you do that you do that you do that you do that you do that it's the way that they  have the behavior that they have to display to be able to get jobs done whatever those jobs might be  and so then it's hard to shake off those habits and then you might find in a relationship a bossy  do this do that dude I was well just do it and it can create antagonism in in relationships  so it's how hard is it to be human well our last guest Jamie Lou spoke about this and you know her  childhood grew up around addiction and obviously what she's working through now as as an adult uh  thing she's just under the 30s what works she's having to do you know she's someone  who's self-aware right this is what's coming up this is what I'm gonna have to clear now  if people don't know that type of stuff or what work they can do to clear through those things  that people go through um you know me I know my mom's my mom and dad's divorced from being  three I never really thought it affected me as I'm getting older I think about it a lot  and moments I remember from times in my life I've got a Clear Vision of my mum  and dad arguing at the door and my mum kick him my dad out my mum said that didn't happen  so ever I've created that but I remember some commotion I was playing with a Lego set and  there was commotion at the door whatever image I've attached to that whether it's real or not  I remember that experience so there's things that happened to us at that age that we you  know starts to come up as as we in our adulthood and someone like myself Someone Like You someone  like Jamie will think about these things and how we can shift it if you're not aware of that then  things like self-sabotage start to come into into play and  and these are the silent saboteurs that people are not aware of and what would I know you you know  you deal with a lot of people on a daily basis throughout the year you'll probably have a great  data set of similarities of you know things that you see people struggling with or not changing and  what would you say self-sabotage is in your world when you see people coming to you with  an issue you saying hey maybe you could do this and they might go oh yeah amazing  but you just don't do it yeah or they'll do a little bit or they'll put after tomorrow and if  these little things are is you know self-sabotage we're stopping ourselves walking the path that we  know is the best for us what would you say self sabotage is in your world it's a wide-bearing  um demon really a lot of people I would say that we're in a place of coping culture  so we just having to get into coping just to get on with life on a day-to-day basis so for  example I might have somebody that comes to me that might be in dire emotions whatever  they may be heartbroken lost frustrated anger whatever fear whatever and we get great results  and often it's okay great results in maybe one session  and there's always more to be done to really finish that job but because they're feeling  so great that'll do oh no it's fine it's fine so they're going into the coping Zone where it's like  no everything's fine everything's so much better than it was yesterday or last week so they're  in coping coping with live but what's under that little surface that surface can be quite fragile  and it's what's under that surface that can then at a point always looking for an opening  and as soon as there's a tiny opening and that can be that we're tired or the frustration whatever  it might be fear whatever or even just watching something on television that can trigger our minds  and it's finding the Gap and it's like the okey Cokey it's like all the demons want to rush out of  that Gap to just sabotage and we're talking what do we mean by sabotage we're meaning anything from  not eating our best not going for the the right job not speaking up for ourselves  not being able to stop people being toxic not being able to escape a relationship  that is samajang or it's just kind of like the wrong Behavior so that as well as goals in life  as well as addictions as well as getting ourselves in trouble and getting ourselves out of trouble  it covers and we are all responsible because we are ourselves we are our own machine that creates  it all so it's a it's a complex business and most people are not even interested  because they don't they just want to feel good now I just want to stop feeling bad and feel good oh  but Equity no no I'm not interested I want to move on that is our culture our culture isn't wisely  unraveling all the stuff that's in and we've all got issues because we're human it's how we  develop it's how a lot of people are ashamed to have issues because I know it's just being human  and I often say dear sneeze when you've got a cold I'm like well yeah it's like well when you sneeze  we all do it and it's not comes out sorry too not comes out and imagine that's just emotion we've all got the potential when the circumstance  is right for this to happen so what we want to do is clear up the mess and then keep ourselves  as healthy as possible and do whatever we can to stop it happening again in a healthy way it's not  about control it's just about having choice and being in our best freest healthiest happy self  that is a real weird concept very alien to most people because a little Saboteur may be  inside saying that's not possible you don't deserve to be happy you don't deserve to win  or a lot of people for example in careers with their goals oh you'd be no good at that  now do you remember last time when when you were five and you failed and it felt so bad  yeah give up now because otherwise you're gonna feel that again it's as though we've got these  little Demons Inside So it's like I want this is my goal and this is what I want to do but inside  is like now we're not going to do that because there's a risk of failure and you remember when it  really hurt last time well we're not going there again well the reality is when we heard last time  we recovered and so we're safer and stronger if that's the right word I don't believe it is the  right word but stronger in sense of more resilient um than than ever because every day we're getting  wiser and more resilient but the Little Voices Inside might be saying oh and when sometimes  we're deaf to those voices we don't even know that they're there until we start exploring and shift  them out and so we we all might have and it can be just from one flippant statement that somebody  said to us back in our past that struck a chord and then got buried and cemented in our psyche  you know whatever it might be independent on who brought us up who were exposed to in  those early days we might have an awful lot in there so I I've achieved so much more in my life  um it was never possible because I was told that you know even I think I mentioned before my mom  was called Maureen so I was a little one the insignificant one and so it's like oh always  looking up to it's like oh um and so I always kind of like have that so to have achieved what I've  achieved so far which is you know nothing Grand really but in my little world it's a lot so it's  useful for us to be educated but why aren't we educated why are we not educated in understanding what are saboteurs might be doing well the strange thing about it is a lot of us know  the thing that we should be doing and it has to be driven by the subconscious programming that we've  had throughout our life which is just the way we've always done things or all that's a bit too  new to what who I am or what I'm about so someone like yourself you can go look this is proven to  work you know I get results with this thing okay sounds amazing sign me up so someone will come  along and speak to you and have an amazing hour or two hours three hours however long they speak  to you they'll go away now when it's time to do that thing in their own world on their own  that subconscious programming that they've always known can always just win that little battle Yeah  it's like come on you know you can do this because this is the best thing for the path of your life  but you've never done that that's alien it's safer over here so it has to be about keeping  yourself in a safe space the thing you've always known the the Comfort even though  those Comforts around you might not be serving you well you know like you said  bad food drink drugs bad friends whatever it is you don't move past that because there's a  security in the thing that you've always known the hard part is to walk that New Path yeah  and see what that works like and when you do that we're rewiring our brains in a complete new way so  it is heartbreaking and you'll see you'll see this all the time and we you know we speak about this  a lot we see it in our own lives we see in people around us people are saying you know come to see  my friend Maureen like trust me she'll sort you out like pretty quick you don't need to  go through all this stuff that you're going through just boom it'll be you know cleared  we speak about this a lot and it is heartbreaking when you know these things will rarely help and  what can people do to start to change that program in the subconscious not the conscious mind the  thing that we go oh I'm [ __ ] Chris oh God I need a drink of water not that it's it's the thing that  when you get into your car and you turn your ignition on and you go into the supermarket is  that thing that gets you there without consciously thinking about where the supermarket is how do we  tap into that how do we change our programming to be better when self-sabotage arises that it's  it can be very complex for people and people are not interested most people are not interested in  learning and so what we have to do is to to learn and there's also so bearing in mind that most  people do not want to go into the understanding of how it all works they just want the results  so it's like I don't want to know all of that just just give me what I want yeah you know and that is  that is the culture of our society