007 | What Is Self Love? w/ Laura BamBam

hello good people and welcome back to life is sound I've got a great guest with me today this  is the first person who I actually don't know that is on the podcast dedicating the time so  I'm super grateful for that and today we've got Laura Bambam she is I will let her describe what  she is but from what I know is like self-love specialist and somebody who I know that I'm  gonna connect in a great way with so Laura if you want to introduce yourself say hello to  listeners and let's get into it hi hi everyone so yeah thank you for that introduction my love  um so yeah I am a self-love coach and but I'm also a combo practitioner yoga teacher and and  just all around on my own journey of self-love and self-development that I'm just trying to  share with everyone around me and how far into that Journey are you at the moment oh how long  is a piece of strange whole life life whole life whole life time yeah for sure like I'd say I'm a  good 10 years deep yeah um but you know it took me to get to the depths of the picks so actually  wake up to even starting the journey so you know the what do they call it like the the dark the the  dark before the storm yeah you know like I had to go into a really dark place which in itself  I think was still part of the journey you know I had to lose my mind on on some sort of narcotic yes I lost my mind on acid in Goa significantly yeah um everyone looked like they were Dead  skeletons running at me um and I think it was because I had such a fair around this idea of  God and everyone around me at the time was talking about spirit and God and I was just  in such a dark negative space that I just thought everyone was just following a fight and they were  just on a trend and it was really dark then we went out one night and I took loads of acid and  um took more acid and more acid and I never had never had it before well that was your first time  had eight tabs because I just didn't have a clue of the concept of how strong they are yeah and  then all of a sudden everyone looked like Dead skeletons running at me and it was literally  the scariest thing that ever happened to me but it cracked something open inside of me to  so that there needs to be something more to this life to this world to myself  and um yeah it really started my journey so what was the next day like after that like  having that experience was it like everything just completely looked different forever or was  it like after that like a gradual transition to becoming like the person you are today no it was  dark for a little while it really was um so I was supposed to been go off for about another week and  I literally had to get on a flight home straight away to hug my mum because it was the only person  that I would have felt safe within that moment like everything felt quite scary yeah uncertain  um so it wasn't like an immediate Thing by no means like it's one thing I will say is that  the Journey of self-love and self-healing in all the modalities for me I truly believe it's  not an easy path like you know it's somewhat easier to be ignorant I think to looking at  yourself and exploring yourself because when you dive into yourself you've got to look at all the  icky bitsy yourself too yeah so at the beginning you know it was difficult it was dark and then I  found certain books and certain teachers I found yoga and that opened me up a little bit and then  you know then I started seeing these bits of me that I didn't like because I was meeting  these amazing teachers who were really loving and really caring and I was seeing like how  selfish I was and how mean I was and you know bits but I didn't want to see that about myself  um so yeah it's been a journey it definitely has its dark bits but you know it's been more than  worth it that I'd say where I am now compared to where I was then it's I'm a whole different human  yeah like I'm not the same person if I could have a conversation with me from back then  like that would actually be really interesting because it would be two totally different people  having a conversation like I could not fathom then all of what I know and all of what I've  experienced now like that's actually a really yeah that's actually a really cool thought  yeah those things if we'd be able to do them it's and like I just said to you before we  started this podcast that's what I'm open to now knowing that the version who I am today  there will be a different me in the future and I think I feel like we forget that sometimes now now  we're on like a path of this self-awareness and like the journey it's knowing that we're still  not a final version of ourselves especially at the ages that that we're at it's being open to  growing even more but if I could go back and have a conversation with a 21 year old me  it would be like if if I knew who I was going to be now at this point that guy  would be like come on you're joking I'm like no no that's who you're going to be and it  would be such an interesting thing to be able to do that and just be open to the people that  we're yet going to become do you know what I mean that's that's the journey in it and sometimes it  does take those dark events in your life no matter how the trauma has come like obviously you know  having that that trip on acid in Goa as cliche as that sounds like something some people like  ah but it doesn't matter how it comes it and you know even to like leave early to you know to get  back to your mum it's not a um a short trip back from gore that's a long journey of life  thinking about what the hell has just happened to be honest some people were still looking dead  on that day anyway it was intense yeah it was intense that is scary but sometimes we have  to see reality in a different way to realize that it's not all what we just perceive this existence  to be and some people might not arrive at that in the whole lifetime and some people might be  listening to this conversation and already checked out like yeah I don't know what you  guys are on about but for me it is it's being open to things that you don't understand and  listening to people's stories and seeing what you can get from it and I feel like people are  now starting to connect in different ways and like we were just briefly talking like before  people are like waking up but the term waking up has been hijacked I think like you know the word  walk has got such a negative connotation to it now that I try and avoid that word like how do  we show people the way without using these words that have been hijacked but I think people are now  arriving at similar places from different you know locations and Journeys and realizing that uh we're  all going through something similar but different so when I hear a story like that it's like for me  it's like oh that's how you got there oh and then you compare it to your own and you realize that  people are on a journey but what would you say that what made you realize that this was the path  after that what made you start doing the things like that I'm doing like yoga oh let me go and  try yoga maybe that will work yoga for me was I had back issues and I yeah I'd heard through the  grapevine that yoga could really help me um and so I went into yoga for the physical practice yeah  um and it was just through having really beautiful teachers who brought like the the values of yoga  into the space like yoga is so much more than a physical practice it's about being a good person  it's a whole way of life and it was just like these little golden nuggets of information that  teachers were just dripping I was I felt like I got drip fed yeah to my past you know a little  bit like Hansel and Gretel got the crumbs and I was like I literally feel like I've had if I look  back at my life like it started slowly slowly and I think one of the things I would love to  share with your listeners is it's really easy in this day and age to compare yourself to the  journeys of others and to what you see on social media I.E you know if you've not tried yoga before  if you've not tried meditating and you see people on social media in these like really fancy poses  or supposedly sitting in meditation for hours at a time or you know eating a completely vegan diet or  like being on a complete sober path whatever it is my biggest invitation to listens is to not compare  themselves like try their best not to compare themselves it's really easy to slip into that  like we all do it like we're human but the reality of it is like we don't know what anyone's Journey  has been to get to that point but also what we see on social media is just a pretty glossed  over version of probably what's got that person to that place you know I'm probably guilty of  this you know you look on my social media and I've definitely got lots of happy pictures on there and  things like that but the reality of it is I've been through a lot of trauma in my life that  has made me who I am as a person and has made me want to explore these things and you know I have  dedicated a lot of my a lot of my well the last 15 years of my life to wanting to connect with  Spirit connect with myself deeper myself love like I've committed to this and that was a choice of  mine and I'm not saying that that's what everyone needs to do because we all have a different path  you know for some people it can be music you know they they get lost in like learning an instrument  or singing or listening to musical whatever it is and that can be their meditation that can be  their practice that connects them with themselves like it comes in so many forms and I think finding  one but I'm so going off on a tangent there but I think so finding what sets your heart on fire  and what doesn't feel like a tour because I'm I'm at space now where I'll meditate when I want to  yeah whereas I used to do it every day like I had to do it like I was in the Army and it was  religious and actually I completely changed the energy around it and it became a tour yeah so I  wasn't getting the same thing out of it whereas now like if I wake up and I've got a bit of time  I'm like I want to sit with myself right now I want to meditate that's when I'll do it yeah  um same with what I'm eating like my diet isn't 100 clean but on a day where i'm in good energy  it feels good to put nutritious stuff into my body but it's taken me a