if I think back to um like my mum and Dad's generation my  grandparents generation they had great pride in steadily learning how to do something properly  no no just tell me what to do or just do it for me I'll be fine no I'll teach you  no no you just do it no that's where we're at now it's even worse now as well yeah because  attention span is just shortening and short and because social media boom information  everything coming out your sort of thinking fast yeah we don't want the process oh I want  to be good at piano how do I do that I want it tomorrow yeah it's going to be great tomorrow  I want to be like Elton John like how long will that take probably about 12 years oh right okay that's where we're at and it's clear to see across the board like you said but it's so disempowering  because it's because when you learn a competence that feeling competent is great whether that's  changing a plug or what do you know how to change a plug yeah I do oh there's a hesitation  in this day you'll be like right I know it but let me just have this YouTube video on the side and also we're not even supposed to and allowed to really I think there's a legislation that says  oh no I'm not sure whether it's changing a plug but lots of electrical things in the house so if  listeners If You Don't Go Changing plugs go and check whether it's safe to do so you might have  to get this podcast did not tell you to change any plugs no if this podcast is saying go and look at  the rules of life and keep yourself legally safe but when I was a child my mum used to change plugs  and I used copier and it's just like what are you doing what are you doing watching and because we  wanted to learn yeah and remember do you know what the fuses yeah in the olden days um if you didn't  have a fuse cigarettes had um metal foil that kept them so often that metal foil in cigarettes  I don't know what cigarettes look like now I've never smoked but I know what my mum and Dad's  cigarette packets were all about so that that very fine that often got put in as a replacement see people just wouldn't know that today well yeah and you just don't absolutely wouldn't ever want  to do that and but that's the kind of things it did but we were really Keen to learn but  not as Keen as they were in those days because learning and becoming competent was your escape  from drudgery it meant you could get a better job you know there's an awful lot of one of the things  I've noticed hugely in in the differences over the decades is I know this is quite stereotypical but  guys we're brilliant engineering wise so kind of like it was any guy would know if the fan  belt in your car they'd know what to do yeah yeah they just know what to do um they'd know what to  do if the boiler stopped working they'd have a clue of oh try this this and this whereas today  that's disappeared yeah wouldn't even know how to have a have a go and so all of these learning  competencies whilst yeah of course we've still got education clearly we must learn something  but there's an awful lot that we're not learning and it's disempowering so me being a single female  having to learn the stuff that I've had to learn to do at first it was incredibly scary  and if things broke one of my saboteurs was I can't fix it so there was a belief in my system  that if I can't fix it then I and I just used to have emotional breakdown um quite literally  I remember um when I had a puncture it was like I don't know I couldn't get the nuts off  to try and change the wheel and I didn't I I knew that you'd put a jacket underneath and  you'd Jack it up and whatever and it's like right okay I think I'll be able to do that  um but I didn't know at that point that you're supposed to put a single point you don't just  put it anywhere on the car but I didn't know that was just you know what you see you copying  what you do but I remember being absolutely so upset that I couldn't fix it myself I felt so  pathetic I felt so useless and alone and Abandoned and it was awful absolutely awful  and then using the EFT techniques tapping techniques so luckily it was in a time when  I knew about EFT so I tap so half an hour's worth of tapping totally shifted all of those  and then was perfectly fine one of the things that was difficult for me to ask for help  so to even ask somebody to help me with with the engine of my car has fallen out and I can't  fix it asking a mechanic can you come and have a look at that would have been real trauma for me  whereas now tapped it all out and it's like I can ask anybody for help and the difference was  I could ask anybody for help for anybody else but when it came to asking for help from myself that  was a different ball game that was a traumatic ball game and so and I was great at asking for  help for other other situation work for example there was no issue whatsoever if there was help  needed the goal of a performance in work doing whatever it is I was doing that was fine could  ask towards getting whatever no hesitation at all but then that difference that makes a difference  asking for something that is absolutely for me literally traumatic people couldn't understand  the tears I remember there was one guy um an old friend of mine and I just burst out  crying what are you crying for all right because I've had to ask for help it went are you serious  something wrong with you why why would you why would you feel like this asking me it's  no big deal you know again just I didn't have the strength to it and do certain screws and nuts and  whatever and it's like may I think you're a bit mad why would he cry why would you get so upset  because you just can't do you're not meant to you know I'm a gas engineer you know meant to  know what I know and it was just like yeah no but it's not about logic it isn't about common sense  it's about our emotional system and how that's all wired and so we have those saboteurs and saboteurs  if we keep it simple for people is maybe our belief systems yeah and a lot of those are hidden  and so when we're coming up to um New Year and we're looking at people okay I'm gonna do this  I'm gonna do that I'm gonna do the other and as we probably never may do another session on this  um towards the end of January we have the peak  pick week of depression because people are feeling such a failure because  they have failed in their New Year's resolutions yeah but we haven't taught people how to set goals  properly and in the workplace a lot of people might work out how to do it but then that's just  the compartment of work they don't often spill that out into what is it I want to achieve in  my life what my life goals what is it I truly want to do and that is like two voids that need  a bridge for us to know that okay I can do it over there so I can what is it that's stopping  me doing it over here and it is some emotional programming that just needs shifting yeah and it  can be as simple as that and that's that's one of the most rewarding bits of my working with  people or even in a group um where they can it can happen as an aha moment where the the mind let's  take coffee all right oh that was a great song oh you just want me to sing don't you I was a tune oh that takes me back to the days I used to work for um exchange and Mart um selling advertising  space over the phone and um one of the ladies that came into to be one of their supervisors  her husband um was insecurity and oh I can't remember oh you'll come back to me I think  they're called Apes his security company was called apes and he was the security  um for Nick Kershaw I don't realize you got to be kidding our heart is in the AHA time and so  have you well you might not have heard of this have you heard of Live Aid yeah yeah okay he  was one of the stars on there okay and so yeah so you just your aha moment just made me go aha  I remember Nick Kershaw saying what I can't even remember but anyway so there you go so  where were we I love how we go on that do you know it is a sign of Genius anybody out there  if you find that when you're with people when you with like-minded people and often visual people  creative people can cover a thousand topics and don't finish one and continually go off track  I like to say that's a sign of genius that's uh what most of our phone calls are like I was gonna  call Maureen for a quick five minute chat and I think rarely we ever finish under an hour I know  I blame you because it's I've been listening to your podcast which are brilliant I love them  all and all of them are longer than I'm sure you planned so I think you're the common denominator I  think we're both both uh bad when we're together but we just fuel each other but is it bad or is  it good I think it's good I think it's good if you get a lot of conversation and I think  life is so busy especially as you get older cramming everything into the day that they  just fly by and sometimes you have to go right do I have time to call Maureen but then it's  actually like yeah I do so we have that chat and it's a weird thing that you see the hours at the  end and you feel guilty for having a conversation that is like well I should make a note of it yeah  because that shows me that yeah but it's like a guilt when you see you know one hour and 30  minutes how have you been speaking for that long but then you the realization is yeah well that's  a great person in your life and you get a lot from these conversations and I like to think  you do too uh no I I just get off the phone go oh my God oh my God he's just been trying  for another hour and he didn't even ask me what it was he phoned me for I'm gonna have to phone  him in the morning did you call me for a reason yesterday yeah but if you notice I don't phone  you back and say what was it your phone for I'll send a text what was it your phone for  do we call it we've always done I love a voice note voice the closest people I voice no and  the people that voice note me back I kid you not if I get a 10 minute voice note I go yes  yes because when I'm free and I've got time to press play I fully enjoy like just tidying up  and listening to a voice note of someone that I know speaking to me about something it's like a  little mini podcast but going back to what we were speaking about when you're talking about  goal setting so it's something I've seen in my job over the past couple of years where work was just  piling up it's just me and my job bro people might know no I don't even know if I've spoken about  this but I'm a music producer so I produce music for TV campaigns and online campaigns and within  the business that I work for it's just me that does that role so when the work comes it's like  everything on me nice to spin plates left right and center and there's only me doing it  when I started this role pretty much the same time lockdown started early 2020  started to realize the importance of goal setting on a daily basis so I just have a you know piece  of paper today's to-do list say there's 10 things on there I might not complete those 10 things  but I know it's as I was taking these things off there's an internal reward system that when  you look back on that the day after you might go right I didn't manage to do three things  today so that'll go on the next day's list and as you tick that it's kind of like that  in a child that when you got that little gold star when you were a kid and you felt like you were  achieved something when you see something on paper in front of you and you can actually process the  thing that you've done rather than keeping it all up here I've got 10 things to do today you might  only do three you got seven now overwhelming you for tomorrow so I started to realize the  importance of goal setting just in to-do lists I know it's a really simple thing I'm not giving  anyone you know some super insightful information we're like oh my god of course I never thought  of that to-do list but I started to realize that the reward in seeing a tick next to those  items on the list that I had to do then I started to realize that right if I'm doing that for work why can't I do it for my own life how do I start to take that little mini program and apply it to  the Grand scale and when I started to do that I saw my my life shift in a different direction now  I'm not a an amazing practicer of this I know I want I need to get better and really solidified  you know next year bigger goals stronger goals and I came across something recently  a guy called Patrick bit David great guy pretty sure he's studied NLP as well great  communicate caterer and he said if you've not got one goal that people laugh at you're not  dreaming big enough and that really hit home for me because I think goals now for me are  about you know the day day to day to do less but right let's expand that out to life what do  I want to achieve next year what do I want to level up from the things I've done previously  right are those achievable yeah is it going to take a lot of work yeah a lot of focus a lot of  dedication but what's one thing that I think is so out there that's going to be so difficult but  also possible but if you tell that's people you're a crazy person you're never going to  do that you know the people that instantly doubt or tell you you can't do something  that's what I want to do next year get that really big goal that just seems crazy get the rest that  I know I can hit with really hard work and start to see it like the to-do lists yeah on the daily  basis because that to-do list on a daily basis can be a really tough day but there's nothing that you  go I can't do that that's not achievable it's like I need to do this if I can't do it today I'm going  to do it tomorrow so how do we take the mindset of the small day-to-day to-do list and start to apply  it to life so we're changing up because it's all changing programs it's getting into that gear of  dedication and just being a bit more responsible in the direction of your own action and taking  action towards the goals now we're in we're in a season where a lot of people so so if I ask  you five things that you connect to this season okay that not to do with a Christmas presents okay  five things so what do you what do individuals do five things hibernate and what does hibernate mean  power down relax rest so in terms of action what does it mean what are you doing nothing yeah we got there we got there yeah no no that's that's nothing okay so we are actually in  the season of doing nothing okay do people over this period of time stay in bed longer  yeah I mean personal experience yeah as much as possible how come  because that's what we see As relaxing and doing nothing and what else is it for me it just start taking time  regenerating yeah and what else is it well why are you allowed to do it now because you assume it's the holidays time to do no work yeah and so we're told and taught  when it comes to holidays it's no work do you remember being in school and if there was a  teacher that didn't turn up and you got free or you could go out and play or you could go home  early for 10 minutes or whatever or you could just do nothing how fabulous that was do you remember  so it's like no matter what class it was well actually maybe my world PE had been I'd have cried  because I loved pee but it's like oh great we're getting to do nothing and we celebrated doing  nothing we didn't need to not be doing things because you know as young people were got loads  and loads of energy and so we learn at an early age and sometimes people that this resting this  doing nothing staying in bed being on the sofa sofa time Etc feels so good and so we get into  the habit of doing it and as we know habits stick and then it can be difficult coming out of habits  but what also is thinking back in time When We Were Young when did we rest and do nothing  just when you were sick yeah and when we were sick what kind of attention did we get I love and yeah nature yeah oh you were lucky yeah I got a slap no no so so often we get attention  and we get looked after and it feels good it just feels so good to know and reassuring and  and so so there can be a saboteur that's linked to those experiences When We Were Young because  when we're when we're young and we're we're in house won't want to get out and play like the  kittens want to just want to play but there are a lot of people that sometimes when I'm  poorly that's the only time that I feel loved that's the only time that I felt that Mum cared  or dad cared or or even that people that left me alone so some people well the only time I got left  alone and didn't have my head packed was when I was Ill so some people will actually create  illness yeah you know we've got this system we've got an amazing sophisticated system that creates  illness as well and sometimes that can be for a reason you know it's like well well no there's  germs in the air well how come germs in the air will attack you and they don't attack me  I don't know it's because we're all uniquely made and so when we're looking at saboteurs we  want to recognize resting we want to make sure we don't get addicted to it yeah so a lot of  people through this let's call it a two-week season from Christmas through to New Year  just wanna do nothing and it's like how come it's like we really don't know so listeners  out there if you just love doing nothing fine for an hour or so outside of that  why do we want more and often it's because well I deserve it I've worked hard I've worked hard  so I can deserve a rest so with me I worked hard therefore I can go and have some play  I'd much prefer to play than to rest yeah because you get more you just have more life experiences  so even those little um beliefs that have been set in our system back in early days right okay  it comes to Christmas we all sit on the sofa we sit on the sofa what else do we do at Christmas um and again that is conditioned into US trained into as an early age at Christmas time we rest  we do nothing and we eat until we actually feel as if we have to walk with our chin up  because we're so full painfully for well that can't be good on our digestive system as well  as so it's like overloading the factory it's like oh my gosh it's overwhelming them but not  just that putting into the factory what's not good yeah and and it's like why do we do that  and and what often happens those that remain healthy who go actually no it's okay I don't  want another mint I remember once mince pies I was a golfing event and at the end of it was  mince pies being passed around it's like no thank you I don't want one what she doesn't want them  into pie what's that she's not having a mince pie she's not having a men's fine not having a mince  pie I went around about 30 people the fact that I wasn't going to have a mince pie and then this  chap said can I have it it's like please do you saw the opportunity I went through but but yeah  and and this is what we have if you're not like us you must be you must be wrong if you don't do  what we do you're weird alien whatever and so we learn at an early age to do all of these things  and people who do the healthy things the thing that's good for them we can often be critical  I don't mean me and you I mean the human race it can be critical of somebody and I totally admire  those people who it's like oh yeah you think you're gonna do that all right we'll wait and see  um and I totally admire how they then take little steps or big steps big leaps they might take a  big leap and fall flat on the face and it's like oh bless you but you tried but others are like  oh well see you you couldn't do it and and it's so sad that that is our culture in the main yeah  as opposed to and it's like how can't how come we can't Embrace how can how come we can't copy what  others do you know we we see often we see people in in big success and think oh it's easy for them  well for the majority of them it probably hasn't been you know there are some people who do get  it easy you know things happen get passed through you know wealthy