while to not compare myself  to others and that you know I'll see people who were like the perfect Yogi or the perfect  Guru or whatever it may be and actually within comparing myself all I was doing was not loving  myself because we are we are exactly where we're supposed to see and I'm literally going to be full  of cliches today heads up I'm full of the cliches but the cliches are there for a reason like they  resonate deeply like we know them as truths really like yeah I think that's a today's society and the  age we're in social media is such an easy thing to fall into just like comparing like and there's  no way not to do it it's just part of our nature even without social media like we live we'll see  something and we'll assess it compared to our like map of the world and how we perceive life  but social media now is high enough and I've definitely fell into that over the years where  initially as I started to grow and get into like self-love or things that I would consider under  that like bracket you know meditation or going for a long walk and it's so easy to see people  doing things to like the gold standard like the perfect part of it and go am I that person do  I do it that good can I even do it that good and it's such a dangerous thing because it's  like I said it's easy I need to meditate every day but you realize all the time that you do it  when you need it when you really actually need it that's when you're going to get the most  benefit from and that's kind of how I operate in life now it's not beating yourself up for  you know eating that bit of bad food or not meditating in that day or you know I just need a  bit of extra time in bed today just to regenerate and not feel guilty for doing it it's these things  that you realize that is the self-love it's the small things that is self-love yeah it's the  little things it's the catch in your mind when it's being hard on yourself you know I'm sure  whoever listens to this will resonate with this like yeah no one can be more hard to ourselves  than we are than we are to ourselves you know we we're so hard in ourselves for what we eat what  we say what we've done all of these things but we're all just human and we're all just trying  our best yeah it's really easy to let the Mind get carried away with the negative chatter and  I think it's one of the most beautiful practices that you can do for yourself is like if you do  catch yourself like spiraling into a negative pattern pattern even just say to yourself okay  it's okay that my mind's just done that because I think a bit of a bit of a trap can be that when we  catch ourselves being hard on ourselves but then Harden ourselves with being hard on ourselves never thought of it like that it's so true and it becomes like this circular like yeah pattern of  like just adding more and more layers to it and like for me a trick is catching that and saying  to myself it's okay that I've just done that yeah like the reality of it is everything is  okay and one of my teachers Gina she she says you've got a hundred percent success rate up  until this point in your life like your hips still here you're still standing you're still breathing  so no matter what obstacle you've had up until this point you've actually had 100 success rate  up until this point yeah so you might not think you're doing well in life right now or you might  not be where you think you want to be but the reality is you have 100 succeeded up until now  and like you've just got to keep moving forward one step at a time and the reality of it is as  well is half the time what we think we want or we have these like certain plans for our life if  that isn't what was meant for us in life we end up with something that's a million times better  than that yeah yeah and just allowing ourselves to flow and not be so uh that pressure on ourselves  just that attachment to outcome that's what I'm relearning I've already learned is like  I've got to relearn it again it's when you when you've got that expectation to the way  things should go if that's not meant for you then it's not gonna happen and I'd say this  year for me like enter in the year like most people do right I'm gonna do this this year  I'm gonna make sure I do this for me as I always like releasing music making sure I'm  beating myself on like last year's targets and like this year I'm gonna do this this and this and  then like people in my immediate family got really sick and that just derailed my whole year kind of  and then I've got like you know back problems and that's physically you know slowing me down and all  these things I'm like 2022 was not the year that I thought it was going to be but I'm exactly where I  need to be so at the moment I'm seeing it as like you know the metaphor of an arrow being pulled  back I feel like I'm in that place now where I'm back growing gathering information yeah life's  difficult and I'm going through it but I know it's gonna put me in the place exactly where I need to  be where we're so used to being going our life so [ __ ] right now is you know I can't cope I can't  deal with this everyone's life on social media is better than mine seen people on nights out or that  person can walk normally and it's all these little bits that you've got to keep that awareness of  but it's just knowing that you are exactly where you need to be and I think the key is to make sure  you're still like you said doing the small things to at least know that you're not just sat there  you know completely like oh my life's over this is the worst thing ever that's happening to me it's  just doing those small things knowing that if you can handle these situations think how great  life will be when things are going smooth you know what I mean yes I actually have thoughts  and feelings around injuries um so you know if you've had a back problem this year that's  going to have slowed you down so I actually believe that everything happens it's supposed  to happen and you know I say that even having lost my mum so I I know that my mum had to die  for that sounds so harsh but yeah I know I had to experience my mom's death for for me to experience  the growth that I've experienced since then that is the most traumatic thing that's happened to me  yeah the most painful thing that's ever happened to me and I have genuinely come to a place of  acceptance over that because I recognize that through her death I learned so much you know and  you know the film by Will Smith uh collateral Beauty yeah so like that whole idea of like  there is Beauty in through all the collateral damage that happens there's still always beauty  that comes out of that situation so for everything that happens to us being able  to ask okay what can I learn from this how can I grow from this in all in all given situations yeah  um and I believe Sometimes When We Get Physical you know just like difficulties within our bodies  sometimes it's Spirit God's Universe whatever your belief is saying you need to slow down  you need to just check in with where you're at because actually maybe you were rushing towards  the destination that you know wasn't meant for you yeah maybe it was meant to be a different  path for you when you go in that way and Spirits like no no hold up come back this way you can't  like we said before life's a trip like we have all these plans and you can I want to do this I want  to do that but that's not where you're meant to go everything's gonna happen from the universe or  you know incidents in your life to make sure you don't go that way and like when my dad got quite  ill and I was dedicating all my time you know to him and what happened is my dad was relying  on me a lot you know to get him back into life and just get his life feeling a bit more normal  but then my back went in a way where I couldn't drive to his couldn't get to his to go and look  after him and what I realized is I needed that time for me and that actually made him click  back into a better routine by not having me there every day for him to rely on so it's just weird  how these things work that my back needed to go for me to have time and I believe it is down to  like me not support you know me supporting other people but not supporting myself so these things  emotions manifest into physical pain and make you do the thing that you need to do which is  just be with you for a minute and take some time but that knock-on effect actually got my  dad into a better place so I 100 resonate with that like the way emotions manifest in our body  and do Force us down certain paths that we didn't really expect and there's something higher than  us working at all times none of us know what it is none of us can fully like you know finalize  hates this thing but there's definitely something at play that we all like feel and like you said  those tragic things that happen in our lives those losses that completely reshape Your Existence one  of my biggest fears is losing my mum so when I hear you know you say that it it resonates  so deeply like and I've I literally feel that that loss with your life so I can only imagine  what transformation that has created like within yourself yeah it's been a journey I'm not gonna  like lost that date you feel like you're all being your whole identity has been mixed from  you so for me I know everyone's relationships different with their parents but for me me and  my mum were so close so Me growing up there was only me my mum at home like we were yeah so close  um probably intertwined we'll let you know what what you call it like a codependent relationship  I'm not gonna lie um so when she left it was like it was like half of my body was missing yeah  um and learning to re-navigate the world when that person isn't in it is a Madness you just  it doesn't feel the same anymore you don't feel like in the beginning I just felt like love wasn't  the same in the world anymore everything just felt yeah everything just felt really different  it gave me the opportunity to really see where I was at with my own self-love you I know that  sounds crazy but when the biggest part or the the biggest expression of love in this world  dies you know it does push you to look inwards it does push you to start looking at yourself  I think in the beginning I was trying to seek it all kinds of ways all kinds of unhealthy ways  with like lovers and and different things