families Etc you know there are  lots of people out there with great wealth where their offsprings can just enjoy that wealth and  never have to work a day in their life and don't have to learn too much really in life  but that's not very fulfilling some of the the things that we've learned and learned  to do are the most like you said before most fulfilling and rewarding so we want to recognize  what is our good thinking and what is our bad thinking  so what how much resting are we doing and how come because time disappears and we can get addicted  to resting yeah and I know I've fallen for all of it it's like I'm staying I'd like to get up early  I was like oh but I deserve to stay in bed because it's it's midday often I've worked  so hard and behind because I'm aware of it I'll go whoa hang on a minute  am I going to be sleeping yes or no does my body need more sleep no well get up yeah so so I'll  actually get up or it's like oh it's so warm and comfy I might go and get myself cup of tea and  get my laptop out and you know just sit in bed for a little bit and then it's like no I want to  get up because we can get addicted to resting and when we rest more than we need that can fatigue us  100 yeah it can fatigue us but it also makes our bones and muscles not feel good not work well  getting out and exercising and exercising from head to toe is wonderful but we get addicted and  can feel good doing nothing then when we come to move we're a little bit like the Tin Man in the  Wizard of Oz it's like oh I need oil for all my joints and things don't work so well so the key  is to get addicted to action get addicted to doing things get addicted to doing lists you know a book  I don't know if you've ever read it something about eating the Frog no I have it I I know you  don't read so I won't give it on myself that's a goal that's a goal I went away um a few days ago  for two nights in a in a hot in a field no phone signal no plugs for your laptop no electronics  nothing and I actually got through a third of a book well and it's there's a box in the other room  yeah the thick book I was so proud of myself this is what I need to do more of because I consume a  lot of information via audio Yeah and podcasts and watching you know people like yourself  professionals that know this stuff and I consume that way but I need to get back into the age-old  art of text and you know in the brain take that in and having that time I think my biggest thing  is time yeah I I see it as a not a waste of time but I really struggle to sit there and be with  a book for hours obviously in a hot in the middle of nowhere I had time to do that yeah and I really  enjoyed it and I realized that reading inspired writing so I started writing pretty much straight  away so even though I was doing it on the phone because I didn't have a pen and paper but that's  what I realized quite quickly oh me doing that equals me getting this yeah so it's changing that  mindset and setting a new goal and I think how I operate now I really wish I had this mindset when  I was mid-20s early 20s because what I've noticed in this period of holidays where there's no work  if you remember a few weeks ago I said morning I can't wait to just switch off do nothing I'm doing  no work I'm making no music I'm not recording any podcasts I'm not doing anything until the new  year that was the mindset I realized over the past couple of days when I got back from the two-night  break I don't enjoy doing nothing anymore yeah so you know I might turn my Xbox on play that for an  hour but it doesn't give me what I used to get from it I want to go and make music but I also  want a break from it but I can feel myself wanting to go and do it we're doing this podcast today and  I was looking forward to it I'm like I told myself I wasn't gonna do a podcast in the break I'm like  are you are you doing it you enjoy doing it so allow yourself to do it and it's that programming  it's all this learning in this time period you do nothing and I started to realize to be successful  and create the life that you want it's not about sitting and resting and doing nothing it's about  doing that when you need to do it you know when you feel the burnout which we know is very real  when you feel that creeping and you're like right system overload I need to you know go to sleep or  chill for a bit when you feel that need and want to rest listen to your intuition and your body but  I really am a person now where I really appreciate that when I'm resting my mind's I ever got  five ideas it wants to do and get started or I need to do this podcast what about a  song I've not finished or about this person that wants me to create this for them and I realized  that that's what next year for me is going to be yeah not resting as much no because it is is the  programming from you know being a teenager and gaming or gaming with your friends that carries  on into early 20s maybe a bit for me late 20 years when I'd come back from being busy you know doing  music or like you know full professional stuff you're like right this is my downtime but now what  I've realized is I start to see those things even though I do get rest and recovery from them are  those things driving me in the direction I want to go in life the things I want to achieve and what I  know is possible because this is where I think we all keep ourselves in a safe space because we're unaware of our ability to change our life and manifest the world around us and  we're scared to let go a lot of a lot of the safety nets which can be the people you know  the job you had that relationship that's not serving you all these alcohol drugs all  these things were scared to let go because it's what we've known I've worked through  some of those things and I've realized as I've moved away from attachment and I've  created Detachment my life started to shift in a better Direction got more finances coming to me  I feel I'm growing more as a person and what I've noticed that when these things come into alignment  it's like a Snowball Effect you start to realize your life is going in the way that you want it to  go right okay instead of going fought off the gas this is too quick I wonder what you're going to  say then instead of going far off the Gus this is too quick now my mind is like right so where can  we go now if we got here yeah this was possible from conversations we had five years ago where I'm  like Maureen you know I want to do this I want to do that and now I feel like I'm I'm doing it even  done it to a point yeah now I'm like right okay next level next level and instead of choosing  I just smoked spliff tonight I've not smoked for time I'll allow myself to have a spliff see why  that's light it's like well what if you don't know because life's going okay without that  stuff what if you don't turn your Xbox on because life is going good without doing that so all these  things that I've told myself you need for the rest and that's what you do to relax I just have this  glass of wine which then turns into whatever let's go out with my friends which turns into whatever  this is not me telling anyone how you know how to live the life I'm not judging in any way but  I'm at that place now where I'm like right  time is on times 10 and I'm sure everyone's feeling similar that I speak to how do we take  this downtime and apply it in a positive way whether that's you know meditation  stretching dancing things and moving your body singing Whatever It Is writing goals down because  those are the things absolutely fuel happiness unshift your direction that you never thought  yeah and and it creates possibility so it's like okay I can do that but but a lot of people are  stuck in the habits and the expectations of what they've been taught and what what  is still continuously being taught you know if we if we think about looking at the television and I  think it's it's you I'm thinking I'm contemplating January being a stay away from television social  media anything with a screen that isn't email or a PowerPoint for my work because I need to do that  and just staying away and I stay away quite a bit from mainstream television and then when I  go back to it it's like oh seriously really what and there was this morning um on the ITV program  the factual well supposedly factual um newsy type of morning program whatever it's called don't even  know what it's called because I don't watch it um might even be called this morning is it I have no  idea no idea yeah but I was just watching and going seriously really and understanding how  how subliminally influencing and manipulating when the reporting news is supposedly independent news  is supposedly suppose supposed supposedly factual and it's not and they interviewed a guy and the  guy that they interviewed was talking about um the police and his guy that's worked all his life in  this place and he's retired and he was talking from his experience which is fabulously coherent  made sense in terms of they were criticizing the um the police um which when you criticize the  police that that word is a small word but the amount of people underneath it is huge and the  people that watch this morning are the people that they're connected to are the Bobbies on the beat  and so the whole thing was kind of like criticizing but it's it shouldn't be critic  it should be criticizing the strategy of how things are not operating and that's  management level but it wasn't it was so geared to kind of get people to be  dissatisfied with the police not solving the small crimes and it's not it's the hierarchy  the police that they love solving crimes they love it you know have you ever solved a puzzle  and it's like oh that feeling is great but I was just so gobsmacked by how blatant the  manipulation was and it was really interesting that the guy was asked so in an interview  a person is asked a question unexpected to answer now I know we did that podcast on  questions questions are just so powerful but if you ask if