and it just made me feel more empty you know they were  never going to be able to hit their level of love that my mum could give me unconditionally  it did bring me my dad closes together you know I didn't live with my dad when I was a kid  um however because he not parented me from Young he didn't know how to be the parent  that my mum was and I think I tried putting a lot of pressure on him at first and I would get angry  and frustrated at him because he wasn't saying the right things and then but then I ended up  teaching him how to parent me he said there'll be times when I'd be wanting to cry and I would just  say to him just sit there it's fine just listen started being like the fix of my emotions and I'd  be telling him what he needed to do in that moment because he just didn't have a clue that so he  wanted to and yeah you know I love him for it but you know nothing was ever going to hit that level  of love that my mom gave me um and so yeah it just led me deeper into it just exploring different  ways of self-love like I knew that's what I needed to do um so I found lots of different practices  um went on south of course which has actually led me to now becoming a self-love coach myself  there's something really powerful in just having someone hold space for you and when I say hold  space I know that sounds a bit Airy fairy but it's just been someone having someone there to  listen to you and help you with your own process you know there's all the teachers and gurus in  the world but we are our own best teacher we are our own best healer and I truly believe that for  everyone because it's only ourselves that really knows what works for us it's only ourselves that  knows every step and every experience that we've had in our life up until this point  and I think so many people look externally for people to help them like I've done many a time  um and it's great like we can take tools from people and we can take practices from  people all day long but I think when we actually give ourselves time and space  to to be with ourselves and to nurture ourselves and nourish ourselves and  I think that's where the juicy magic is of just being able to love ourselves more yeah and  and I'm I'm truly blessed in that I've got some really amazing friends as well who you  know hold space for me you know they'll let me vent they'll let me scream they'll let me shout  or I'll mess up and they won't judge me for it or they won't stop speaking to me because maybe I've  said or done the wrong thing yeah and that's given me the opportunity for growth as well  um I just realized I've gotten up on such a tandem and it's flowing um but yeah so losing my mom was  the hardest thing but the biggest gift as long as she was here I was always someone's baby  um yeah yeah and the minute she left I had to become my own mum like my own parent an adult  yeah [Music] um yeah it changed it changed everything and don't get it twisted I'd have  a back in a heartbeat like yeah the guilt levels are unreal that you feel when you  lose someone that you love and I recognize that that's normal um and you know I try and even  within that like everything I do now I try and bring it back to like acts of self-love so like  those days where I've hated myself because of how much I've regretted maybe the way I  spoke to my mum or the way I behaved or that I didn't listen to her or whatever it may be  because there was this list as long as my arms of what yeah I feel like I would change looking back  however you know in that moment she was here and I was me and this whole levels of complexities in  all relationships whether your family whether your friends whatever it is and it's all well  good when someone dies saying that you would have done it different but had mom not died we  still would have been arguing and fighting with each other whenever that came up it's just it is  live but you know it's an opportunity to it's a cultivate more self-love a more self-acceptance  you know I'm not a bad person my mum wasn't a bad person but neither of us were perfect  yeah both had our flaws both had our things that triggered the yeah the life out of each other  and um but yes I heard times just helped me to to be able to look at all the bits of me the  bits that I love the bits that I don't love um but there's a practice that has massively helped  me on my healing Journey over my mum that I'd love to share yes um so I wrote my mum a letter  um this wasn't that long ago actually honestly it was been such a Healer for me can I just ask you  as well how long ago was it that you won past two and a half years yes yes it's not it's not  been that bad I'm still in there I'm still in it I'm definitely still in it but I am already  seeing the beauty in it for sure but I know that I've still got a journey to go for sure  um but yeah so I wrote my mum a letter where in the letter i apologized for everything that  I wanted to apologize for you know explored all of the things that I wanted to I wish I had done  different and I just got it all out on paper all of my girl all of my regrets all my upsets  how much I'm missing I literally wrote it to her as if she was going to be reading it  and um and I don't know what made me do it but I then decided to imagine that I was my  mum so like really just thought about how my mum felt about me like what I meant to her and then  I wrote a response from my mum to myself wow and I actually thought the first part I did I  thought that was where you know that's where I was going to get the healing from was just  like getting it all out of my head so I wasn't like overthinking these things all the time  but actually allowing myself to rather tune and said well I know you know when you know someone  you know what their response would be to these things so yeah like for me to give myself a time  space I actually think about what her response would have been and it was all you know don't  be stupid that wasn't that serious or don't be deaf like I don't want you to be upset I don't  want you to be feeling guilty I don't want you to be feeling like the last thing on earth my mum  would have ever wanted was for me to be holding so much guilt and regret and feeling like I was  a horrendous daughter because actually she thought it was the best daughter that she could ever had  she was so proud of me she loved me so much like you know and I was I was there letting myself be  riddled in all these feelings that would have just broke my mom's heart if she'd have actually known  that that's how I would have felt after she died yeah so actually I was doing her disservice and  myself a disservice in holding and coming around all this regretting girl there's no way she would  have wanted that and it helped lift such a weight from my shoulders um by tuning into her love um  and now I get to because I've really let myself go into that space of how she loved me I get to  give myself that love now which is just Priceless that's really powerful for someone who is like a  part of you as well because if there's anyone that you can tune into it's somebody that you  share DNA with like personality traits you know we literally come from our parents and sometimes I  when I laugh I just hear my dad and it shocks me I'm like [ __ ] that was that was my dad and it  happens more as I get older and you realize that you literally are just your parents so for you to  have that awareness to tap into that I've never heard anyone do that before like that's  really new to me and it's just triggered loads of thoughts about how powerful that actually is like  if you lose a parent someone that  you you share everything with like you come from these people and a lineage of ancestors before  them that we share treats and personality traits or little mannerisms that you might or knowingly  do that is literally like your mum would have done the same thing so to be able to tap in  and give that healing back to yourself like you said we are even though your mum's not here you  are still your mum's daughter and you you you want to hear those words from her to to know that it's  okay and you we're human the human existence is to feel everything and not get things right all  the time and it is really easy to do that and beat ourselves up and torture ourselves but you  just triggered something for me like I've spoke on this podcast like I lost my girlfriend when I was  24 so she died of um cervical cancer she was older than me she's five years older so she passed at 29  and I've had years of you know arguing or things I've said or I could have been here for a bit more  in a different way and now I'm older and I've got all this life knowledge and experience what  I could have done different as the 24 year old me who was literally a baby didn't know how to  handle that situation was just doing the best I could at that time and now I think about things  in a different way as the 36 year old me what I would have done different how I would have  dedicated my time in a different way it's a very weird time for me like professionally I was I was  in a band with my friends and we had like a record deal like huge pressure to you know  go out there and perform at home my girlfriend's battling cancer and I had to juggle the two and  it was so tough at the time I don't know how I was doing it but I had to sometimes sacrifice  being there for you know the girl that I I loved him was a huge part of my life to go  and work and keep this dream like right in and not giving up on it but also making sure I'm not  too much this way and not being there for a and I've never thought about you know  writing a letter to her and releasing over a decade of stuff that's built up so for  people listening like I'm I'm now you said that I'm gonna do that 100 that's that's so  powerful I've never thought of that I've lost grandparents and you know people around family  but Hannah was the closest person in my life that I've ever ever lost I've not touchwood lost a  parent at this point in my life but that's one of my my big fears and life is always going to come  with loss it's one thing we can't avoid if it's not us it's going to be somebody else and whilst  we're here that's the gift and unfortunately we can't be in this human experience without  experience in both sadness and joy and we can't know one without the other like you can't know  what it's like to be on this self-love Journey without going to the darkest depths that you've  ever known and I think it's such a beautiful thing when you fight when you find people like yourself  that I've gone through something and you know gone to the darkest point that only you know what that  that looks like for you I would say it's probably different for all of us like when we're in that  moment but to come out of it and work on yourself and then go you know what I'm gonna take this and  now I'm going to help people with it I feel like it's such a beautiful transition and period to see  people like yourself actually wanna right now I've learned this in such a powerful way just  sharing these little nuggets like you said you got from your teachers along the way what we fail to  realize is we now start to become the teachers for other people and like you just taught me that I'm  going to practice that that's amazing so thank you for sharing that because it's not easy to  to share but for the listeners if you guys want to try that I'll be trying it with you so on another  podcast I'll um I'll share how that's going but it is it's those those places you know like you said  I did when I lost my partner I did all the things I needed to do at that time just to get me through  it so for me it was I must have stayed in bed for I'd say four to six months just smoking weed from  the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep I was just high all day and the only thing I did  was take my dog out for a walk and when I was interacting with people I was so high that I  wasn't really engaging with humans it was just I was just doing what I needed to do to get me  through that moment of the girl who I went to spend the rest of my life with not being  around anymore the strange thing like you said losing her catapulted me onto a path  that I never thought I would have been on as as you know the 21 year old me that met her  if you would have told me this is who you'll be when you're 36 no way but he's in losing her that  triggered these events and new Pathways of thinking that actually has made me the person  that I am today collateral Beauty so when you think about again and this is the difficult thing  in life you lose someone like your mum a partner these really crucial figures in your life and  I said this on another podcast but that's not the final person so then  it's like right I've lost this I've grown I've grown from you know losing this person  and it's not like right now I'll be safe for a decade you could lose somebody tomorrow and it's  it's such a scary thought but it's knowing that if it's not you all you can do is try and take that  and transform it into something positive at the right time when you're ready and you've processed  stuff and try and help people from it because we're all heading to the same destination and  we're the the place we're at now on the planet everyone's just arguing on the way there and  we'll all go into the same place there's no other destination you can do whatever you want along the  way but at the moment we're all just screaming at each other along the way there and I'm just  at a point like let's just try and make it all a bit easier for each other and realize that  that what we're all here just doing the same thing like but I just think it's a beautiful  thing when you see people like yourself like me who are now arriving at this point in the  lives where we're like right let's take this pain and knowledge from that pain and turn it  into something positive for people and it's a very vulnerable space to be in like but it's so  needed on the planet at the moment vulnerability honesty truth and sharing with other people that  have been through powerful things and as I said to you before we started recording this is what I'm  trying to make this podcast about you know for the listeners to hear other people's experiences and  in a positive way compare it to their own and how they can take something like you just taught me  I'm going to apply that to my life and then find another person and cherry pick that little thing  and that's how you start to create your own magic it's just I like your little bit then your little  bit and I'm gonna mix my a little bit you've got your own little you know cake on the go rather  than copying someone else's cake so thank you for sharing that because it takes a lot to to do that  and what would you say like when you lost your mum when you're in that darkest space and you  know you said you were doing all the things that you knew weren't good for you and deep  down we know it but sometimes we still have to go into it because it's just what we need to do  what was the first thing that you started to step into that that you started to feel that that shift  after that that you were something clicked and you're like oh this is what I need to do more of  um one of my biggest shifts I don't know if I can say I thought I'd quickly attack uh it was  Ayahuasca no golf yeah we're here for it everyone's here everyone's here for it yeah so  um I have a friend who supports in ceremonies with ayahuasca and um she obviously knew what  I'd gone through and she offered me a place in exchange um you know they're not cheap didn't  have much money at the time because work was difficult because obviously I was going through  my loss and so yeah so it's in the kitchen in exchange and it changed everything for me so  having that experience so on my first experience I really got to feel my mum's pain when she was  in like human form so it wasn't an easy Journey you know some people see fairies and unicorns and  it's all pretty and fun mine was quite hard but again like I said earlier on you know I feel like  we have to go through dark bits to come back into the light did you feel like before you went into  that because one of my things I've always wanted to do Ayahuasca but I know I'm not gonna have that  easy oh that was amazing like oh everything just floated I know some stuff is gonna come  up that I'm gonna see some things that I'm not sure whether I'm yet ready to go like into that  and did you know that going into it that you were gonna have this other side come up which obviously  unlocks something as well but did you have that awareness that it wasn't going to be all plain  ceiling going into it um I don't think I know what I thought before I went into it to be honest I  think I was in so much pain emotionally and my mind was a Madness like I'd never experienced  anxiety before my mom died and if I was in the same room and someone had a knife in the  hand I'd be in panic mode thinking that they were going to stab me it was all like really you know  um yeah unrealistic and and my mind is doing a Madness because the anxiety level was just Peak  I think so my body was feeling what I've decided that that was was I think my body was feeling so  much pain that my mind was assuming there must be some sort of threat happening yeah because  it had become so physical in my body the pain um so I think I was just up for trying anything and  it was a dark experience and Ever After nairobasca quite a few times now and I never get the rainbows  and glitter and butterflies I just don't but I'm always grateful for whatever comes up and I've  got to the point where I realize that spirit the grandmother Ayahuasca only gives you what  you are capable of managing yeah like I know I speak to a lot of people who are fearful of  of sitting in ceremony because they're scared that it's going to be really really dark but  there's nothing that you can't handle that's going to come up I truly believe that  I think it all comes up for a reason because the reality of it is whatever comes up is what is  totally suppressed either in your psyche within your body within your mind it's in you already  like that's the reason why it's coming up to be cleared out so I believe that it's already holding  you back anyway so I'd prefer for it to come up yeah and have that moment of that experience  for me to see what I need to work with and for it to be cleared out um so that helped me massively  being with Community helped me massively I set up a community garden and I got given a bit of  land by this farmer and which was really cool I'd watched a documentary called the need to grow so  we're like the soil in the world is all getting so depleted of nutrition um and I would just  like I need to do something I also just needed a project to put on the energy in so this guy gave  me a bit of land in the community that that belt like was really nourishing for my soul as well  um I think Community is is so important and I think the way the world is the way we more of  us are working at home in our little single boxes and you know we're getting further and further  away from community and you know I know a lot of people especially following the pandemic struggle  to be in group settings like people have a lot more group anxiety than what they previously did  um but there's lots of ways to navigate that and you know there's lots of different support groups  of different things I'll just even reaching out to people on social media I know we've mentioned you  know all the negatives to social media but there's lots of positives with social media as well and it  can be a way for us to connect with other people and so I highly recommend people finding whatever  Community it is resonates with them you know it doesn't need to be a community garden it  can be you know it can be a yoga class it can be I don't know a men's group or women's group whatever  it may be I think it's so important for you not to feel alone and it makes it easier to go into  those dark events because when you feel lonely and you're going into the dark that can feel  so much harder and people do do that and you know for some people their Journey looks like a lot of  isolation and a lot of darkness and they feel like they never get out of it but for whatever reason  the universe Spirit God whatever you want to call it has a plan for that person to feel the depth of  that Dart and normally it's those people that come out and help so many more people because I think  you know we have polarity in the in this world you know we have we have a good we have evil  we have joy we have sadness and I believe that whatever you feel the depths of on that scale it's  the other side where your gifts ends up