you load up do not atomicorn  Tommy Gun is yeah right okay so if you think about you've got a single pistol shooting one question  then you've got a Tommy gun that goes question question question question so if you're being  interviewed and somebody asks you a question question question whoa your mind gets blown  yeah because your mind tries to de-scramble it all and work out well what do I answer  and normally what people answer is the last bit because the mind hears the first question  though it's Ash is here there everywhere blah blah blah and and if a person's not confident  then they're even more easily manipulated because they will only hear the last bit  the rest of the mind will seem to have not even heard the first 30 seconds or whatever  and it's a real clever trick because it's putting out information for the audience that's listening  and watching putting out statements that get into their subconscious and then all of that and then  the last question gets answered and so it's it's the Tommy Gun questioning effect that subliminally  influences when it's only the final question that gets answered and beautifully this guy who clever  and he's comfortable because he you talk to people like this in his life and he's not phased by being  on television or you know and he just basically said um that wasn't a question that was a lecture  and then he went and talked about what he and I thought good on you yeah but I was so taken  aback by how blatant the subliminal influencing is and how unreal it is so it's kind of like you're  wooden and that isn't even your question you're just reading what somebody's told you and you're  both topics and I I just saw it as so obvious but if people are watching it all the time it won't  be obvious to them it'll be the norm so I think I think we are probably moving into maybe um a time  where people are going to be breaking away and going hang on a minute I want to start thinking  for myself again yeah because it's so rewarding to just be able to independently think and questions  listeners go and listen to that podcast again on on the questions asking ourselves questions  is the most powerful thing we can do such as what is it best for me to do for me right now what is  it that can can take me one step towards my goal yeah I've got a great big list of things to do  what is it I need to do talking before about the um the frog eating the Frog so it's a great book  um it's got a yellowy cover and a green frog on it I don't remember the name of it but it  might be just called eat the Frog and basically it's like a lot of the time we might have a list  of things to do and it might be work or it might be home it's like oh I don't want to do that one  hello I'll do the easy ones first yeah and then next day oh we still don't want to do that one  I'll do the easy ones and I can get fulfillment doing the easy ones but the book They're saying  the big horrible ones eat that frog get it over and done with yeah yeah because then  everything else after that is easy yeah and when we're when and this is our our Saboteur  we'll hold ourselves back and that holding ourselves back can affect the whole list  of things that we're trying to achieve because we're trying to avoid that one task no grab it by  the horns and do it the thing pick up the phone so an awful lot of people in this day and age  believe it or not are uncomfortable phoning people especially if they're expecting that the other  person's not going to be pleasant or they're going to be upset or you know I've got to phone you and  let you let you know that something's gone wrong with your order or you know I can't come to dinner  or whatever it might be an awful lot of people are scared of picking up the phone and it's like no  come on let's get back we love to communicate we do love to communicate so let's get back into it  let's have our own thought processes being our own let's have that independent thinking that fluidity  in the moment where we can deal with any situation whether somebody's um upset with us or upset  with something else or not let's be resourceful because when we're resorful it feels great so I  think that we're coming out of a time where a lot of people not just over the Christmas time have  been in this fatigued slump and I think there's the Awakening up and and linking frogs to frogs  you know I wish I could plan this no I could I should maybe no I don't know so going from  eat the first frog in the morning okay talking of frogs that old little little story how do you boil  a frog okay if if you want if you try and put it in boiling hot water it'll either sense the Steam  and and struggle and jump away or put the toe in it it'll jump away but if you just get it relaxed  and resting you can turn up the heat so by the time it's boiling it can't jump out and so I think  we we've been through the last few years where we've all been the frogs that have got comfortable  that have got so comfortable both in our mind and physically it's not good for us being active is  good for our health our immune system so we want to be active gets all the moving Parts working and  I think that the few years that we've had that we've really become that that frog and we're  we're going to go not doing this anymore and when we shake off and refresh and get us that feels  great feels great to be independent I often say um when people have retired so often people have  this belief as well I can't wait to retire well what are you going to do I'm going to do nothing  it's like well yeah maybe for a week I'd hit that the prospect of doing nothing forever  couldn't cope with that but a lot of people because of their belief is you work so hard  and then you do nothing now I've come across an awful lot of people who whose retirement  has done that and that has really disabled them both physically mentally you know a lot of people  a lot of people don't learn how to operate so a lot of people as well if they're watching  television are going to be um brainwashed by the adverts so for example you know Alzheimer's advert  um dementia adverts and telling you the one in ten I don't know what the numbers are to be quite  honest but let's say for example it's one in ten people are going to get Dementia or Alzheimer's  it's like well if I think of me and nine friends they haven't got it so it must be me so then I'll  be on the lookout for any time I can't remember something and then I'll put myself down that path  oh my gosh this is and then I'll panic and then the more I panic the more my mind closes down  and is not able to remember things so then more I'll be convinced that I've got this as a problem  and that can happen that if we've got more time doing nothing we've got more time of our minds  ruminating and creating problems that don't need to even be there and I love for example people  with memory just teaching them how to use their eyes how to ask their mind the questions in the  right way and it's amazing how instantly their memory improves it's like oh my gosh it's like  no I'm not a witch you're just asking yourself the right questions and your eyes are looking  in the right place and so we want to get to understand that one big Saboteur is doing nothing  because the more we do nothing some doing nothing is lovely but we want to make it we want to  protect it so that it always is that lovely half an hour an hour maybe and then okay what do they  because doing doing doing doing is is brilliant it just energizes us it makes us interesting as  people so again in my work there's an awful lot of people that want to meet people and have friends  and have a relationship it's like well you know you know that whole um if you want if you want  a really great friend and there was a vitamin that would enable it what would that vitamin be so if you want a great friend do you want a great friend or a great partner  the vitamin is B1 no it's so true in it you are you attract what you are like lucky your  closest people around you and that's a reflection of well not no yes and no I  have to disagree with you then I'm ladies and gentlemen I'm pointing my finger yes and no  because what was it you just said they say look look at you yeah no no the people that you attract  you can be a really wonderful confident caring smile accepting non-judgment person yes you will  come and connect with other people that are like that but you'll also attract those that not in  your league yeah yeah or opposite like opposites attracts like what you're lacking subconsciously  you see in someone else and vice versa and then that's how you end up together because you you  you're seeing that thing on a subconscious level I'm this you're that I don't have that  you don't have this and you come together and most of the time that doesn't work sometimes  it can work but I do think when you look at like people around you you're like five closest people  I do think that will show you the direction of your life if you choose to stay there and that's  what I was saying before about what we were saying about relationships people that might not be good  for you in in life yeah this is one thing I wanted to say like we get to wake up and be whoever we  want to be but we get locked into these stories of oh I'm James the musician the guy that makes  music what if I don't want to do that anymore what if in 10 years time I want to do something  completely different go and raise elephants in Thailand yeah I can do that and this is what we  don't realize that when we get locked into these characters it's just a character you don't have  to be this person for the rest of your life and I think that's what we get scared of and that's  what we lock ourselves into you don't have to have that same friendship group if it's not serving you  in the best way possible you don't have to have that job if it's not serving you in the best way  possible I know it's not easy for some people you know to go and find work and bring money in  but we get to design this thing whilst we're here and you know some people's lives are way more  difficult than others some people can't see how they would change that thing to create this new  thing but there is always a way and these lives that we seem like and feel like we're locked into  you can change that at any point but people can't until they realize what The Saboteur is  yeah exactly that's one thing one simple label on a big group big powerful group of saboteurs  that people have is fear yeah yeah they're the things that stop people doing things is a fear  because something might have there might be a consequence yeah so if say for example I've  got a belief that who do you think you are which I heard a lot in my childhood who do you think  who does she thinks she is I heard that an awful lot in my childhood and so therefore try things  and then the fear might be that people will look down at me and laugh at me because I was trying  to be something that I shouldn't be and so that that's a fear that's a fear that I may be judged  so a judgment fear of judgment is a massive want to change because the reality is not everyone's  going to like you because that's how that's how that's how humans are some will love you and you  will love them some will love you and you won't like them and some just won't like you at all  it's happy it's how it is and when we can relax with that but the fear is having a go what what  is the what's the worst that can happen it might go right it might go wrong and if it goes wrong  what's the worst that can happen I don't learn something but if it goes right wrong so I've had  things that have gone wrong it's like oh but goals if not it's like well I'm glad that didn't happen  because otherwise I wouldn't have taken this path I wouldn't have taken these steps but at the time  I was like no I want that goal it's not there and you're always in the right place always if that  thing didn't work for you that was yeah that was meant for you yeah to not work and it's shifting  that mindset of oh I failed at that no you didn't you tried it did not work that didn't mean it  failed it didn't work that thing that didn't work as you expected but that could be the thing that  gives you the building block for the next bigger idea where you look back on reflection like you  said and got uh that's why that didn't work because that was supposed to be the spark the  ignition for this idea which has taken me in this direction which is more where I wanted to go or I  never even thought I'd be here and I think that's such a big thing we we're so scared at doing  things and even something is you know simple as me starting this podcast right where am I gonna shoot  it well I don't have anywhere to record it at the moment at the time my back was bad so I couldn't  physically move equipment and set up and say hey Maureen so what was your fear in that one so I  want us all to get really familiar with the fear thing so what was your fear my fear in that is  I've done well in terms of being a musician going into the world of like professional  musicians seeing the big lights and everything done on a huge production scale so I know what  that feels like right I know what budget and energy and time and team and people surrounding  that's what you need to have something huge so we all want something to look amazing from  the off yeah we don't want something to be and so if you don't what's the fear the fear is it  not being presented as well as I can see it in my mind okay and if it's presented in the way  that is not as it could be in your mind what's the fear what might what's the consequence what  might happen it's not gonna work or people are looking at this like oh that is [ __ ]  okay so if it's not gonna work how come it's not gonna work what's the fear behind that I suppose it would just be doing something and and having no one listen or what children if nobody  listens or watches what's the risk for me it's about helping people so be like oh so you can't  help people so what's the risk see what I'm doing yeah right down so behind everything are so so  you are used to the big beautiful Productions that take an awful lot result like operate that way so  it's like yeah you've been part of that world that says how what what it takes and also knowing how  people will make a judgment um and how people can be critical because people can be because that's  the nature some people and so there's a fear of I won't be able to do my best my best job  so what what if the the so it's like it might just be a mediocre job but what if your mediocre job is  successful and great this is the switch and also it's like well if it's not who is going to judge  us maybe those that are very highly tuned in terms of production and they'll be looking at  the production Factor rather than the content so that's the sadness so they're looking at is like  yeah but that's not what's important because what's important about your podcast is not the  beautiful background and the the great lights or whatever what's important is the content  yeah but we can have all of these fears around all of these things and and they can hold us back and  so there are some people that won't do anything until luckily it's not you and I don't mean that  disrespect that's true a lot of people won't do anything until it hits that level of perfection  and it's kind of we've lost sight of what we're actually trying to achieve what are we trying  to achieve it's content and how does that look you know there's been and and often people will  will drive people to focus in on the imperfections why do you do that if you want to hide them from  he said why do people do that they do you know it's like some people can't take a compliment  it's like oh you've got a lovely jumper on Maureen oh no not this old thing it's got a  stain on it's like oh stain and now they're all focused on the stain and now I feel really bad  because everybody's focused on the stage yeah you know why do we do that because we we can't  receive a compliment how come because somewhere in my past I've been taught that it's wrong you know  dependent on what been taught how where whatever to be you know I was brought up a Catholic so that  there were so many mixed messages in that um to you know if you get a compliment people say that  you look nice or whatever that means that you're Vain and vain vanity is a sin which means you're  bad and you'll go to hell and so all of that gets confused so it's easy it's better to reject  um and stay away from anything that might be complementary and undo it so somebody gives me a  compliment Undo It unwrap it quickly throw it back so that I will not end up in Hell well now we're  grown up now I know that hell may not actually exist in the way that I was taught and so it's  safe for me to just go relax and if people take me as I am right and if they don't oh for me I  get curious I don't get offended offended anymore I don't feel judged anymore I get curious oh okay  so your your face can't smile like me your face is giving me daggers I wonder what that's all about  I wonder what's going on within you that can't just relax in this moment and sometimes it if  not all the times it's sadly about their issues if we were all able to just relax  and just be ourselves and just totally no matter what we say or what we do like when  we were small children it all works it's like watching the cats jumping all over each other  and falling all over each other and one of them walking through the water one of them  standing in the food tray whilst eating that they are very young and eating that it's like are they  being judged or ridiculed for doing it no no doing it and if if that was little babies in  the wild looking after themselves and they'd do that is there any criticisms no they're just and  they'll learn how to do things better because they'll learn it's like oh yeah I don't want  my feet to be wet or oh yeah I don't want you know squidgy stuff between my toes um and so we want to  unravel as much as we can what holds us back when it comes to fears we want to we want a question  gonna connect with ourselves and know when there may be a fear so if there's something that would  be good for us to do but we're holding it back and that can be a simple to say no to somebody  as well as okay I'm gonna go and ask somebody for a big break or you know an opportunity  um what is it that's and get familiar with asking a question because it's not real yeah  it's actually not real it's a magic spell that's not there it's not real so it could be I'm scared  of picking up the phone and asking a person it's like what am I scared of they might be rude to  me okay so if they're rude to me what is it I'm scared of because I can always put the phone down  I just feel so bad why will you It's like because he's like well what if you you we can and we can  learn so much and so we want to understand that fear and then have the empowered Choice  don't want it or don't I want to do I need to have it will it be good if it's not there  and there might be a fear that if it's not there then you might even achieve more goals because the  thing I remember I was um princess trust mentor and there was this wonderful girl lovely lovely  girl from very working class beginnings and um her family culture was benefits but she had a little  child and she wanted to create a better life for this child and so she worked in Greggs the um the  bakery and looked around and she had had a degree she got a degree clever girl and she thought hmm  I can do this this is easy and so she decided to set up her own sandwich business from her small  terraced house from a kitchen and because of her um background in terms of health and safety at  home there was an awful lot for her to learn and she went and she got a grant so she went and got  herself a little van and she knew how to make sandwiches because they did that in in Greg's  and she made a start and she'd guess what the hardest bit about that is because she thought  right okay I'll go to