growing from so for example if you've struggle with anger  like for example if you've gone into the depth of Angie you've been a really really angry person  normally it's those people who end up being like the most helpful in society once they come through  that anger they end up being like those people that are really really helpful and because I think  you need to know for me everything is a spectrum it's not like for example hot and cold are both  temperatures there's no start or end to where though where one becomes hot and one becomes cold  so they're not different things they're literally of the same they're of the same graph they're of  the same timeline so I think when you experience the complete one end of something you then get the  the amazing magicalness of experiencing the other side of it yeah so for me I experience so much so  in so much pain with my mum dying but actually the level of self-love that I now get to experience  and therefore that is what I now share with others and I support others in loving themselves more  because I went into a space where I felt no love like I felt like my mum wasn't all of my love in  this world so when I lost that I felt like I lost all the love in the world and it's because I lost  well it felt like I lost all the love in the world that I then got to go so deep into my own  self-love journey and now that's what I share with others and I help others to cultivate that within  themselves so like for anyone who's listening if you are in a dark spot whatever that looks like  for you feeling that like I don't I don't believe in like avoiding how we feel and I know for some  people that can be scary and uncomfortable and it's why so many people smoke weed yeah you  know drink alcohol take drugs have loads of sex watch loads of porn whatever it may be or things  to just numb out feelings that's exactly what it is yeah 100 whereas if we can go into those  dark feelings the more we go into and we realize okay I've done this now and I felt this now okay  I've done this like I get this I understand this part now and then you can start seeing okay well  if this is where this is if I just turn this direction and go the other direction actually  I can literally feel the opposite of this and by knowing the depths of it even when you're in like  the positive end of it so to speak whenever you come across anyone who's in the depths of what  you experienced it you are going to be able to empathize with them better you're going to  be able to hold space for them better you can be able to support them better because you know the  depths of it yeah and like all like healers and teachers and Natural Health people like  everyone I know who's like into like any form of like natural medicine so whether they're like an  acupuncturist or a nutritionist or whatever it may be most of their Journey started with ill  health like they they had like a back problem or you know that's how I became a yoga teacher  because I got into yoga because of my back yeah and I healed my back through yoga so that's why I  became a yoga teacher because I'm like I know the benefits of that I want to share that yeah so like  by knowing the darkness of whatever it is you're going through for whatever that is right now like  You're Gonna Shine because of that like you're going to come to the brightness because of that  I truly believe it I feel like that's one thing I've really been thinking recently is  everything has its opposite so whilst you're in a certain space knowing that word like you're  Transcendent at some point and you will go back to what looks a bit more like normality or positivity  nothing is permanent you can't stay in a certain state forever and I don't know why but this lyric  like Ronan Keaton life is a roller coaster you just got a ride in yeah you couldn't think of a  better metaphor for life like it's gonna be up it's gonna be down and it's what you can learn  in that process and what you just said then's resonated with me for years I'd self-sabotage  and when you're in those dark spaces and just I have a numb myself or probably even add to it and  I suppose over the past three years where I don't smoke or I don't really engage in anything like  that because I realize it doesn't serve me anymore in any way it just takes my mind to a place that  it helps me like if I was to smoke it helps me see things in a different way and makes makes my  mind go to that that deeper place but I realize I'm that without it it's just all that does is  really like blocks everything else out and makes me hone in on it but when I think about it I can  sit on my couch and do that any night if I choose to so whenever I used to experience loss after  losing my girlfriend got into another relationship that broke down what I would do is I'd go back to  smoking because that was the thing I did when I lost my girlfriend when she passed away that  was my crutch my safety net me knowing this is the thing I do and I need to heal and identifying with  it as well isn't it really leaning on it and thinking well that's just what I do that's me  and it's took me a long time to now realize that when I go through things to stand there with no  crutch no you know nothing that you think saving you or helping you through this to stand there  just as you and go right I'm gonna feel through this and face it head on that's where the true  power really lies because you're just there and there's there's no shield and there's no  sword it's just like this is me so let's see what I can grow through and get through this  on the other side and like you said certain people when you feel those dark spaces when you've been  there you can empathize with other people and help other people in in a way of like true experience  and true knowledge and it's an amazing thing to do and I would encourage more people to do it to  show up for people I'm someone that like my close friends or even people Beyond friends you know  sometimes I see someone on social media just posting certain things and you can see they're  having a tough time I might not even know them but I just say you know if you ever need to speak  just message me it's not a problem like just being there for people or letting someone know  that you're there for them my friends know I'm there like any time of day but especially like  male friends that still carry burdens themselves even though I've said bro if you need me no matter  what time of day it is four in the morning just call my phone yeah I appreciate it bro I love  you yeah I love you too I know you ain't gonna do that because there's something like I still feel  as men we feel like we need to carry and hold this this thing widows like this responsibility it's  also it's a thing of self-love though it's like people fear burden in someone 100 and you know  it's it's actually a two-way thing like when you need someone to help you or you just need  someone to lean on or you want a bit of support the other person actually gets fueled because we  get good hormones released in our body when we know that we've been in service of someone when  we've helped someone yeah it actually makes us feel good so actually whenever you reach out to  someone if you need support obviously you check in and be like have you got capacity to you know  help me right now or support me right now that person's got capacity then you're actually giving  them the opportunity to feel good that they were there to support you yeah so it's a two-way thing  for sure and I think so often we're we're scared to take space like so many people are scared to  take space in different contexts you know and everyone wants to play it small and just keep  themselves to themselves and not put themselves out there and not put themselves on people but  actually the more for example if I reached out to you because I needed a bit of support  if you're then going to feel more comfortable in the future to reach out to me or to reach out to  someone else and we end up having this Snowball Effect on each other and we end up all becoming  such a wider community of support onto each other yeah exactly then we all get to all get to rise  higher yeah and we all get to grow more we all get to evolve more we all just get to be that little  bit happier because everyone knows that everyone's helping each other like we're stepping away from  this this world that we're currently in where it's all just to fight against each other and  um competition against each other and it's just every man for themselves like we don't need to  live like this like and you know I think the world of the Matrix that we currently live in  I think that I can see it slowly unraveling now like I feel for men massively because it's such  a I feel like it's such a hard battle for you guys to allow yourselves to be vulnerable to be  a lap to allow yourselves to be truly be seen in your emotions to ask for help like I think it's  why I like I feel like women are on the rise in the sense because we're all here uplifting each  other supporting each other asking each other for help like we're over here supporting each other  which don't get me wrong men and women can do it for each other but there's definitely a power in  doing it as women are as men I truly believe that and I feel like men will change the world so I  know many other people have got different views on this but I think the change in the world lies with  men I think the day that men allow themselves to be vulnerable the day that men ask for  help the day that men unite together and are not competing against each other and they're not just  you know on this mission of like self-destruct because that's what it is like come on we all  know the the statistics around young men who take their lives yes you know it's it's massive  so the day that men can love themselves more like I see so many more women like as a self-love coach  9.99 of people that approach me for self-love coaching are women women want the support women  recognize they're not loving themselves enough and want that yeah like they know that somewhere  in them knows that they're worthy of loving themselves so they're willing to you know step  into that whereas men for whatever reason they see it as being soft or a feminine thing or you know  so yeah something that's for the women actually when our men can love themselves more and be  confident to give themselves time and space to get a nice hot bath like little simple things  like that I do that all the time nice hot bath yeah get out in nature more have like a little  self date way to take yourself to the cinema and get like your favorite food like it can be simple  things like that where you're saying to yourself I am worthy to give myself time to do something  that I enjoy like it's it can be as simple as that it doesn't need to be like these big massive grand  grand things you know it can be you know I find letter writing really profound write yourself a  letter write yourself a letter of all the amazing things that you are of all your amazing qualities  like take a minute to appreciate all that you are but really make time for it light a candle  put your favorite song On and write yourself a letter of appreciation like men have got a barrier  to this and I honestly think that as well is going to change when our men drop these barriers  and step into more self-love well as I've like explored this journey and gone down that path like  not even willingly sometimes it's like right this is where you're going as I've like opened  up to other people you definitely feel that outside Judgment of yeah over he's lost his  mind or he's so soft like he's and it is like as males were taught to be so dominant and you know  that's why we all go gym when we're 18 and we get as as big as we can like a lot of us do that and  it's just growing through that stage in your life where you're around over men and you're  just all figuring out that animalistic dominance hierarchy that is in our DNA as animals because  we are human animals like we're still we've still got treats of animals so I remember at  that time 18 to maybe 22. for me it was all just about going gym getting big strong and  seeing what that was like and there is like a A brotherhood within that that you are kind of like  still getting something from it but as I've got older and I've gone through what you could say you  know tragic events that we just spoke about that if softened me in a way and probably bought in  like a more feminine energy it's me realizing that merging those two things together is where the  power is and if someone wants to look at me and see oh he's weak or listen to what he's talking  about on a podcast self-love like what's all that it's like I'm good because I know how powerful  this this stuff actually is when you delve into it and if we can get more men on board to that  you realize that for me I can only speak from a male perspective but  when you've got the vulnerable side you know the soft the softness the understanding the empathetic  with the fire the fierceness the physical strength those two things match together like who's going  to stop you in any power there's no one's going to stop you in anything and that doesn't mean you  have to go and live lift the biggest weights like I'm not into the gym for a while I've got back  problems I'm not lifting no weights but it's it's the metaphor of you know the fire the strength I  feel like truly in you know the most powerful place I've been in my life but physically I'm  being held back at the moment there's things going on but again going back to the self-love  I don't see any problem with running the hottest buff I can to help my back or you  know about a month ago I said you know I just don't feel right like what I'm gonna do today  too I'm just gonna go for a walk and I went on a walk and I put a handpan playlist on Spotify  I just let that run in my headphones and I thought I'm not going to check my phone once and it must  have worked for about an hour it's a beautiful day it's like cold but the sun was out and I was  just walking and I had a bottle of water with me and by the time I got back to my car I felt  so high of like natural that playlist would just the move in motion of just being out on my own  no no conversation no you know distractions once 20 minutes went by the thought stopped  and I was just in that state of just presence and being and when we can get there that's  where the magic is and I came back that day and I was like I think I said to like one of  my friends was like bro I just been for a walk is the best thing ever it's probably the best  work I've ever had and it's those little things as as men that other men can like  take the piss out of people he went for a walk on your own what like but he's connecting with you  that's the self-love it's those little tiny things like we said at the start of this that really do  start to add up to the bigger picture and again it's great being around Community we still do need  that and that's something I'm relearning after the pandemic because I'm really comfortable in my own  space now maybe a bit too comfortable where like I can go into hermit mode and really just exist  as me and you know have friends there to chat to and connect with but you could leave me for two  months and I'd probably be okay I still need to go Outdoors if I was indoors for two months I started  to crack up but I can really exist in my own space and own existence with minimal connection for  quite a while but I'm starting to realize that the effects of the outside world just got to be aware  of you know the balance of things not going too far into one side and making sure you're stepping  back into the other and it is good to hear these Little Gems that you're dropping today because  like you said about social media I think that is even though for all its negatives and all the  you know things it causes within us and stirs up all this negativity there is so much Beauty  in being able to connect with people now you've dropped these gems I'll be connecting with your  way way more you know messaging and obviously we'll get you back on on this podcast again but  that's the beauty of of social media it is creating these new connections and  forming a brand new society which is needed as you see things like expression being suppressed  and freedom of speech being suppressed around the world like we need to form these new Pathways of  individuals who arising in the power and people who aren't quite yet you know there yet  just nudge them onto that that path of like come with us like let's go and it's  happening and it's a beautiful thing to see and about I'd say four years ago I was part of  um like a men's Circle in Manchester called Mentor so it was a group that was created for  men to sit in a circle and speak with each other and it was all about holding space and I saw  so much in that the first meeting was probably about six of us seven eight maybe around in a  circle and none of us knew what we were doing we were just there everyone had been through  stuff and all we had was like a tennis ball we just fought right when you speak just passed the  ball to the other guy that's all we that's all we knew that we thought should happen  but in that listening to other people's stories you realize there's so much  healing that happens within yourself because here in what that person said just triggers that  new way of ah that relates to me and they did that and oh yeah that makes sense and  when you see the stereo type of like let's say like a builder who watches football at  the weekends and goes to the pub in the unions when you see a guy like him sitting in a circle  and opening up I'm being vulnerable and then at the end of it going wow I've never done that  that's amazing it would be beautiful if we really could get to that point with with  men because I think when for example most Barbers that you go to as a man  the conversations are women and football never transcends Beyond it and I remember  let's say probably like eight years ago I was in a Barbers and I had a book about Reiki I was  waiting to stop and reading my book and the bar was gone no James what's that were you reading  it's probably like four other guys sat there I went uh it's a book about Reiki when Ricky  what's Reiki so I still like it's like an ancient Japanese healing technique the conversation died  nobody knew what to say because it's outside the boundaries of what we speak about as males  in these four walls have you heard about the barbers in London what they're doing at the  minute no no so there's um a scheme in London at the minute where they're training Barbers  um around mental health amazing so because it's a space where men come comfortably they feel a bit  more relaxed like their guards down a bit they're trying to train them in supporting people to open  up and talk and also to keep an eye out for you know any signals if anyone's struggling and what  they can do with those men and how they can guide them and support them through The Barbers that's  amazing yeah because for me one thing I look forward to is sitting in a barber chair sometimes  I don't even I go with the flow but sometimes if I get a day where the barber doesn't really want to  talk I don't really want to talk and you just sit in that silence and have someone kind of like look  after you in a way and then like the hot towel on your face afterwards after that I feel like  a million dollars but if we can get men opening up in those spaces and not just talking about you  know football and women that's where I feel like we'll see a true shift when we can break those  things in culture that men do in a cycle like continually like I'll go to the Bible say every  week if we can get those spaces opening up I feel like that's where we'll really start to reshape  men and change the world as cliche as it sounds like so to hear that's happening that's amazing  yeah how don't you do men's circles so I was I was a part of it and to be truthful it's not something  I've spoke with the guys about I was a part of it did it for a long time where my life path  was going and how the path of that was going I I started to not align with what the whole thing was  transitioning to it started you know men circles helping people talk then that became a charity  transitioned into a charity and now these people that are doing amazing work you know raising  funds and expanding that out but for me it just took a different direction of where I felt I was  going in life on my journey um I just feel like I had a different path and those guys are still  doing really amazing work but something wasn't connecting with me like it initially did so I  had to honor that