all the offices and and tell them that I'm doing the sandwiches  and they can phone me I can make them and then I can go and deliver them brilliant  because they'll pay more than and it's more convenient for them to go than going to Gregg's  so that was a business plan which was a great little plan nice and simple great little plan  and the hardest job of all of that was going to the corporates going into the offices and selling  so for a lot of people selling is such a difficult thing and it's one of the best things that people  can actually get to learn in life how to sell how to sell themselves how to negotiate and how  to win an indigo how to influence people in in a beautiful way because there's so much of it going  on we want to learn it so we can protect ourselves as well as so that we can be a success in the  areas of our work and life where you know success is there but what stopped her goal being real was  the culture of her family and friends she hadn't even made a profit  and she was getting from the mood as she thinks she is who does she think so she was getting so  she was being ridiculed she was you know they were even you know while she was there a present would  be um talking and talking about her to each other not including her in not a nice way and that was  enough to stop her goal because had she gone on and become successful The Saboteur would have  had to cut The Saboteur was if you're going to be successful you're going to have to cut cord with  all these people that are not supportive of you in your life and that your family and your friends  and that was it she had a fear of detaching away from relationships that hurt her yeah and and  that's it and we're often taught blood is thicker than water well some blood is great and some blood  is poisonous and so we we are allowed to have the choice of if it's not working for me do you know  what I'm allowed to go and and go to a place where I can Thrive where I can feel good where I can be  appreciated where I can be just just supported and just to you know because it's lovely to support  somebody you know somebody that you care about we should always support you know and so that  that spoiled her goal where she is now I don't know because it must be over 10 years ago now  but that's it and it's understanding okay what am I fearful of I'm fearful that I'll  have to break away from my family now if we ex okay so if you were to break away from  your family what would you actually miss let's look at it positives and negatives  let's look at the positives that you get from your family and let's look at the negatives  and often when you go and look at the negatives it's like okay take yourself out of the picture  your child and she did have a child but we can do this for any child that we care about  if they were in that situation what would be the best thing for their healthiest happiest  most fulfilling future what is it that they should do and sometimes when we go to that  outside perspective and look down we can see sometimes what we don't like to see  which is the best things that we can do for ourselves yeah so it's it's it's fabulously  complex but what we want to be able to do is ask ourselves a question what's stopping me what's  stopping me what is it I'm scared of if that happens what's the consequence what's the risk  and that's what we want that's what we we want to be getting really skillful at doing and the more  we do that the more we're going to achieve and the more we'll we'll we achieve the better it is  and we've also got as well people that become incredibly successful so I've had people over  the years who have been for example in business incredibly successful and then they sabotage it  completely they ruin it they spoil it so in business it can get you know very financially  successful then all of a sudden they'll just make the biggest wrongest decisions that make them go  bankrupt or forces them to close and that goes back what in my experience of working with people  that goes back to sometimes and this wide variety of things that could it could be like you can't  be more successful than your sibling because that would be wrong because everyone should be equal  and it's like well when we were children everything's fair and equal well it often isn't  but fair and equal and so when when you're coming um an adult if you're still applying that rule you  might sabotage because you can't Step Ahead yeah so there's loads of reasons why people do and  people need to understand themselves and that's what we're not very good at generally speaking  getting to know ourselves and ask ourselves the right questions so it's not just on the side of  self-sabotage trying to be successful it can work on the other side where you are really successful  and yourself sabotage I think the biggest thing that I took from what you just said was  making a stop and I can only apply this to this thing we're doing now because it's  something I start we've started recently and continued with it's not been an easy Journey  to record juggle life edit release the podcast do another one in two weeks have long conversations  with various people and keep that train moving yeah it's been quite testing at times where  you've got life coming at you and work coming at you and you know you're juggling other things  and there's definitely been that voice that goes just do one season and be done just do  10 episodes and be done you've not got time for this and I I hear it I might be in the shower  I might be just finished editing a podcast I might just uploaded one being like ah not recorded the  next one yet need to get it done and that voice goes Jay just do one season whoa and I go ah okay  that's the challenge that's the Comfort Mr Comfort say hi Mr Comfort Mr Comfort Zone the conversation  and I realized that if we can use that voice as the Challenger oh so you think I can't do this  thing but on the other the other side of it is the feedback that I'm getting and this is why I would  urge people to start the thing you've wanted to do yeah because sometimes when we do the thing and  then get out of our own way it's when people like yourself which will give me honest feedback I've  had other people who are friends other people Beyond friends say you know from our episodes  this is like the first time I've had actual therapy okay so this I'm doing the right thing  then yeah but feedback from other people you know you're inspiring me to start a podcasting Journey  myself you inspiring me to do this and then I realized it's it's just those little things  that make you realize that it's about starting and if I would have said filming a podcast from  pretty much my living room that's rubbish on a phone with two lights that's not what I want to  do but I realized that yeah but what if you look back on that thing in five years time  and go oh I started that podcast in my living room just me and Maureen first few episodes you can't let yourself talk yourself out of something you've not even tried you are the  main character nobody say you can't but people do people do so we want to avoid yeah we want  to avoid talking ourselves out of things we want to avoid and and question the voice what you said  about other people then other people's input which might not be positive for you does he  think he is a podcast or not okay let's see how that goes but I know the work I've done in my  life I know the knowledge I've accumulated I know people like yourself I know really  interesting people with great life experiences and stories let's just bring them together have  a conversation try and level up the world a little bit because I know a lot of interesting people and  they've got great knowledge so let's see what we can do with that but if I had a lot of negative  people around me or you listen a lot of that's illusion fear is illusion it's stuff we tell  ourselves it doesn't even exist yeah but we're the main characters nobody else exists in your  life if you're not here nobody's here if you go everyone goes we're the production directors yeah  we're we're you know we we're everything in this thing so you can listen to influence and negative  or positive but I just think get started and when that doubt creeps up see it as a challenge because  it's easy to start something and stop something yeah it's a lot harder to start something and  keep it going yeah and until it becomes easy until it until it's really you do become really easy and  that's the thing you know it's like people wanting to have confidence you know listeners have a think  about your confidence right now measure it not tan not not at all 10 couldn't be better we want it  to be up there 10 couldn't be better and if it's not there have that as your new goal I am going  to go and get great confidence and then listen to any inner chatter it's like oh if I did that it's  like oh go and analyze what your mind's doing oh if I did get that what would happen happen What  would I be scared of what would be the big fear if I had loads of confidence and a lot of people for  example think they're going to be obnoxious they're going to change into a monster that  people won't like and it's not the truth at all and so we want we want to get really comfortable  with being ourselves unravel all the stuff from the past yeah that's wired us and we don't need  it we can just totally look at rewiring and if the old ways you'll get you'll enjoy the new ways but  if you don't like them you can always go back to your old habits that destroy your life [Laughter]  because it's true because you can do that but you won't want to because when you when you're  empowered when you've got Choice when you can look at possibility both within yourself and within  your world then you'll create Magic yep so true and and that is that is the magic of life isn't it  yeah you know we are an incredible sophisticated being we want to learn how to get the best out of  it we are the Alchemists we can create something out of nothing and I feel