I had to just be like right that doesn't feel like it's for me anymore maybe I've  helped be a part of that and nudge it on a certain path and people will take that to a place where  I'm not going to take it too so it's just honoring myself and yeah and realizing that maybe there's  other spaces I can I can be in and since then you know the work that I've been doing I've realized  that that was the right decision and I still speak to the other person but I don't speak to  many people from it but to see that they're still doing the work all these years later it's amazing  and hopefully that'll trigger more people to do to do the same yeah so it is great to see these  things popping up for men and you know when you see like a women's circle like the stuff  that you you'll hold or other people I know from like similar communities it is great to observe  that but it's so different and I know we spoke about it before it's a very different thing when  you see like women's circles sometimes sometimes parties like once the messenger's got can I just  come and sit in on my knees because like that that [ __ ] looks fun and that just wouldn't  happen in a men's circle like it's completely different energy like I said I know women are just  more open there's less there's there's not as many there's no guard there it's still difficult  to get some women to women circles though I think for some women they can still see women's Circle  what's that like what's going on there um but once you get a woman down to women's haircut  normally it's it's a lot easier to get them in flow where can people find you as well so  if they want to reach out and contact you yeah best place is Instagram uh Laura Bam Bam love  um so you can get me there for information on Cambo on self-love coaching on women's circles  um and just anything that I've spoken about today if anyone wants to reach out please do for just a  chat as well I mentioned I'll put all that in in the description in the podcast as well or the info  so if you want to contact Laura you can do we're just talking about combo as well obviously you'd  be in a practitioner of that how did that come about I would assume it would be from exploring  like things like Ayahuasca and then that leading on to the next thing so when we first spoke and  you mentioned that again there's these things that I wanted to do for years and I've like not quite  stepped into for me I know it's about letting go and that's something I know I still have to let  go like the worry of letting go do you know what I mean so at some point I definitely want to do  that but for the listeners I've never heard about that like what what is that yeah so combo is a  secretion from a frog that the tribes have used in the Amazon for hundreds if not thousands of years  so it's a deep cellular level detox it gets all the toxins out of your body it's a physical  cleanse but it can also be like an emotional and energetic cleanse as well in the tribes they The  Men Who go out hunting take it the day before and because it gives them more concentration  more energy more stamina and the women take it because it makes it more beautiful it gets rid  of light skin conditions helps with fertility issues massively as well and in the west we've  had it for about 30 40 years and we've realized it massively helps with things like anxiety and  depression and as well as anything connected to like the digestive system the lymphatic systems  that anything connected to like inflammation in the body anything connected to hormones as well  so there's peptides so peptides are like one of the smallest structures cellularly in your body  that make everything up in your body so it's even what your hormones are made from what your bones  are made from your blood everything and the peptides in combo because it's so similar to  that in the human body the body just welcomes it in so the camera goes into your cells gets  all the toxins out and then you purge you be sick so a lot of people are a bit apprehensive  because it makes you be sick but it's not like when you're sick after a night out and  our food's coming up yeah because you've fasted beforehand so you drink water and it's just the  water is the carrier for the toxins to come out um but it's just great for anything where  or your liver because they work so hard at detoxing your body so the combo really helps  with things like that and but it's just a massive reset as well you know we abuse our bodies most  of us you know we put a lot of toxins in be it junk food processed food alcohol smoking  um and just even like old energetic trauma that we've pushed down in the body you know it's it's  a normal thing for someone's like yeah I'm holding it all together that we're not supposed to hold it  all into our bodies we're supposed to release and we just don't it's combo really really helps with  that um it is a strong process you know but it only lasts for 20 to 40 minutes it's not going  on for hours the way Ayahuasca does and it's not psychedelic in any way it's a very physical  experience yeah um a lot of people use it to help with addiction as well it's had really  positive success rate with addiction with things like Crohn's and disease which is connected to  the gut and like I said before with fertility so it helps with such a range of things and people  are a bit like how can one thing help with so many conditions but because it's going in on a cellular  level and getting all the toxins out your body energetically gets to flow if you look at things  like Chinese medicine it's all about the the chi of the body of being able to flow at its natural  rate you know we get blocks for different reasons we get blocks because of the toxins we put in our  body we get blocks because of stress we get blocks because of trauma all these different things the  body there's a book and I can't remember who's by called the body holds the score you know our  bodies hold on to everything that's happened to us yeah so Cambo is a thing that just helps release  um like so physically emotionally mentally um yeah so that's like would you would you say if  someone was like on the start of a self-love Journey would you say try some other things  before Campbell or is combo something straight to go in if somebody has like no awareness of  what self-love looks like or self-lovin come back I mean they do come together but they are  two separate things as well if you're wanting a deep detox if your body is feeling stagnant  or if any of the things I've just mentioned are something that you you are dealing with at the  moment you can definitely go straight to Canberra like Cambo the way they receive it in the jungle  like they receive it from being children and we don't have in England it's like minimum 18 but  um you know in the tribes anyone of any age can receive combo and it's to  them it's just like you know they're regular check-in just keep everything clean and yeah  um so for me I don't I think if anything I've said resonates and you feel a call into it if  you start seeing frogs after you've just heard this popping up their fighting center that is  the canvo calling you yeah that is your sign that you are right you should be receiving  um but yes no I don't think you need to do other things before you do camber and  what what would you say to anyone like who hasn't really ventured into anything  on a self-love Spectrum or is not really fully aware of that like what that would look like  what would you say like really easy things for like the beginner to get into to start practicing  self-loving this these words that we like easily have a bit of fear of like self-love like what  what is that wow what is self-love self-love for me is like self-appreciation self-celebration  self-acceptance and I think little tools that can be used um a massive one is at the end of  the day just before going to sleep so it's a new psiq are you sleeping it's just having a pen and  paper next to your bed and just write three things that you appreciate about yourself for that day it  could literally be you held the door open and like I love myself because I held a door open  for someone I love myself because I took my mum shopping today I love myself because I made myself  a healthy meal today like just little things like that and do that every night for at least to try  and try your best we also we all slip off so if you slip off one night just let yourself jump in  the next day yeah another one is a practice that I learned recently is have um two small notebooks  and I'm one of them anytime you have a positive thought that one's for your mind write it down and  whenever you have like a negative thought in your mind write it down so what you'll soon and quickly  notices the negative list is so much longer well then the positivity yeah so you know even if it's  you just look in the mirror and you think oh I need to lose some more weight or I don't like he's  closing me up oh I look tired today or whatever it could be a million things or you just sort of  um I'm no good at that or I can't do those things like try and catch yourself so just  that act of catching your thoughts you actually becoming more aware of what you're thinking so  we fuel our bodies in so many different ways you know it's not just through food and water but what  we read what we listen to and that the thoughts in our mind is all fuel for the bodies or what  we operate from so you could do everything like in quotation marks perfectly in the outside world  you know you could eat really clean you could go to yoga every day you could have a really  good job you could have like the perfect marriage kids whatever to you seems like the perfect world  on the outside world but if internally your mind is doing one on you on a daily about that you're  not worthy you're not good at this you shouldn't have this you're stupid you're ugly you're useless  whatever your mind is doing you in over if that's constantly going around in your head you're never  going to find happiness and like for me self-love is a journey to actual happiness like we all  is what we all want as humans we all want to be happy like and we so often crave that from  materialistic things you know bigger house oh once again and it's always once I this you know  we so often are like oh but once I start that job or once I get that house once I get that