like a lot of us  feel like we don't have that magic within us you are by design a creative you were put here  to create build grow nurture things even if it's food from the earth or whatever or tools out of  Earth's resources we're here to be creators so if we were sat looking at you know a tree going  could I use that on this fire for fuel imagine talking yourself out of that yes I don't expect  trainer that's a big truth now what about the branches oh no the tap two eye up how would  I fall ever have evolved exactly look at where we're at and it's allowing that it's like these  voices see them as a a servant of challenge yeah rather than a an understand how we have been so  influenced so you know I think I don't know who sent it to me there was a little video might have  been a tick tocky type thing um of fleas in a jar have you seen that yeah I've seen this  yeah so so the fleas it's like oh I put them in the jar and they all want to jump out they  all want to jump out but then you put a lid on them and then they give up they give up jumping  then when you take the lid off they're completely lost the understanding and the desire to jump out  so we want to recognize that we want to reignite are jumping muscles so that we can actually get  to where we want we want to get into our what is that what is freedom to us what is freedom  and how do I become my best self and my happier self what is it that's going to make the happiest  I've noticed this year Christmas time first ever how many people are so not gift oriented  not interested not bothered I've noticed eyes were you I've never known it like this before and I've  even had friends um some friends who who want one lady who's so special to me and she said I'm  so sorry I've not sent you a card and I text back saying I'm glad you haven't because postal workers  are on strike it when I got here you'd have wasted your money because there's nothing worse than  sending and then it's arriving late and yeah and whatever so it's like no I'm proudly and I think  we should um create a let's let's use in just very much as we put up remember the person that sent  it to us last year but there's so many people that just because we've got we've got more than we need  it's so true we've got so much more and things just don't have the same excitement I mean maybe  gifts around Christmas time are actually designed for the children because you know my friends and  people that I care about I can tell them that I care about them that the value that I love them  yeah I can doesn't have to be done with a candle very true and I thought the other day when I was  rummaging through this covered getting like Christmas paper out from last year and just  getting all the bits you need for Christmas out of that place that goes there for the rest of  the year and don't even look at it it's I just had a father so what if everyone just didn't do  Christmas presents this year I bet you could solve like world hunger yeah if everyone just donated  what you'd spend for your Christmas presents I know that's a good idea idealistic view but  that's I'm sure it would be billions and I know these billions out there billionaires are going  to end world hunger but I thought it's just nuts what we do every year I know and and most of it  goes to landfill yeah but I suppose that's the the nature but if you imagine okay so imagine  okay so right James imagine you're 10 years earlier and it's like okay you're not gonna buy  any presents and the money that you would normally spend on presents let's call it 400 pounds that  400 pound you're gonna give to help world hunger or even help I'm very in tune now with  um abandoned animals you're gonna give that it's like what the chaos that would go around  in a lot of people's minds if you knew everyone was doing it though like it was an agreed thing  yeah but then it's a fashion we don't want to follow a fashion we want to do it for truth  yeah yeah we want to do it but if everyone did it at the same time with that genuine content  like how much we could actually change the world and how we could just celebrate it and just but  we you know there's a long way before we go yeah yeah there's there's an awful lot of complications  when it comes to that because it's like well who's going to manage that money so straight  away Minds who's going to manage that much knowing knowing you can like some of the things that go on  um kind of like you can be trusted with that it's like um but yeah you can I would do it  at a local level yeah but um yeah it is but I've noticed it this year that so many people  have just been not materialistic at all I think it goes back to what you said people are now going to  be breaking away from things that have you know how to hold over them for so long Traditions that  have been there which we can see Traditions are crumbling away in society but also the way we are  programmed in society I believe next year we are going to have a super powerful year in terms of  a lot of people waking up a lot of people going through spiritual Transformations however that  looks in your journey people are going to start having realizations and we're all just slowly  going to be doing this and while we're doing this everything that we've experienced in the world  over the past few years is going to start trying to bring us back down because we're in a we're in  a place of evolution look at this it's a podcast yeah this medium here allows two humans we're not  famous we're not celebrities but we're here in the world and we're somebody we're people we're  famous for someone we've we know people we've got things to say just because we don't have a huge  Spotlight doesn't mean we don't know stuff we can share information and put it out into the world  yeah and if 50 people or 100 000 people listen we're changing mindsets through conversation  yeah that's the power we have as yeah humans and once we realize this we all start going together  I think we're going to shift into a new time and this is why these conversations are so important  people learning about self-sabotage because it is now the time to change yeah and grow and  shift because whilst you're doing it other people are doing it as well and if we all do it together  we'll start shifting out of this dense existence that I feel like we've had  for centuries now yeah even longer yeah so I feel like we are in a transitional period that  these conversations is the good work and I mean if we're helping it's the age or saying yeah  you've got to help yourself before you can help other people oh yeah so you've done the work I'm  doing the work I've done the work I'm still doing the work it's another it's a never-ending job and  now we can have these conversations and put it out to people yeah and and also getting maybe you know  ladies and gentlemen listen to this again and make key notes of the the important things that we've  said like for example asking ourselves questions um what's stopping me what might I be scared of  and also when it comes to goals it's like I couldn't do that that question which I use  a lot of the time because it's a real pattern intro what if you can well if you can what if  you can yeah what if you can make your own dreams come true what if you can is it worth the effort  and of course it must be yeah what if you can regardless what other people might say what if  you can and then that's just one one step when you've achieved that and you want to look up to  the next step what if you can what if you can and then all of a sudden you're in a totally different  life that you have empowered that you have created and designed and so while a lot of people taking  these steps upwards it's like oh scary I'm gonna fall no it's fine because if you do you know how  to step back up again yeah you know it's like in in the past when I've um coach people that  um in business they started started from scratching they built it they've been through  the real tough stuff and built it so when it goes wrong they know what they go back a few  steps and they know what to do versus somebody that's inherited a business very successful  business or struck lucky and had a very good easy piece of luck that made the business go  really great yeah then when it hits trouble they can't they haven't got what it takes to fix it  and so even the the toiling steps the hard work steps the teaching us all the time and they will  help protect us in the future as well so we want to embrace even if things aren't off okay no  it's temporary and what is it I can do right now that's just going to improve me my world my life  and just listen to your mind yep I feel like that's a great way to round this up  I want to say thank you to Maureen Maureen's here on her free time giving gems out of pure  love and dedication and I'm aware of your time because you've got a client  in 40 minutes which is paid where Maureen is a professional she has these conversations for  a living and gets paid for it and she's coming to us and our community life is sound and she's  dropping gems for free so we really appreciate your time Maureen and I know the listeners have  really enjoyed your episodes and got a lot from it this is only the start this is what episode nine  this one feels like we've done way more than Nine episodes but we're gonna keep this rolling if you  want to support the podcast you can do there's a link in the description it takes a lot of time  and effort to do this it's not about money but we're going to build this into something special  I want to thank Maureen for her time make sure you follow the podcast on all platforms and the  biggest thing that you can do is Click Share and send this to someone who you feel like just might  need that conversation about self-sabotage and stopping themselves from their own abilities and  things that they want to achieve but thanks to Maureen appreciate you remember no matter  what you're going through in life life is good life is sound and we'll see you on the next one