partner  wants to have those children but it's always one day I will be happy and we're not calling it in  in the here and now yeah you know self-love is a practice we can do in the here and now  to cultivate self-appreciation self celebration self-love all of that we can call it in in the  heaven now and bring those moments of Happiness now and I'm not saying it happens overnight and  you're just gonna in 24 hours feel like a whole new person but it's creating new habits that  create new new Lifestyles that create new new love New Life new everything and for anyone who this is  like all totally new Concepts to or they've never given themselves space to try any of these things  just know little and often because here's what will get you there right so don't think you need  to spend hours every day on this it could just be a few minutes each evening or if you're more of a  morning person like me a couple of moments in the morning when you wake up to just wake up and think  oh I'm just grateful for my body that I woke up this morning I'm just grateful for this roof over  my head whatever it is for you and but on Mains campaigns I've got like loads of suggestions  that can help people guided meditations is an amazing one like I know so often people like I  can't meditate I hear that more often than I hear anything else people tell me they can't meditate  meditation is anything that brings you to the present moment it doesn't need to look  like cross legs looking like the Buddha yeah like anything that brings you to the present  moment focused on your breath dancing singing listening to music even reading a book getting  lost in a book like whatever works for you like but giving yourself that time like say like it's  a meeting in your diary you know book a meeting with yourself to give yourself a bit of time  um yeah just dedicating that and just setting something aside I think that's we all get so  caught up in life and it seems as as we get older life just becomes quicker and the hours in the day  become shorter and you do one thing then all of a sudden like you've got no time to do anything  else but it is as you hit that pace in life just checking in with with the small things and setting  that time aside and I think like you said diet is not only what you're eating it's everything  we're consuming and one thing I'm gonna do soon because it's been coming up a lot I've just not  done it yet is see if I go on Instagram something might trigger me and I'll swipe to the next thing  that might trigger me so I want to start writing down what my triggers are and exploring that  because they're coming up like quite a lot and I'm realizing that like I said social media can  be a trap but it is also that opportunity to explore like what is triggering you and  take things out your diet so I want to explore what's triggering me but  over the past year or two I've removed a lot of things off Instagram if it's divisive or  it's stirring up so much in me I'm like take that out my diet I don't need that because  all these things were consuming it is creating the makeup of who we are and how we see the world so I  don't ramp with horror films since about I'd say 20 years old I used to watch horror films love  the fear oh jumping scared I don't need to see that now because I'm putting some evil into my  mind and since he's psyche isn't it exactly yeah especially because most of the time when people  watch scary films it's just before they go to bed yeah yeah so then you're sleeping on it you're  chewing on it you're like just building all that energy up in your body like everything is energy  like so it's choosing what energy you want in yeah some people listen to this might be  like oh it's only a horror film it's not that deep yeah but like everything I think is either  like everything is either health and well-being or it's not yeah I'm just gonna say or not on  the other side of that like whatever you want to call the nut but like it's it's either gonna be  in your best interest or it's not I don't think that's like that much of a gray area with that  um because I think yeah I think prior and again it's self-love it's like prioritizing okay is  this thing like in my best interest yeah is it serving you in a positive way and it's like coming  back to the thing of like where I'm at now with how I try to love myself is almost like Through  The Eyes of my mum so it's like I give myself that love it's like would you want your child  yeah yeah doing that to themselves I think that's always a really good question for any  parents like I'm not a parent but it always seems to resonate with most parents that I know is like  those thoughts that you've got going on in your head being hard in yourself that you're not worthy  you're not lovable you're not deserving how do you feel if your child was saying that to themselves  that's very true and I think it's a great thing that you're continuing to do see  things through like the eyes of your mum such a powerful thing and keeping it with you in that  Spirit knowing that she's she's with you and you know you are a part of her so if anyone  can see from that perspective it's you but I actually wanted to touch on something from you  yeah of course that's okay yeah because I was mindful of like we were talking about parents  and there's obviously people out there that either don't have a relationship with their  parents whatsoever I've never known their parents yeah and the tool of writing a letter  um to my mom can be can still be used for someone who doesn't have a relationship with that parent  or never knew that parent because what you can do is if you imagine your parent in their high  self so in their best self imagine them being sick they've been sat on top of a mountain in  the Himalayas meditating for the last 40 years and they've just literally become the best version of  themselves so really tuning into that frequency that energy of your parent in their higher self  and then engaging that conversation with that person in that state so like I'm aware of like so  for example I didn't have much of a relationship with my dad until I was an adult you know and I  held a lot of resent and anger and all these hurt feelings towards him and something I've done is  I've wrote a letter to my dad then to support my inner child on that healing Journey so as much as  because I'm just very aware not everyone has the relationship that I was blessed to have  with my mum and I just want to honor and respect that with anyone who who hears this that you can  still do these processes and still heal these parts of you and have these conversations you  don't need to have these conversations directly with people and these these tools can be used  with anyone it doesn't even need to be a parent like if you've had if you've broke up from a  relationship that was like super toxic and it's really affected you you don't need to tell that  person because you don't need to keep engaging in that and keep reinforcing that energy within  that that situation that's hurt you so badly but you can have this conversation with that person  through the same technique with this letter writing where you write a letter to them and  then you imagine their highest self so imagine that they've healed they've grown they've become  the best version of themselves and imagine that it's that version of them that's responding to  you and to have that dialogue to get that healing and that's on a self-love journey I think that  in a child that's the one that takes a lot of trauma that we all suppress and push down and  go that's not part of me and some things will just pop up in life and it will remind you of  certain things you know throughout your childhood you're probably not addressed then some things you  might not even think were trauma but they 100 were as you get further into that self-love exploration  that inner child will present itself at some point and it's okay to have conversations with  it it might sound crazy to some people like how do you have a conversation with your inner child that  method there you know writing letters to former versions of yourself they still exist within you  they're still there you might not be that actively every day but it's still a part of you and who you  are to communicate with that subconscious part of you and try and correct little bits that still  might not be working in your favor such a powerful thing something I've learned within NLP as well  and practice of NLP you know talking to those parts of your subconscious and reprogramming and  how that will help you in your current state that obviously takes a lot of work you know to start  delving into that so for listeners if that sounds overwhelming just start with the little things and  know in a year two years three years however long you can start to you know delve into those deeper  things but today I've learned so much from the gyms you've been dropping so I appreciate you  know you've come in and given your time because time's the most valuable thing that we all have  and you've dropped some gems today so I want to say thank you for comment on the podcast  I'm sure this will be first of many I've really enjoyed this as well obviously guys if you wanna  support the podcast you know this is not about money it's a labor of love but it takes a lot  of time and dedication and we want to build this into something special which helps you  guys and Beyond so you can do that in the links in the description from wherever  you're listening to this podcast Laura I want to say a big thank you for today this has been  amazing and is there anything else you want to like share a little little last minute Roundup  the best thing you can do in this life is Learn To Love Yourself is to unpick all of  the teachings that have led you to think that you're not aware not worthy of of your own love  you are exactly who you're supposed to be you're exactly where you're supposed to be  and I am grateful if you're listening to this and this even plays One spec or one  little Drop in the Ocean of anyone's Evolution into yeah just totally loving themselves and  accepting themselves but thank you so much for having me amazing I appreciate it thank  you and remember guys no matter what you're going through no matter how difficult life  gets life is good life is sound we'll see you on the next one stay blessed